hi, my dad died in March. he had been ill for many years with a heart condition but was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in December and was given 3 months to live. I thought I was prepared for dad’s death but it was awful. I keep going over every detail of the last week. replaying it all and wondering if I could have done anything better. I feel like I need help to put it all behind me a bit. I think I have accepted that he has died but I struggle with what happened. I think i need to make peace with it but i just cannot.
It is all so much harder than I thought. xx
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Hi @sarahjane68
I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your dad that brings you here.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
You might also want to look at: Losing a parent - coping with the death of a parent | Sue Ryder
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Naoise
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I am very sorry for your loss.
have you thought of grief groups or counseling? I always mention this knowing how much they helped me.
mine is gone too and it has been a long hard road. I try to comfort a friend who lost his dad in march. it is the worst chapter in life.
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Thank You.
i am not sure where to find a group. i am very worried about taking someone’s place who needs it more. i suggested to a friend whose wife is dying of cancer that he gets some help and he said " i’m not a wallower" i feel like a lot of people just wnat me get on with it.
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Hi @sarahjane68
Please don’t be ‘forced’ into how you should or need to be feeling. That’s fine for your friend if just getting on works and to some degree I have been quite practical since losing my mum but I’ve also taken time to talk and explore ways of finding some comfort.
I did join an online support group called Good Grief but I don’t think that works for me at the moment. But I joined an online ‘course’ called the Bereavment Journey last week which felt more like ‘me’. It’s run by Ataloss and feels really supportive. I think there’s still time to join this week for the current course.
I’m a bit like you in that my mum had health issues for years but her decline felt quite sudden and her last few weeks play on my mind, even last night I slept badly thinking about her last day & night. Please take care of yourself as it’s so hard and so individual so do what works for you x
he might feel that way. but most do their grief, honor, experience it, do it.
Hi @sarahjane68 I don’t have any words of wisdom but I came on here because I am in the same situation as you. My mum died in September after a complication during an operation.
I beat myself up regularly, worrying if I made her more frightened in her final hours with things I said to her & how emotional I was. Should I have held it together & told her she was going to be ok? These are answers we are never going to get.
I am having Counselling & she advised I find a group to share my feelings, so here I am. What I’m trying to do is treat myself as if I am a friend who’s going through this- tell her she did what came naturally, that her upset showed her Mum how much she loved her. That she had never been in that situation before & did what she thought was right.
We have to live with these feelings (mine is guilt. Massive guilt) for the rest of our lives and we are at the beginning of working that through.
I don’t think I’ve been of any help to you, but know you are not alone in how you feel xx