Struggling to live without my beautiful Mum

Losing a parent
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I have been reading the forum for a while now but only now feel I can introduce myself, I lost my beautiful mum on 16th August and I am struggling beyond belief im finding it so so hard to accept she’s no longer here, I can’t write this without tears flowing. Mum was the bravest strongest person I have ever known she was only 71 when she passed and was still working full time up until last October. She had been dealt a cruel hand, lost her first child. Had breast cancer twice and beat it had bipolar and then last October got diagnosed with bowel cancer with multiple liver mets. She had the bowel tumour removed but never fully recovered she had bk energy and hardly left the house only for 13 rounds of chemo. She was admitted to hospital the end of July for an infection which found the liver mets increased and she had kidney failure. We got her home with palliative care but as soon as that syringe driver made her comfortable we lost mum as we knew her. She did keep asking when she was going that final night she had left us before she took her last breath. I know she looked peaceful more peaceful than she looked in a year but my worlds broken my hearts shattered I can’t live In a world my mum isn’t in I need her so much. I look at my dad his trying to be strong but his so lost his grieving and pining for the love of his life for 51 years. Mum was our rock our world, life’s cruel and if swap places with her in a heartbeat. I had a very vivid clear dream one night last week that lasted only a few minutes it was mums voice as clear as day saying how my grandsons glasses suited him he got them the day before I told her I love and miss her so much she said I love you and miss you to but everything is ok I said you sound much better she said oh I am now I really am. People will probably think I’m imagining it all but I like to think she’s sending me a sign . This grief journey is so so hard I feel guilty for even being here

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Hello @Becs,

I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your mum that brings you here. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Seaneen

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Bless you Becs, you’ve had a devastating experience, no wonder you’re struggling. Give yourself time to process and adjust as you’re still in the early days. What a beautiful dream, very poignant. If it brings you comfort and hope then see it as a sign. No doubt your Mum wouldn’t want you to be feeling sad for too long. I’m 9 months from losing my Mum and grief is a very difficult journey to navigate. Look after yourself and try to focus on all the amazing things your Mum did with you and for you in her life. Best wishes xx

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I have had two vivid dreams like this with my mum. I have quite vivid dreams generally but these were unlike anything else I have ever had. They felt so real. One was that she tucked me in bed and kissed me goodnight. And another is I bumped into her at a family event and she said hello darling to me. But everything about them felt real and when I woke up both times there was this atmosphere I couldn’t describe like she was there. Maybe it is just the emotion in the situation. I’m quite a sceptical person, but I can’t explain it. I wish you strength and love.

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