I’m almost reluctant to post this, im so ashamed, but I know these thoughts are not my own and are just drifting in and out my head like so many have since my partner of 22 years died,I woke this morning almost excited that my partner had gone and how exciting life is goi g to be , which is so not how I feel, in reality I’m an introvert who actively avoids people and feel no thing but fear about the future, im guessing g it’s a coping mechanism at least I hope it is, im so confused as to what’s happening in my head, has anyone experienced something similar
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I’m just giving this a gentle bump for you, @Missy5. Your loss is so recent and your mind is bound to be all over the place right now, so please be gentle with yourself 
You might find our support page on the early stages of grief helpful to read, too.
Take good care,
Seaneen
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@Missy5 the mind can be a very strange thing. At the moment, as I’m so sleep deprived I’m not feeling anything at all . I have a lot of stressors in my life which includes worrying about moving for the second time since my darling Baz died . I’m even considering moving back to the house we previously rented if the landlord will have me back . How strange is this ? I’ve got the chance to move into a housing association flat which is only 6 months old and I’m considering this backwards step . I think I want to try to recreate our life from before even though it cannot ever be .
So I would say your thoughts are possibly quite random ways your mind is trying to protect you from the horror of what has happened. Xxx
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I’m even considering moving back to the house we previously rented if the landlord will have me back . How strange is this ?
I am glad you posted this as I have had similar thoughts. I sold my parents home and as a writer, wrote an essay of my obsession with this former home now, even scheming for a way to get it back even though I did not like the neighborhood. the mind does do odd things. it is normal. once places we dreamed of escaping, in grief we wish nothing more than to have them back. loss is a greater feeling than gain, it is said.
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I am glad this is a thread because I battle odd things, too. thoughts that make no sense. you are simply trying to move on into the world … imagining what fun may still be had and your partner might even be so happy you are doing this because the ones who love us want us to go on. they really do. he would be all for it because he wants you to be happy. and in grief, there is no happiness. only sorrow and we cannot live all life in sorrow. it is too short.
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p.s. I broke up with a man and knew him a long time. I have the oddest desire to buy a condo in his complex. it would be a dumb and outrageous thing to do but I feel driven like a homing pidgin. seeking roots after loss. it is a fantasy and most likely that is all.
I read these boards but rarely post because I’m a bit nervous about posting. But I really felt for you Missy, the last thing you need in the depths of grief is your mind to start playing tricks with you and that’s all that is happening, I’m sure, there is nothing to feel ashamed about. In fact you should be kind to yourself as you are dealing with the added stress of having intrusive thoughts like this. Grief is overwhelming and is such a dark place, so stressful and exhausting, don’t let these thoughts take hold, let them go and if they do come again just accept they are part of the stress and emotional turmoil, displaying itself in another way. Thinking of you.
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Don’t be ashamed. It’s a coping mechanism. It’s almost a rehearsal of how potentially you can get through this. My husband of 39 years died middle of Dec 23 and the 3 years he was terminal I must have thought through every possibility of how I would cope, what I would do and where I would go. Now the reality is here with me I’m using all of my energy just to function throughout the day. But I see the “hypothetical planning” as my way of coping and wanting to survive.
Dont over think. Be kind to yourself x
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@berit well I’m actually considering going back because it’s going to be available soon . It’s all renovated so will be different. But the same . I’m beginning to think I’m going mad actually because I’m just about to move ( hopefully anyway) into a virtually brand new housing association flat which is lovely. I should really focus on this , but for some reason I find myself drawn back to my former home xxx
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@Jane3 at the early stage of grieving for my beloved partner I had intrusive thoughts all the time . Not these particular ones , but they were pretty awful nevertheless. I do believe our minds play tricks in us when we are grieving- I don’t understand why but I can say that I’ve had this sort of thing too .
We must give ourselves a break and stop being so harsh xxx
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I believe this is just a coping mechanism. Someday the black cloud will lift for all of us and we will get our lives back, ( albeit a much changed life). I think thats what your mind is telling you.
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I sold my parents place when they died 40 years ago and I still dream about moving back, I even go and look at it when it goes on the market pretending to be a prospective buyer, I wish life could go back to how I felt then before their loss, it still feels safe like it did when I was a child
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@Missy5 yes I think that’s what’s behind wanting to go back to my old house . It’s familiar and I think everything will be ok if I get back in there . Of course without my wonderful man , it can’t be ok . Just me and the cat now . In fact I’m taking a new housing association flat and I intend moving my stuff in but not living there for a couple of weeks until the house is ready . I’m going to stay with dad for a month then decide which place is best . I want to get this right . But yes a feeling of safety is certainly behind my decision. Xxx
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maybe ask to view it and if it still feels like home why not, there are no rules, only what’s going to help you feel settled, I don’t believe in all that stuff about moving on we move through and it becomes part who we are, if it brings you peace it’s worth considering
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I know how u feel been times I have thought same even joined a dating site.total disaster full of people who want scam you just take one day at a time
yes, this moving on business, also may just be a platitude.
I dream also of buying my parents home back. I sold it thinking I was off to my new life after caregiving! and also I could not cope with this “death house.” being in there without them. and for several years, all I want to do is return.
my family in Norway still stay in one house all of their lives. the blessing of this is the continuity familiarity and stability. and I believe in those things,
these homes provide that comfort and I advise rethinking common wisdom.
Yes I have and then I realise at my age my life is over. You aren’t doing anything bad.
@Missy5 yes I am waiting for some renovation work to be completed on the house then the landlord has said I can take the tenancy again. I am going to wait until it’s ready and hope it all works out . It should be done and ready to move in by the end of April . That’s what I’m hoping for - because things are so bleak in life at the moment I’m keeping the place where I’m currently “ living “ ( but not staying) going and I’m really hoping the house renovation goes according to plan . I’m so fed up not feeling settled - but nowhere feels right without my man , so I guess wait and see what happens with the house then take it from there . I can wait until the end of April I would think xxx
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You sound a little more positive than before and I’m convinced once you (and me) can relax and feel safe again maybe it will give us the space to if not heal, at least find a little peace from this awful situation we find ourselves in, can’t wait to hear how it goes xx well done you xxx
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@Missy5 i am trying as hard as I can to move forward in a positive way . Very hard though isn’t it , particularly when things are unsettled like housing. I doubt I will be truly happy wherever I live without my darling man beside me xxx
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