Hi all,
I’m new to this but felt that I needed support from others going through the same thing. I lost my beloved Keith 14 months ago. It was very sudden and unexpected and I was devastated. Still am. They say your life can change in a moment, and it did. I’ve been through the 12 months of firsts but am now realising that this is my life now. A life I don’t want without him, but I’m keeping myself busy and preoccupied. But when I’m not able to do that, is when it hits me the most. I still can’t believe that he’s not here and I just can’t accept it. I feel like a hamster on it’s wheel - keeping it turning but not sure why. I am, however, very lucky that I have great family and friends. But, even they don’t understand exactly what I’m going through, and I find it hard to open up to them. I find it hard to open up to anyone really - it’s that bloody stiff upper lip and carry on syndrome. I don’t feel like I’m me anymore and although I might seem fairly normal on the exterior, I feel empty, numb and in pain all the time. I sometimes wonder what the point of everthing is anymore, because it means nothing without him. How do I carry on from here?
Hi @Sandra123
Im so sorry for your loss.
Similar to yourself my husbands death was suddenly and unexpected leaving me so heartbroken 
He died 5+ months but you have expressed same feelings that i am experiencing. I feel like groundhog day get up eat sometimes keep busy during day then sleep repeat repeat repeat .
I dont want this life for me anymore without him seems pointless.
I hope it gets better as i try to make sense of everything but nothing makes sense anymore. I always hope tomorrow is a new day and maybe i will feel better than the day before. Take care Lynne x
Hi Sandra123,
I could have written this exact same post, even down to the title. My gorgeous wife Christine died about 20 months ago. I am really struggling to cope now. You are not alone in your thoughts and feelings.
I’m going to listen to the rain now and try to get some rest. Best wishes to you.
Hi Lynne,
I hope you have the support of family and friends as that has made the difference for me. Along with work colleagues, they keep me busy and preoccupied. The difficulty is being alone and feeling alone, and groundhog day is a good way of describing the situation. I’m here if you need to talk. Take care. Xx
Thank you JerryH for your meaningful words. I take some comfort that other people are feeling exactly the same, if that doesn’t sound too odd. Take care.
No not odd at all. Somehow I think this is a very elemental thing. Maybe it is a reflection of our humanity?
Hi @Sandra123
Sorry Sandra
I dont have family support here as my daughter is in Australia.
See came back for her dads funeral stayed for a few weeks and then back. I understand she has her own lifeto get on with. She phones every week to see how i am. My husband and myself were over visiting the. Dec-Feb this year and i am planning visit next year whe i feel upto visit.
My husband was born in Fiji so willbe scattering some of his ashes back there.
It will be hard as we were both there in Jan this year.
Life is hard but hopefully i will be strong to carry out his wishes.
Take care
Lynne
Dear @Sandra123
I feel everything you are. 14 months for me too. Still don’t believe it’s true, I don’t want to.
You describe a hamster wheel…for me it’s more like I feel I exist in a parallel universe to everyone else, I see them moving on, their lives changing, and I’m happy for them all.
But me , I’m living in limbo…and I honestly think I always will.
I made a bubble for myself… Only my husband, me and our two dogs are in it. I made our bubble when my husband was recieving end of life care at home. We didn’t want anyone else.
I remain in our bubble wherever I go,
It’s a sad bubble, but it’s a safe bubble.
And it’s how I have survived.
So it’s where I will stay .
Love and hugs to you, and everyone, 
