I lost my mum suddenly in mid September, the day happened to be my birthday, certainly day I’ll never forget, nor a day I’ll ever be able to celebrate ever again. My mum went into hospital for aortic valve replacement surgery which we understood to be a complex procedure, but a straight forward and smooth sailing recovery.
The surgery was a success and she was on the way to recovery, however two days later the doctors advised that her kidneys were failing (not ideal by any stretch, but people can live and have dialysis etc so we weren’t overly concerned, just an obstacle we knew she could overcome!). The next day (Friday) when we went in to see her, the surgeon pulled me and my stepdad into an office to tell us her liver was failing. This is where I breakdown. I call my partner to tell her my mum is going to die, I stayed by her side all night. She was mostly incoherent and in and out of consciousness.
The next day we were told they needed to induce a coma. My whole family were there at this point. Mum understood what was happening as she told my stepdad “this isn’t fair”. My only peace of mind is that I asked her “mum, you know how much I love you don’t you?” Her reply was “of course I do, I love you too”. That was the last words she said. The next day, my birthday, at 3.05am, she left us.
I don’t know what I’m trying to achieve by writing this. I just know I needed to write it down to people who have either been through the same thing or are going through the same thing. I am heartbroken and lost. So completely lost. Thanks for reading
I am so very sorry for your loss. Heartbreaking reading this. Especially as it was your birthday. How dreadful for you. My mum passed in May aged 90. She had been in for aortic valve replacement a couple of years ago, she had the TAVI procedure and got over it ok, but she had kidney cancer and never got around to getting the biopsy as, after she had recovered from heart failure, she was too old (her surgeon said) to go ahead. She then developed all kinds of issues including seizures and had to go into a care home. I had been looking after her for 5 years and lived with her all my life. Anyway, deepest condolences. There is no easy way through. Just get through one day at a time. Talk it out loud with your partner and friends, it does help. You will feel every emotion there is. Big hugs. xxx
Thank you so much. Im so sorry for your loss too! My dear mum was only 65 and was told after this surgery she could easily live comfortably for another 20 years . Yeah, my wife has been unbelievably supportive. I have 2 children and one on the way, which makes it so much harder as she was so excited to meet her new grandson!
My father passed away 2 years ago following a sudden heart attack. Its been a horrible few years to say the least
Oh no. That is far too young, how awful. I feel your pain. I’m so pleased though that you got the chance to tell her how much she meant to you. A little comfort, in the darkest of times. xx
Thank you so much for your kind words. It really does bring some comfort speaking with people who have been through it too. Its all so hard right now . Thank you for taking the time to reply x
Hi I feel your pain so much I lost my mum beginning of September suddenly after a small operation, my mum was my best friend , my life my everything! We spent every single day together… she was the kindest most beautiful lady who loved all her family dearly and I’m truly broken , I have lots off why’s what ifs I need answers too but I can’t bear this pain so I know how your feeling and I sending you all my love
Im so sorry for your loss. I fully get you and understand what you’re going through. My mum is currently going through a post mortem as the hospital told the coroner’s office that my mum was completely bed ridden leading up to her operation which is outrageously untrue! My family are starting to feel like something went horribly wrong with the aftercare and like you, we just need answers to why! Sending you my absolute best, im so sorry you’re going through this too
Honestly, no more than everyone else. Everyone who is fighting a battle are going through their own demons and struggles. Im sure we will all find peace one day. One day at a time, thats all we can do
Hi @Patron I just wanted to say how unbelievably tragic your experience was. Having to deal with the death of your mum on your birthday is so unbelievably heartbreaking, I am so sorry for this devastating loss. Please look after yourself as this is a terrible trauma to manage, take every day as it comes. No doubt you will feel every emotion as you struggle to process what has happened. I send you best wishes for strength and condolences xx
. Yeah, my wife has been unbelievably supportive. I have 2 children and one on the way, which makes it so much harder as she was so excited to meet her new grandson!