Yeh it was awful … but he was so bloody brave. I dunno how he did it tbh … he did cry near the end but he accepted it … too well for my liking ! My eldest daughter once said to him - you can be mad you know dad - its crap the hand you have been dealt but he never did get mad ! I wish he had really … he was under his specialist for 3 month’s and they didnt even think it was serious … our wonderful NHS hey ! So cruel really … he had so much love to give 
and yeh im too young i agree to be a bloody widow … i hate it that i am do you ? x
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Ha … at least you get daily phone calls … my stupid son not spoken to me for about 4 months ! The children of today that we have are absolutely ridiculous if you ask me ! What is it they call them … snowflakes … too right ! Mine are anyway !! X
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I was brought up to respect my elders and i did. My sons, I think see me as a rival or at least an equal. I think the concept of wisdom increasing with age is dead in the water these days. Nobody knows better than their generation.
On the other hand, im 62 but feel the same as i did at 18. Dam that mirror though.
I hate that Im a widower now.
I am determined that there is life in the old dog yet and i will beat this horrible grief. I owe it to my lovely wife to get through this
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@Plantman you know what I been reading up on this in the context of estrangement actually. Not that it came to this ( my sons wife had her baby and he’s slightly better towards me ) , but the point I make is that this generation of young people have the attitude that relationships are disposable if they are not serving them well . This is why they’re so self- centred. They use words like “ toxic “ “ narcissist “ and talk about parents that criticise or chastise them as “ hurting their feelings “ and so they need “ boundaries “ and they need to work on self- betterment and their mental health. It’s beyond me . I’m only 59 and I feel like this generation has left me way behind . I’ve read up on the subject to try to understand how they’re thinking and how to protect myself from being hurt by these things . Now at a time of intense grief like we are experiencing, a bit of compassion would not go amiss . From what you describe, I can see this sort of behaviour in my own son . In fact he said to me recently what have I DONE FOR HIM since my partner died . I was gobsmacked and couldn’t believe his selfishness. He ought to be asking what he’s done for me not the other way round. I’m sorry you are going through such a difficult time - ultimately we can only rely on ourselves to get us through our grief and this , on top of the loss itself makes life so much harder to bear . I will not forgive my son for not caring enough about his step dad’s memory to make sure I’m ok. In time I suppose I’ll be more resilient and heal but until then , I feel very lonely and let down . I’m also missing my man intensely- as you will no doubt be missing your dear wife xxx
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Yeh good sentiments … i still wanna have some sort of life too and i know my husband would not want me to be unhappy either and so i try my best for him … but its hard without them isnt it … i just miss his company - he was such a kind, generous man xxx
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Good words … and so true ! Apparently i shouldve been looking after my kids better after my husband passed even though i could hardly look after myself and they have bloody partners anyway !! And my son stopped talking to me just because i said i missed his dad and he didnt want to think of it like that ! Whatever !!! Unbelievable tbh ! I just wanna see my new grandson and i will be happy. My middle daughter has always been best one i connect with. Think its cos shes more like her dad … keeping my fingers crossed for you and for me !! My daughter definately thawed in last few weeks xx
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@Deb5 yes I hate my life . I feel like I’ve been dealt a crap hand like you . Your husband sounds like a wonderful man - he was obviously protecting you and your children by being brave and accepting his fate . That’s a brilliant quality, but obviously you wish he didn’t have to die to show you how much he was prepared to protect you . With Baz things were so sudden, he didn’t have any symptoms which pointed towards heart failure otherwise I’d have got him in hospital. Mind you , your poor husband was misdiagnosed so you must have an awful lot of what ifs going round your head . I know I do . I wonder if I missed the signs that my msn was seriously ill but I think I’ve accepted that nobody knew . He didn’t know and he was fit right up until a couple of hours before he died . He walked out of the house looking well and normal and never walked back in . That was why I initially left our house - the memories were too painful, but now it will look different I’m going to hang in and wait for it to be ready to move back into . Hopefully nothing will go wrong or my dad will be stuck with me and I’ll have to put my furniture into storage 
Yes our lives are crap aren’t they xxx
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@Deb5 theyre all snowflakes . If you read the my reply to @Plantman ive been reading up on the youth of today . As parents , we’re disposable if we don’t serve to make our adult children feel good about themselves. It’s unbelievable xxx
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@Plantman yes I often think bugger - who’s that old woman in the mirror!! I’m only 59 !
Seriously though , I suppose I’ve not aged too much since I lost my man I just feel like I have . On reading the theory , you’re an equal to your sons and apparently they don’t owe you anything. As parents we are expected to work hard at earning their respect not the other way around. I was also brought up to respect my parents - my mother who has died 3 years ago , had an aura that demanded respect and if you didn’t then you’d know all about it . Not through punishment, but a few well - chosen words was enough to bring us into line . The snowflakes of today would need to go into therapy for this sort of thing xx
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@Deb5 well it’s ridiculous that a few words cause a grown man ( both our sons actually) to go running for the hills and not being able to speak to us . In fact I don’t know what I said to cause the “ hurt feelings “ that caused my son to go weird . He’s never had a problem asserting himself before. I think it was the pregnancy and he was worried about his wife and the baby - that’s not my doing . It’s terrible that such a huge loss for both of us has caused all this family fall - out . They can’t “ do “ emotions I find and grief is something they’ll all have to deal with at some point . They should learn from us here not run away . Yea I really hope for both our sakes we get the relationship with our grandsons that we deservexxx
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Yeh … so true ! They should learn from us and how they gonna deal with it when it will happen to one of them one day … they cant escape it … its life unfortunately … i think they just gone into denial tbh, thats what i think anyway x xx
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Oh god i know what you mean about your mum having an aura. She was the queen of the family, just like my mum was.
I wish my mum was still here to give my sons a good telling off.
Better still, my granny would have sorted them right out. As a little boy, i remember granny battering my dad with an umberella for getting my mother , her daughter pregnant for the 5th time. Theyd only been married 15 years at the time!
Thats the solution right there bring back the dragons to sort out the snowflakes.
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@Plantman well my son certainly wouldn’t be behaving like this if my mother was still alive . She wouldn’t have stood for it . Also , he tends to think I’m a soft touch because I’ve been emotionally vulnerable over the past 14 months . He will soon revise his opinion of me when my resilience is back . I have already stopped contacting him and now I normally wait for him to contact me . One other thing he does is when he wants to avoid phone calls from me he blocks me on his phone which obviously is rude and childish. All he has to do is tell me not to bother calling and I won’t . He’s doing something quite extreme when he could have a simple conversation. Your Nan sounds hilarious btw xx
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Yeh my friend said that to me other day … if your husband was here my kids wouldnt be behaving like this ! Its so true … he would give em what for i know that !! They know we are vulnerable and so they act up ! My son done same blocked me ! Absolutely pathetic !! Wimps really arent they !! Xx
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@Deb5 well I think it’s really childish blocking your phone because you can’t handle a conversation or a text incase it upsets you . They are wimps !
Yeah it’s definitely because we are vulnerable that our children know they can get away with treating us badly . If your husband was still here they wouldn’t behave like this would they ?
I don’t know what the answer is - I did manage a conversation with my son last night . I think lately he’s been stressed and worried about his wife and the baby . Mind you his behaviour towards me has been bad like this for months now , so I don’t accept this as a good reason. I just think he’s pretty selfish and wants his own space and this doesn’t involve doing much for me at a time when I’ve really needed him . Grief is very lonely and very hard xxx
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It is … its very lonely and you feel very isolated … glad you talked to him at least … if ypu talked to him hopefully you will see the baby then !! X
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@Deb5 well I did find out his wife was induced and because it was 2 weeks early I’m guessing there was a medical issue. Maybe he’s been really worried and stressed but didn’t want to say why ?
I can understand this , especially if we get back on track .
I need to make sure I’m sore self sufficient though . My grief has made me so reliant on other people just like I used to rely on Baz - there’s nobody who will ever take his place this way . We supported each other and loved each other immensely. I must learn to make decisions without my son and this is difficult. I thought I could always rely on him but I know that his priorities have changed now . I got to get my head around this . I’m hoping this means I’ll see the baby - my son doesn’t give me a reason to think this threat will be carried out but obviously I need to tread carefully. Grief is a lonely place to be isn’t it xxx
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Im sure he is thawing out … just tread carfully as you say and take everything at face value … thats what im doing with my daughter … life isnt easy and im same … i miss his support every day … its so hard isnt it ? Just baby steps honey - do what you can. Dont put any pressure on yourself xx
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Tough when you can’t rely on family
I don’t have kids, but my folks have been great - well a little overbearing, when I just want to be alone, but they mean well.
My partner’s family on the other hand 
Must be difficult if you can’t rely on your kids - you kind of expect it
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Thats nice your parents been good ! Bless them 
my mum has been good - my dad well hes always been an idiot tbh ( theyre divorced - i wonder why ? Lol ) yeh really disappointed with my kids ! Was a good mum to them but they let me down tbh … their dad wouldnt be happy ! Theyre just selfish in this day and age im afraid a lot of these kids as @Ladysuisei6 said they just want the nice parts - dont want the hard bits ! My daughter who is due her baby in a week is coming around a bit so that’s good i suppose xx
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