It would matter if you were in your house permanently or not ! Believe me you would feel awful either way ! I have stayed in the house we owned since he passed away and i feel him here but its still crap all of this without them 
its all so totally crap !!! X
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@Deb5 hi , yes I tried moving and didn’t settle. I suppose I haven’t given it a chance . In my head I’m expecting things to be so much better if and when the house is ready and fingers crossed I move back in . I’m attaching so much importance to that particular house . Deep down i realise that if I gave this small more manageable flat a chance I’d probably be no worse off . I tend to feel life is just crap without Baz . It will never be the same Jo matter where I live . I can’t seem to move forward either . People think that after this amount of time we should be over our men - well that’s crap too xxx
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I am still in same house I feel it up to me keep it going something pass onto kids
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People who say you should be over it have never been through it have they ? Im not doing well today. Been low recently. I cant see the point without him … its all so rubbish … but i hope movibg back in your old house gives you some happiness xx
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I think it is bold and interesting you are doing this. your small voice might be right about giving the new place a chance - but I completely understand your urge. I think it will work out and since it is a rental, you can move again. life is hard. 
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@Deb5 well I’ve been really low for a while now and it might be a coincidence that we are roughly at the same time with our losses . I can’t see any point in a life without Baz , he was my world and now he’s gone . I’m becoming really impatient about the house - because it’s a rental I’ve got no guarantees until I sign up for it and they won’t do this until the work is finished. I’m hoping not to be stuck in the place I moved to because I’m really unhappy there . I’m still staying with my dad , but this is testing both of us now . I go to my flat to get the post etc but don’t spend time there any more . I’m really hoping the hose works out or I’ll be gutted . Probably moving out was a bad thing but it really needed work doing on it - it was damp and needed to be sorted out . At least the flat is there if I have to go back I suppose. Anywhere Baz isn’t will never be a happy place . I don’t think I’ll ever be happy again- I don’t want anybody else I just want him . I know you’ll understand this . Life’s so rubbish isn’t it ? It would still be bad if my son was supportive I suppose but it won’t bring my man back . I did ask my son if I could stay with him temporarily- they have 6 bedrooms, but he refused. I think this is why he’s so hostile towards me because I asked him for something big . I just don’t know which way to turn sometimes- I’m very low and it’s worrying me xxx
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@Darrenmc as our house was a rental I didn’t have this option. Anyway, my son has turned out to be selfish and unsupportive since my man died . I certainly would never make any decisions based on whether I could leave him anything when I die . He doesn’t deserve this xxx
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@berit well I’m becoming impatient now because I can’t get specific news on when the house will be ready . I’m staying with my dad and feeling in limbo . Yes I do have my own place that I could return to but I was so unhappy there I’ve temporarily left . I just go round to check the place and get my post xxx
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Yeh hold on to the house for when its renovated !!! If thats what you want then just wait for that and it will make you happy !! We deserve to be happy ! We really do after all the crap we been through.
I met a lovely man walking our dogs and we been friends now since october … hes a really nice man but dunno if it will come to anything tbh, but hes kind. My husband was a kind man but what i miss about my husband is that he was by my side all the time. Every step of the way. Its that companionship i miss the most …
Its so bloody hard without them isnt it ? xx
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@Deb5 yes I am waiting on the house for when it is ready - can’t get an update which is quite frustrating. I keep wondering if I should chase the agent more but I will get on the woman’s nerves !!! I just need the. Certainty I suppose. Otherwise I’ll have to go back to my flat . Obviously the house won’t guarantee happiness because I left due to not being happy ( and the damp was becoming a problem) . I’m ready to try again there now so I will hold out without looking for something else I think . I don’t think I could contemplate being with anyone else- it would always feel like a bad compromise. Sad existence isn’t it xxx
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I would give them a quick ring tbh… especially if its a while since u have heard anything … its a crap life for sure and this rain really doesnt help !! ;( xx
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My mum said its a bot like in the bible when ot rsined for 40 days and 40 nights ! Its true is that ! Its bloody awful ;( dunno what its been like near you but we had so much rain here in yorkshire - reservoirs will definitely be full xx
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@Deb5 yes it’s been wet here in Wales too . I’m not sure that I might be expecting too many updates fro the estate agent’s . I don’t want to get on their nerves but I want the information too ! I have friends in Yorkshire and they tell me the weathers rubbish too !
I’m starting to feel very unsettled by not knowing where I could potentially be living in say a months time . It could be a month it could be longer I don’t know - all I know is that now I’ve decided that I want to go back , I’m determined to make it happen asap ! Obviously it’s not within my control so I guess I’ll have to wait in hope . I spoke with someone yesterday who said they would email the plumber ! I didn’t realise plumbers would communicate via email particularly but there you go .
I feel that we are now well into 2024 , I’ve stood still and not made any changes to make myself feel any better . Maybe I will give them a call ……
I can’t even make a decision without Baz , how useless is that . Im floundering at present and missing him so very much . I wish he could come back to me but I know this just isn’t possible. It feels surreal and when I write it down I actually feel panicky about my life 
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I know im 5he same ! Its very hard without them … esoecially in this day and age where people are so shut off … its not like it was is it ? Guess we just have to do our best with what we have got ! our last holiday together was in wales in Porthmadog, caravanning … he loved it there , so did i … if you saw picture i took you wouldnt have believed he wouldnt be here 6 months later … i loved him so much … i don’t think my life will ever be the same again… be nice if it was just a bit nice though but i dont have a lot of hope in this crappy world … xx
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@Deb5 well me and Baz were so right for each other I don’t believe I could ever achieve that level of happiness ever again . This probably accounts for my unhappiness with my housing situation- I just can’t settle. I really hope I get the chance to go back to our house - maybe I will feel closer to him there .
Well , Baz was looking absolutely fine when he walked out of the door to go to a pretty routine gp appointment, but he never returned. Within 2 hours of me seeing him leave I was told he’d died . The shock I felt stats with me and I don’t think I’ll get over it . He was 59 and I feel that’s far too young to just die so suddenly.
I’m still in shock I believe . I’m not making sound decisions. Maybe I shouldn’t have left the house but at that time it was in poor state of repair and quite damp . I thought a fresh start would help me but it hasn’t so far . I keep feeling a sense of desperation to chase up the agents to get information as to when I’ll go back . When I speak to them they’re not that helpful- no real updates are given which is frustrating. They know how desperate I am for news , but they get a bit impatient with me !
The only good thing is there are 2 jobshare ladies so I can pretend I need to update the other one !! I’m starting to doubt whether I’ll ever get back in there or not now which is making me feel even more unsettled and then I miss Baz more . Life is horrible at the moment- what have we done to deserve such awfulness xxx
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I say go for it but then if it didnt work out you would start the grieving process all over again. I wouldn’t wish that on anybody. I thought about taking in a lodger for company but scared. Anyone have any ideas.
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I have no.idea what we have dobe ? Nothing … its just how it hspprned idnt it mu huband had literally judt had his 60th birthday … thet were too young werent they ? So very sad why are my parents still alive at 83 ? Doesnt seem fair ;( they had 23 more years than him and he loved life too he really did … like i loved him xx
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one thing I learned in my own unsettled time is it will sort itself out. best thing is to try and not beat ourselves up in this unsettled unknown time. it will be what it will be. life has a funny way of working itself out, I think it is true. go with the flow … would be a helpful useful mantra at this time. 
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@Avvy personally I’d only take in a female lodger for company unless it’s someone I’ve known for a very long time . I’d be worried a guy might get the wrong idea . I’m certainly not wanting this xxx
@Deb5 yes it seems unfathomable that our men had their lives cruelly cut short when others don’t . It doesn’t make me bitter but it makes me incredibly sad about the years we’ve missed out on . Like your man , Baz loved life and he was the most loving partner I could wish for . He was funny , good looking ( imo) and very sexy ( imo ) . I will never want anyone else in this way because they will never be as good . I am happy I had the best . Equally I’m not happy at all that , for whatever reason, his heart just failed . I will never understand or really accept this but I have to try to go on somehow like you do xxx
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