Still struggling

Hi, three years on and still struggling. Lost my dad to metastatic cancer and all the professionals missed it; they put it down to old age. I know we all have to lose those we love at one point but what happens when it is down to something as cruel as this, he had no chance to fight it and I can’t forget that or those last few runaway days in the hospital when we thought we would have more time, to get him home and to say our goodbyes. I can’t get past that.
Losing him just before Christmas and Covid lockdowns meant grieving alone, saying goodbye to my mum and leaving her alone too. Life is not fair and it wasn’t for many people.
Anger, grief drove me/us on. What/why did things go wrong? We got his medical records and then we complained to get the answers. It won’t change anything for us but it might for someone else. No answers, fobbed off and told we were mistaken. All this prolonged our grief. No family, friends to support us.
Lost my dog, more grief. Complaints process referred us to Ombudsman. Reopening the wounds, reliving them, no closure. Left my job, just became too hard to keep that face on all day, every day, pretending I am moving on/coping when really I am not. Employers didn’t really support me. It is never far away, under the surface. Some days ok and then others I cry at the smallest things. Can’t talk about dad, the dog, my grown up children leaving the nest - feels like the old me has gone. Will it ever come back? Tried group grief therapy, GP recommended 1:1 but long waiting lists, finally gave in to antidepressants. I have changed and my family life has too. Relationship with my brother is now strained as he just seems to be getting with life. I know that is ok, all grief is different but that hurts too. Anyone out there feel the same?

Hello @SomersetGirl,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad and your dog. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

You might also want to look at Marie Curie. They provide support for people who have lost a loved one through cancer: 0800 090 2309,, Macmillan Cancer Support, 0808 808 0000 and even Pet Bereavement - Blue Cross Pet Bereavement Support service - 0800 096 6606 or

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,