Struggling to cope

I lost my grandad back in January and now it’s like I’m so fixated on his death I can’t think it was very traumatic as he didn’t get the medications he needed and he ended up on his last day screaming in pain for most of it and I was the only one there to sit and try to comfort him as best I could but there was nothing I could do and now that memory just won’t go away and I miss him all the time does anyone have any tips to at least make it less painful and have some healthy distractions


Hi littlelou,
I lost my dad last year. It’s certainly not easy moving on with those memories and images. The things that helped me were talking about it when I felt ready with my friends, looking over photos of happy times , allowing myself time for rest and sleep and setting aside a time in the day to let myself cry or be overwhelmed. It’s hard but also important that you don’t get stuck. Your grandad wouldn’t want that. And if you find you are still overwhelmed and it’s affecting your day to day functioning don’t put off asking for help.
I know my mum, sisters and I still struggle with this a year on so you are not alone. There are still some things I can’t talk about yet. It’s too painful but hopefully one day I can let them go.


I have times when painful images pop into my head. I don’t want to describe them, but they are moments during his stay in hospital that upset me and stay with me. Things he said which were very poignant, how he looked after 3 weeks in there, the neglect he suffered in there, all very distressing, and of course sitting with him when they removed the NIV oxygen mask to let him die. Thankfully they doped him up. He knew nothing at that point. But he was frightened and having panic attacks at night they told me. I hate that he had such an awful end to his life. I wish for him it could have been quick. I suppose we would all wish that they go peacefully in their sleep. If anyone reading this has lost someone whose end was quick, please put that on the plusses list and try to be thankful for that.

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