@berit yes I wish I could live by that mantra . I’m not good at going with the flow . One thing that losing my man at an early age so suddenly, though , is that the really important things in life can’t be controlled. That’s quite a scary thought. I’m trying to remain optimistic about my housing and other practical matters because there’s only so much that is within our control. It’s far too easy to obsess about everything- I am naturally obsessive and I shall try to let go of some of this if I can .
Turmoil is a good way to explain what we all go through when we lose our life partners. It’s the most awful thing I’ve experienced xxx
Yeh my husband was a good looking man too but he had a lot of health issues in the last 10 years but never thought i would lose him so young either 
. The possibility of meeting someone else doesnt phase me and we discussed it briefly me and my husband. I know im not happy by myself so i hope i meet someone i do. I know from talking to that guy i was telling you about that someone else can make you happy … in fact the first time i talked to him was the first time i had stopped crying in months so it can be a good thing you know. He made me laugh and for a while i forgot my sadness , but each to his own ofcourse. xxx
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@Deb5 i just can’t imagine ever loving another man like I love Baz . There’s nobody I want to be with and I just yearn for my man . I hope the house will be ready soon so I can feel closer to him again, I feel unsettled and displaced.
On a happier note , I’ve had a text from my son telling me my grandson has been born . He was born yesterday ( 11th March ) , I didn’t know my DIL was in labour , but my son’s text showed a definite thawing of his mood . Hopefully things will be ok . He messaged me 3 times with info about the baby and sent me a photo . I really hope I get to meet the baby because this would be denying me and his son something unreasonably and for no good reason. They have named him Isaac William and he is absolutely adorable xxx🥰
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Yeh i still miss my husband so much too … but we cant bring them back can we … we are all different how we deal with it i suppose . And i have spent hours in tears and still do but i suppose what im saying is our lives evolve don’t they. Hey im only friends with that guy thats all … nothing more and probably will never be more but we have to make friends dont we to survive all this. Thats what i think anyway …
Oh and that’s brilliant news about your grandson !!! So glad he let you know about it and i hope you get to meet him … you will !! I bet !!! So happy for you xx
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@Deb5 yes my grief will prevent me having another relationship I feel. I don’t want anyone else . That’s the issue . I have a good friend , Mark but I don’t think this will flourish into a relationship. I’m not ready and I won’t be for a long time . Baz was my one and only true love I know .
Yes good news about baby Isaac . They’re still in hospital so I haven’t actually spoken with my son . The tone of his texts were more friendly than ones he’s recently sent me - well he hasn’t been messaging me at all ! So this can only be a good thing I suppose. Hopefully I will get to meet the new arrival soon who knows xxx
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Yeh its brilliant news about your grandson!! My daughters baby due in 10 days … 22nd. She has to have a caesarian because baby is breach. Been getting more communication from her and i hope she is ok with baby. You love your kids dont you , you just dont like their behaviour:( my kids have been totally ridiculous recently !
Ah so you have a male friend , well you will know what i mean then … 
you cant compare it to love we had for our husband course you cant but its a friendship isnt it ? Well im saying that but my particular friend has done a disappearing act recently … not seen him for a while ! Lol Xx
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@Deb5 oh my son’s child was due on the 22nd but arrived early ! Yes I love my son and DIL dearly but I don’t like their behaviour. I’ve had a few messages off my son now he’s gone quiet again. I know he’s receiving my replies but he’s not replying back 
He’s not picking up his phone - I’ve only tried twice in 2 days . So I don’t think it’s unreasonable to let me know something. I can’t force him but I’d love to know if all is well . A planned c/ section not brilliant I suppose but I had emergency and it was horrible. Totally unexpected.
Yes I have a male friend but I don’t want a relationship! I still feel totally committed to Baz in death as I did when he was here . I can’t see this changing. Oh yours has disappeared has he ! I’m sure he will come back ! xxx
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Lol … i dunno if he will ? Yes mine only a friendship too … but he makes me smile - when i see him !! … oh my daughter plays the same stupid games not answering phone etc and taking 2 days to reply to my messages ! This generation are so disrespectful you know !!!
I think he will let you see baby eventually … 
bless you. First grandchildren too … you dont deserve this ! Take lots of care of yourself !! Dont ring him again for a while … let him contact you xxx
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@Deb5 well I’m quite shocked by how selfish my son can be actually. I never expected this . I’m hoping I can see the baby but I’m not going to plead with him . I’ll wait until he contacts me - it’s shocking that these adult children treat a loving mother with such little consideration. I would never have believed it .
Oh that’s a weird thing about your man friend . Sometimes in life we can only rely on ourselves! Well and our partners who are no longer here 
xxx
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Yeh maybe he been poorly i dunno but not seen him for a week ? Strange ? God people as you say … so unpredictable arent they ? My husband wasnt like that. I could rely on him 100% i loved him for that and i miss him for that too … bless em hey our little loves - so very precious weren’t they?
You take really good care … your son will be in touch eventually im sure… keep me posted on that one … Xx
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@Deb5 yes i expect there’s a good explanation for why he’s not been around .
I know what you mean - Baz was always there for me no matter what and I tried to be the same for him too . I supported him through some difficult times and he did the same for me . We were meant to be together. That’s why I can’t imagine being with anyone else .
Oh yes my son is being so unavailable. He’s turned quite selfish- now he’s a father he will have to put someone else first . I’m surprised that after such a short space of time he’s got fed up with being there for me . I have been really unwell with all this but I’m not telling him this . It will give him the opportunity to say this is all about me . Mind you grief does have a bad effect on you I find - maybe I’ve expected too much from him but I don’t think it would hurt him to include me in his life xxx
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Yeh … im not quite the same as you … dont want to spend rest of my life living alone - however long that may be … i dont like it and i dont think we are meant to live alone no matter how much i loved my husband … and i adored him but i feel we have a right to happiness and i know he would want me to be happy because he wasnt a spiteful man … but anyway lets change the subject !
Hooe you get some news re you grandson … i feel you will do you know… just give them a bit of time xx
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@Deb5 well I don’t want to be alone I just want that one person…….obviously I can’t have him ever again which is an unbelievably difficult thing to get my head around. I’m not even 60 yet and I can’t face the next x amount of years . I’m going through a really low period at the moment. Doesn’t help having uncertainty with where I might be living .
I think the texts I got from my son are , in general positive ones . I’m trying to get him on the phone but he says he’s too busy for a call . I think his wife and the baby are still in hospital but might be going home today . Then he will be busy !! The fun starts then - sleepless nights etc are the pits but at the time you just get on with it don’t you . When I think of all the things i willingly did for my son I can’t believe his recent behaviour. But I suppose being a parent will change him and hopefully he won’t be quite so self- centred , then this will pay off for me a bit !! xxx
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Yeh i hope so … honestly i find the kids of this generation so hard to fathom ? I was a good mum to mine but i think society/people corrupt them … its really sad but i think we just have to get on with our own lives and try and enjoy as best we can, albeit without our gorgeous husbands … that’s the hardest part isnt it i miss him every single day… xx
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@Deb5 well I gave my son the best upbringing that I could. I put him first , always , often to my own disadvantage. Maybe I was too generous? Maybe he had things too easy ? I don’t know . I’ve noticed that social media is full of things encouraging the younger people to ditch “ toxic people “ which includes parents . Toxic means these days anyone who might hurt your feelings, annoy you , have a different view and the list goes on . So dispose of your parent because she has a different viewpoint than you and she’s “ toxic” . This is worrying but if they take notice then how can we stop them . Until they experience the full force of loss of a life partner which is believed to be the worst ( other than a child loss ) then they can’t empathise. It’s the lack of empathy for my huge loss that’s making things so much worse . My wonderful man was my son’s stepdad for 20 years and he can’t understand why I’m broken by his loss . Which I am . I’m broken . I never thought I’d be in my own at this early age and my gorgeous man would die . Thankfully he didn’t know anything about it unlike your husband. But the amount of shock I feel is immense and this isn’t going away anytime soon . Shock from sudden unexpected loss is also destroying me and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. From being on here , I realise it’s pretty common , not that it makes it any easier to bear . xxx
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Yep i agree with all you say but knowing someone is going to go ( i had 6 short weeks and 2 of those he was in hospital) doesnt make it any easier really but maybe less of a shock i suppose - but nothing prepares you really ;( xx
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@Deb5 i would still consider that amount of time as being sudden. Because 6 weeks doesn’t give you any time to get over the shock either . My partner’s mum was unwell for 11 years ( mine was unwell for 13 years) and she put her life in order , she made all her wishes known , yes it was awful when the end came but the whole family had time to adjust . I think it’s less shocking. It’s the shock when someone dies suddenly or very soon after a diagnosis that I have personally struggled with . I mean 6 weeks is no time at all to adjust to anything so terrible. There’s no good way to lose your soulmate, but I would have wanted to spend time with him , been able to hold him and comfort him . Those few minutes before he died I heard him on the phone and I realised he knew something terrible was happening- I just wish I could have held him so he wasn’t so frightened. I could hear fear in his voice which will haunt me for ever . This , combined with all the shock has really destroyed me . I’m not going to recover from losing him and I have so many unanswered questions too . It’s just awful isn’t it . xxx
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Yeh 6 weeks is no time is it when you been married for 35 years… all those memories together, 3 children and 5 grandchildren so hard for them too i suppose , but still harder for me i think as i lived with him everyday . I have had bereavment counselling with sue ryder so that got it into perspective a bit but still it is truly terrible for us isnt it … she said i had a deep love for him and that he was my rock and my protector which he was xx
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@Deb5 no 6 weeks is no time at all . You must have been in shock the whole time and your poor husband must have been terrified. I will never know if Baz was aware or not but I think right at the very end he knew he was struggling for breath and frightened. It was awful.
We didn’t have children together because we were together 20 years but had our first relationship 40 years ago and we still loved each other all the time . We were soulmates like you were . It’s awful isn’t it when you know you will never see them again and you’re young still xxx
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I am sorry its come to this with your son.
I have 3 sons and like you my wife and i put them first. They were brought up to tell us if anything was worrying them at school or otherwise and they did. They were told they could be anything they wanted, provided they worked for what they wanted.
They all went to uni and are doing well for themselves, but like all of their generation, they are self-centred.
Just before Christmas i had to remind them that they hadnt visited their mum in seven weeks. Don’t get me wrong they spoke to her every day on the phone. I was trying to protect them, my wife was deteriorating and i was worried that she’d pass away without seeing them. Of course they didnt take kindly to being pulled up.
It worked though and the visits resumed. Guess what? Now seven weeks after their mum’s funeral, none of them have been to see me since. Its back to daily phone calls.
Two of them are new fathers , the other is getting married in a couple of months.
They loved their mum and love me, i have no doubts, but i cant understand how self centred they’ve become.
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