Struggling 3.5yrs on

Hi all first post here. In brief I lost my partner suddenly 3.5yrs ago when I was 30 with a 5 month old baby.
I am struggling with a lot of different emotions at the moment and feel I am not living a real life if that makes sense. I don’t know if I’m experiencing a huge wave of fresh intense grief or if new life changes are bringing about depression.
Would be helpful to hear suggestions on how I begin to move forward/seek help (already had bereavement counselling)
Thank you in advance

Dear Feb16
I am so sorry that you have lost your partner but hope that you will find comfort and possibly answers in the threads posted on this site. I lost my soul mate in June 2016 so understand a little how you feel…you must be very strong indeed to have come this far and looked after your little one as well as shoulder your grief… perhaps the way you are feeling now is because you have put your own feelings to one side whilst concentrating on your child…the passage of time helps us cope but moving forwards is hard and each of us encounters rough patches…often when we least expect them. Perhaps you should have a word with your GP and please read through the posts here…some of them will surely resonate.
Take care x

Thank you for the reply. I am sorry to hear of your loss, grief is the most horrendous indescribable feeling and I hope that you are coming through it x

Hi there! I am so glad you came on here. You will find so much help from these kind folk. There is no time limit on grief. Neither is there a fixed way to cope. 3.5 years or 33.5 it can still hit hard. It’s about ‘triggers’. I have mentioned this before. The pain of bereavement may leave us externally, but can often linger in the unconscious. No one ‘gets over it’ but the pain can and does moderate.
I can hear the disbelief from many who are in real pain and think it will never end.
As you go on after such an awful loss you may find emotions suddenly occur for no reason you can see. Sounds, sights, smell although not consciously associated with your bereavement can ‘trigger’ emotion from the unconscious. You may not realise why at the time. ‘Out of the blue’ best describes it.
If there are new life changes then your emotions may react in a strange ways.
Try and accept if you can. Fighting and struggling with emotions or trying to get rid of them is not a good idea. It’s like trying to push a cork under water with one finger. It will continue to pop up elsewhere.
Suggestions can only be generalisations. Everyone copes in their own way. But my suggestion is to accept the new feelings. Try not to let them frighten you. It’s not unnatural to feel as you do after a long time. Not at all.
Take care and be kind to yourself. Give yourself some TLC as well.

The best way is to accept that it may happen from time to time.

This all really makes sense thank you for the reply.
I struggle with trying to live a life that’s so different from the one we had envisioned and know I need to accept it it’s just really difficult.
Thank you

You sound so brave to me. To have even reared a five month old child, whilst losing someone u love, seems so difficult. Yet, u do it, every day. Its different for the likes of me, who can sit and have time to grieve, but u have had to get up and go on. Maybe thats ur way of coping, and hats off to u. I dont thonk i realize how well u re doing. Give urself a bit of credit and praise. U deserve it.

Thank you for taking the time to reply and your kind words

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