struggling to cope

Hi, My Partner died a week ago today, I just can’t cope with the pain, I miss him so much. He was my everything. I am nothing and have nothing without him. How do you survive the pain?

Hi.
Really sorry for your loss and no words can help at the moment. I have just lost my beautiful wife a few weeks ago to brain cancer. It was so aggressive I saw her deteriorate from a healthy woman to passing away in just over 12 weeks. I’m struggling to come to terms with everything and
Find it hard to to get up in the mornings. But my wife would not want me to give up so I will get through this somehow just like you will but it is an emotional roller-coaster ride and you will have many different feelings both mentally and physically that you will go through just like most people on this forum. The people seem very nice and understanding on this site so don’t feel alone. I know only too well how much pain you are going through. I’m heartbroken just like you.

Hello, first welcome to the site, everyone here will support you and second the pain is horrible, we all know that desperate feeling of how do we go on and it’s hard and unforgiving. The first few weeks seem like years, each morning you wake up wondering why, why am I here and why doesn’t he walk through the door. Take very tiny baby steps to get you through each hour and then slowly that’s another day over. It’s the hardest thing I have ever been through and even now I wonder how did I arrive here. Oh yes, I still want him to be here but some how my brain has worked out that’s never going to happen, it takes time. There is so much to deal with, those first few weeks and somehow we have to get through them. Grieving is something no one tells you about and if they do, it’s a case of “oh you will get over it”. You will feel better but please don’t expect miracles. Always remember we are here for you, no matter when. There’s going to be good days and on those days enjoy the sunshine and feel that life is going to be ok, relax and enjoy those days, it’s those days that you need. I promise you will have those day.
Ok the here and now, please try to eat well and sleep, keep to your old routine if at all possible, fresh air, go for a walk, it will help with the sleep. I know they sound sensible but boring, just now that’s what you need. Your brain will be all over the place and trying to remember to do the simple everyday things will be hard but doing the normal everyday things help. Remember tiny, baby steps and be kind to yourself. There’s other posts from people just like you wondering how to keep going. Please take care. Blessings S

Thank you for replying, Brain cancer is so cruel, I’ve seen it take a few people I’ve cared for in my life, You have been so brave, and continue to be so reaching out to help others. I believe you are right… I know you are right your wife would want to flourish. Keep going.

Thank you, I know you are right, Today I have coped a little better, although it’s coming up to that time of day when things get worse. I have a friend who has been through so much loss I don’t think anyone would believe me if I wrote it down, but he’s survived and is friend enough to be able to talk to me about the way it is. I’m lucky he doesn’t shy away. I know you will all know what I mean though when I say loosing your partner is the loneliest place you can be. Whatever has ever happened, whoever we’ve lost , he was always there as my support, as your loves were there for you.

Yes evenings and night time is the worst and I am afraid I haven’t found away around it, just keep trying to get to bed and not think. I am so pleased you have someone who you can talk to and who knows and understands what it’s all about. Grief is a lonely business and with the restrictions it’s just made the whole thing more traumatic. It’s hard but it will get easier, never the same again but you will be stronger and it will change you. One book about grieving says the pain is the price we pay for knowing that love we had, I know it’s right but what a piece we are now paying. Just remember, tomorrow is another day and we got through today and so we will get through tomorrow and you will. Keep smiling and things will improve little by little. Take really good care of yourself. S xx

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Hi broken1,
So sorry for your loss.
I cannot help with how you survive the pain.
My wife of 47yrs passed on 4/28 so i have the same question. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in wondering how to make it and i wish you well.
Paul

Hi Paul, yes it’s hard but you sound very sensible and most likely a strong gentleman which will help you get through this horrible thing called grief. Take small steps each day and after the first week you can make it off then another and another, there’s no rush, take your time at everything you do because your brain many not be working as it did before your wife had to leave you. In my case I don’t think it will ever return to the days I could work things out quickly and I don’t put it down to age. Honestly the sun will shine again never as bright but it will shine. Hang in there but most of all be kind to yourself. Bless you. S

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