Struggling tonight

I lost my Mum 3 weeks ago and my partner hasnt spoken to me since Sunday after we had a fall out. This came about from him saying the relationship feels understandably one sided at the moment and that he feels selfish because it bothers him. We don’t live together and I am self sufficient.

His behaviour changed towards me the day after my Mum’s funeral and the above was the explanation he gave as to why he was off with me. I tried to listen and have a civil conversation to no avail.

He said there were a number of reasons as to why he feels it’s one sided but the only one I could correctly guess was the lack of sex. Yes I had to guess - as if I have the energy for that.

It feels like now that my Mum is gone (and I’m not caring for her any more) that he thought things would spring back to “normal”. There is no normal, my normal died with my Mum.

I’m so angry and I feel this relationship is most likely over because I do not have the energy to spend on mind games and arguments.

I just want my Mum :pensive:

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Hi stardust

Sorry that you’ve lost your mom. I’ve read your post and just wanted to reach out. I’ve thought about the situation with your partner and do you know what I think…you haven’t got energy to waste on it. After losing your mom it’s hard to think straight let alone care for anyone else or tend to their needs. I lost my dad a year ago and went into a relationship but after a while it felt like I was giving too much energy and it was needed for me.
Maybe that’s a bit like you too? I got the part where you said about getting back to a normal but there’s no normal. I feel that way too. I reckon what I act mean is getting back to feeling normal but I guess we have to process grief in order to do it.
Take care of yourself x

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I’m sorry for your loss & I’m absolutely heartbroken for you. Loosing your mum is absolutely devastating & there are just no words at this time . I’m sorry your partner is not being supportive and I think it’s a bit selfish on his part - has he ever lost a parent? I would try and open up about how you are feeling with him. I lost my dad 6 weeks ago and I too is heartbroken. Thinking of you :heart:

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I’m so sorry, both for your loss and your partner’s reaction. :heart: Three weeks is no time at all and it isn’t fair of him to expect you to be “normal” already, especially not since you’ve just recently had the funeral. It doesn’t sound like he has any experience with grief and not everyone has, but mind games and arguments are the last things you need when you’re hurting. After such a life-changing loss all energy is needed to simply survive each day. Sending huge hugs!

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Hey @laura1brown23
Thank you for taking the time to reply and I’m sorry for your loss :heart:

I think I’m finding it hard as it’s a 6 year relationship so it almost feels like I’d be removing another part of my identity but then a different part of my brain says this is the worst pain, it can’t feel worse than this. X

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Hi @Michelle2774
I’m really sorry to hear you lost your Dad :heart:
Thanks so much for your reply.
No, my partner has never lost a parent and he’s not close to either of them so he can’t really comprehend it.

I’ve been so open all the way through this journey about my feelings so he’s 100% aware of them x

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Hi @Ulma
Thanks for your reply :heart:
I really couldn’t have put it better myself!
The survival mode is real. It is comforting to know you guys get it x

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I’m sorry to hear this - it must be difficult. Do you have family & friends who are offering you support at this time? Self care is important for you at this time x

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I am supporting my Dad who is just lost without my Mum after 50 years together. My main support really comes from this community. I do have some family and friends but nobody I can really turn to and be unfiltered with x

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Hi Stardust,

Ah I see, 6 years is a long time, it would be like another bereavement! I just think people that haven’t lost a parent don’t realise the feeling. Before losing dad I thought that after the funeral that was closure and you move on…but it’s so wrong! You would be in survival mode so everything feels heightened. Maybe just don’t put added pressure on yourself. It’s been 3 weeks and it’s fresh. Go with how you feel and be honest with your partner about how you feel. Continue to take it day by day you never know how things will pan out. Take care of yourself xx

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