Struggling More and More

Coping with bereavement
#1

Hi, it’s been five months since I lost my husband. He had been being treated for pancreatic cancer for four years, responding quite well each time, but was taken suddenly from us last October when he contracted a liver infection which turned to sepsis. He’d only just had good results from his latest radiotherapy, so to lose him within 10 days from something we weren’t expecting, came as something of a shock to us all. I’ve been coping “okayish” as we put it in our family up until recently, but over the last couple of weeks this has been harder and harder. Then last week, I seemed to tip over from feeling sad but coping to feeling actually rather wretched, tearful and lonely. On Monday I contacted my GP who has prescribed me some antidepressants and wants to review me in 4-5 weeks and I’ve also registered with my local mental health services with the hope of some bereavement counselling. I recognise that I probably am depressed, and that is also making me anxious, but I just want to go back to at least feeling as I was, desperately sad but coping. I don’t want this extra burden of bleakness and almost panicky feelings. But I don’t know what to do. Has anyone else regressed like this in their experience of grief?

4 Likes
#2

Hello @HelensHippo ,

I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your husband that brings you here.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

#3

Hi @HelensHippo

Please be kind, gentle and patient with yourself, don’t give yourself a tough time as that can be counterproductive …it’s ok to not be ok, 5 months is still very early days. I am 16 months in and it’s an emotional rollercoaster, but all completely normal to be like that. Some days will be better than others. I think as time moves on the realisation sinks in that things will never be the same again and having to adjust to the new situation none of us want to be in. Give yourself space and time. Take care, sending a hug x

4 Likes
#4

Hi
You haven’t regressed but you are still in the early stages of grief. Some of us put ourselves through so much to convince us we are coping when really we are still struggling. You are not depressed you are grieving but few GP’s know the difference or what to do. I found it was a slow progress of acceptance and there is no cut off limit. We each have to find our own way of coping but I’m afraid there is no magic pill or quick fix.

3 Likes
#5

Thank you all for your very supportive words and for the links to the resources above. I have alsospoken to my GP and they have referred me to our local bereavement suppport services too. It’s good to have a forum like this to let thoughts out to in the dark moments. Thank you all again.

3 Likes
#6

Just reading this for the first time and wondering how you are HelensHippo?

#7

Up and down is possibly the best way to describe things. The “up” days are usually just about getting through or filling the day with things like playing with my baby granddaughter, things which leave you with no time to think really and tire you out so that you go to bed early. “Down” days are a struggle when you can’t stop thinking about what you’ll never have again, or that you just want their arms around you or to hear their voice.
I had a couple of exploration sessions with the local mental health service, but they said that what I probably would benefit from is bereavement counselling specifically which they don’t provide. They have suggested I use Cruse or Sue Ryder (as if I didn’t know those services existed). But I don’t feel I’m in such a dark place as I was just now, so I’m putting that on hold at the moment. Something for me to think about if I feel myself sliding downwards again.
Thank you so much for following up with me x

2 Likes