Struggling with how to cope

My sister passed away on June 15th very unexpectedly following a heart attack. I have a brother also. My sister was 12 years older than me and my brother is 10 years older than me.

I was off work for 2 weeks & have now returned. I’m finding it difficult to keep saying that I’m fine when I’m so far from fine.

I wish someone could tell me how to deal with this and what I should be feeling, I feel so numb and my heart is broken.

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Hi Lauren

Sudden death is so awful, the shock and disbelief are devastating. People have no idea unless they’ve been through it.

It is only a few weeks since your sister died and I would imagine you’re still in shock

When people ask you how you are tell them the truth. Don’t feel you have to cover your feelings up just say - " I can’t believe it’s happened " " I’m really upset about my sister " or whatever the truth is.

My partner died suddenly and unexpectedly in March 2018. Talking to a counsellor helped relieve the pressure . Friends and family all wanted to " fix things " and said things that made me feel worse.
I still can’t believe its happened at times.

Nobody can fix this and there is no right or wrong way to feel. You feel how you do and shouldn’t force yourself to feel better for other people’ s sake.

Take time to grieve for your sister, to think about her and talk about her.

Best wishes at this sad time, Jx

Hi Lauren91, I also lost my precious Sister (a year on). Although she was fighting a rare cancer she was doing well, and we were told it was “treatable.” One night she took a sudden turn, and within hours her heart stopped, and the doctors were doing CPR. But they were unable to save her. It all happened so fast,as I was tightly holding her hand as she slipped away. I am still in shock, and refuse to accept this tragic loss of my best friend and soul mate. Going back to work was very hard, and some days I had to run outside for air, but in other ways it was a temporary distraction from the pain. Your loss is so recent, and the wound is so raw. Do not put pressure on yourself to say what others want to hear. You are not “fine” despite people assuming you are, just because you are up, dressed, and made it to work that day.
How “should” you be feeling? The answer is however you need to feel. There is no “right” way to grieve, only what is right for each of us in our particular circumstance.
Losing a sibling is losing a part of ourselves, our past and our future. I understand this type of heartbreak, because I am somehow surviving it., and so will you. Here for you, from someone who can relate. Go slowly and gently on this painful journey. Xxxx, Sister2

Hi Lauren, unfortunately no one can tell you how to cope with bereavement, the there are so many different emotions we are dealing with, sometimes all at once. They range from anger to guilt, self harm, overwhelming sadness and loneliness. When I’m telling people how I feel I say I look normal on the outside but inside I’m a total mess. I lost my partner of more than 21 years on April 1st. She was diagnosed with cancer in February but never got a chance to fight it after she developed sepsis from her feeding tube.
The way I try to deal with it is to bring the better memories to mind rather than the devastating horrors of the last few days she was alive in the ICU. I am grateful I got to spend a month with her at home after her initial discharge from the oncology unit before I took her to the ER one last time.
Even during her final days there were happy events. We had five daffodils growing in our rundown backyard, two were in bloom so I cut them and took them in a little vase to the bedroom where she was resting, she gave me such a beautiful smile I’ll never forget that look.
My advice for coping is try to let the good times and the happy in your heart beat the bad and sad. It will never be easy and there is no magic cure. It only hurts so much because we loved them so dearly.

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I just lost my big sister a few weeks ago and she was 24 and it’s so strange but I understand how you feel numb. I personally don’t know what to do and how to feel. I have waves of sadness but I’m still in shock. But I think talking to someone does help.

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