Strange

I have been feeling very agitated with people the last two days,also have been told I’m very impatient I don’t like this has anyone else on here been like this,think maybe my symptoms of grief might be changing any advice on these new feeling would be grateful thanks

Good Evening Skylark
Just yesterday my family commented that I was always “irritable” and that I “have no patience”. I have noticed this in myself and it feels very, very uncomfortable both physically and emotionally. Whether it comes from an inner frustration that we are wishing we could change circumstances I don’t know. I know the agitation in myself means I feel as if I am on red alert - despite feeling very sad. It’s said that anger is a recognised part of the process and maybe it’s that we are just turning it inwards on ourselves. Maybe it will subside and/or pass in time. Take care. Tina

Hello Tina

Wasn’t expecting to behave like that as I have been very sad but calm around everyone .speak soon.Debbie

Hi skylark i feel the same around people that havent suffererd a loss .Maybe this is what you mean ? Colin

Hi folks,
this is eerie since I have the same impatient feelings…nearly ripped someone apart (metaphorically) in a supermarket, especially those blocking the iles while they text or going slowly enough for me to start grinding my teeth with rage. I’ll be needing dentures soon the amount of quiet seething I am doing. I also feel very anxious when I go out…it is the fight or flight syndrome kicking in. I just get angry, as skylark said, of the impotence to change what cannot be changed. I find that I am feeling intolerant when in crowds…too many people around and I am aware that I am not a part of it…being on my own, it is the resentment of couples and groups that get to me…I suppose in my case it is because I am now alone and by jiminy I feel it.
I think we are all going through all the different stages of the Elizabeth Kubler Ross’ paradigm of berevement: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, in differnet ways… With me there is definitely 4 out of 5 there. I am angry with myself, God and society…just about everything is getting to me a bit. denial, my mother can’t have been ill or died. and the bargaining mixed with guilkt I could have looked after her better, treated her better and now I am trying to bargain with God for her to come back or for us to be reunited in the afterlife or to take my guilt away or to stop the physical and emotional pain, or even to stop the rain here and even for me to win the lottery…but to no avail…cannot change the unchangeable. I don’t think that He would take any notice of my requests…I wouldn’t if I was Him…sorry I am rambling.

Does this sound irrational to you???Being a former carer of my mother (I don’t have many close family or friends, to be honest) I find that I am talking away to my mother while at home…checking to make sure that I am not doing this publically. I am avoiding foods that my mother loved, TV programmes that we enjoyed and even places that I used to take her to when we went out…the places we used to go to in Swansea, I am avoiding. Even taking a bus that gets there by a longer route since the normal one I used to take with her would pass spots that I would point out to her since she was partially sighted…I am avoiding people as much as possible, but have to go out for my own sanity sake…there is a bench in a local park we used to sit by–her in her wheelchair parked by it–during the summer…I was sitting there today talking to my mum, or should I say the spot she was parked by…asking if she was OK? I was getting a few funny looks form passers by. This is all irrational.
I am aware of it…and that I am slipping deeper into myself.

There are times when I feel it is not worth me carrying on the emotional pain and loneliness is too painful for me. at the age of 52 I have to start over again, looking for a job a home and start interacting with others…it is all going to be an unsurmountable object to get over and it is getting to me a bit. I feel as if I just went off to the woods around here and end it all…I don’t think I will be missed. But no have to carry on…though I miss my mother so much now…that the depression and the anxiety will force these suicidal thoughts to come thick and fast again.
Take care all
David…

Oh! Dave you must try and get some professional help go and speak to your Gp and tell them what you just said on here,I know it’s hard to even find the energy to do this but you must.I don’t want a councilor at the moment but I think it would help you to talk with some one even though you have us on this site I think it might benefit you to see your GP,you seem so tormented with it all which will make you I’ll you must not suffer like this .my heart goes out to you I hope you get some help.

Dave i was my wifes sole carer for 8 years i understand all your problems (im am alone too )2 routes to go down to carry on living .1 the samaritians they never close i phone them there brill .2 go back to your gp tell the truthhe or she might give you new tablets and also theyll ask you to go back to chat .Yes its damn hard Dave only you can solve this nightmare (with professional help )as you say you definitely rant on to me (although your not ranting )Massive friend hug Colin

Hi David,

It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed. Caring for your mother was such a big part of your life and it must be very difficult to know what comes next.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. Skylark is right that there is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

Cruse Bereavement offers a helpline, email support, and counselling and support groups through their local services: 0808 808 1677​, helpline@cruse.org.uk, http://www.cruse.org.uk/bereavement-services

You deserve care and support so please, David, get in touch with one of these services.

If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999, go to A&E or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

Take care,

Priscilla
Online Community Manager

Sorry Colin I was so shocked by what Dave said I forgot to reply to you,sometimes it’s just so hard to know what to say to people don’t you think.This is a nightmare we are all going through I’m so glad if you know what I mean that we have this site.

skylark yes i understand what you mean on here nobody thinks or says shut up and go away .People that havent been or arent in this nightmare i find lose patience very quickly

David. I am so, so sorry for your devestation. You are dwelling an awful lot on things and that can lead to some very, very desperate thoughts. If it’s in your nature to ruminate, dwell and dissect every last detail then I know from my personal experience that you will do so. This also makes us “withdraw” into yourself as you have commented and I too know how uncomfortable this is. It’s like you are separated from reality and are watching it from behind a dirty glass screen. On top of your grief you have the uncertainty of your future, which I can fully identify and empathise with.
You are evidently a caring and sensitive individual. Had you not been, I reckon you would not be feeling pain to this extent. You were there for your Mum, if you had not been then who would have cared for her, in her own comfortable and familiar environment? You gave her that opportunity.
I hope you are feeling a bit less distressed today, as far as possible. Maybe you have an out of hours team you can ring or ask the Dr for an emergency appointment.
Take care. Tina.

1 Like

David,

I’m so sorry to read how low you are feeling. I really think you need to speak openly to your GP I know mine has been a great help to me. I’ve not gone through the anger part yet. Like you I’ve asked for Ted my husband to come back but then I wouldn’t want him in the pain he was in and suffering again. We all talk to the person we’ve lost and it’s hard going to places we went with them but I try to look on the happy times we had there. When I go shopping at the local shopping centre where we used to go I find my self saying to myself ‘I know you’ll be sat on a bench’ as that’s what he did, he’d leave me in the shop and go sit on one of the benches while I came out of the shop. And yes I still look for him to see which one he’s sat on and I find myself smiling, people might think I’m mad but you know what I don’t mind because they don’t have the happy memories I have.

You have said that you have to start over that’s what we all have to do and it’s what our loved ones would want us to do. It’s not easy but then nothing worthwhile is. Just take it one step at a time first one is an appointment to see your GP. :slight_smile: Your the important person now and you have to look after yourself. If you have a friend you could meet up with for a coffee then contact them don’t wait for them to contact you as some people I’ve found don’t want to ask us in case we’re not ready, well that’s what some of my friends have said.

Sorry if I’ve gone on a bit.

Take care of you.
Jackie

Oh Dave,

Just seen your post and I am so sorry you are in this state. As others have said please go back to your GP and tell them everything you have said here. You deserve better than feeling so rotten all the time.

Mel

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