Struggling with life

Hi. I lost my wonderful loving husband feb 2020 10 days after getting married. almost 6 weeks have past but feels like yesterday. I am struggling with everything right now. This week I have returned to work after having 3 months off to look after my husband through his short fight against Glioblastoma. Returning to work has been very hard, I work for the nhs and in the oncology unit so this in itself is hard but going back home to an empty house has been extremely difficult. As soon as I’m in my car leaving work I just break down then that’s me for the rest of the night and in the morning I dread to go to work.
My husband was well, apart from colds he never got ill. October 2019 we had been to New York and he was ok, then less then a week later was diagnosed with an aggressive brain tumour and a week before Christmas we was told he had 3-6 months. He did 13 weeks after first doctors appointment. Life is not the same I miss him so much. I don’t know what to do, how I feel or even to understand why ? Why this has happened is a big question but for me I just want to know why this has happened again to me. I’ve lost 2 husbands now both to cancer. I’m not old (50) I have still many years ahead of me but why ?

My heart goes out to you, how can life be so cruel, I just don’t understand it. To lose two husbands, I can’t imagine the horrendous pain and the question as you say ‘why you’ . We all ask that question, but for lightening to strike twice
, I feel for you.
What with the pressure of your job, that’s hard enough, to find the strength to go back to work must be so hard .
We all know how you are feeling on here, it’s a hard painful struggle, keep posting, it will help you a tiny bit to share your thoughts and feelings, we are here to listen.
My thoughts are with you,
Bless you sending a hug
Steph x

Hi kardonmay. Like Steph I am at a complete loss to understand why life is so unbelievably cruel. I am in awe of you going to work. Five months on from losing my husband very suddenly I am struggling to find a purpose especially now. I feel we are like someone who has been floored by a blow to the head and is now being kicked . We all feel so helpless and alone but I hope you can gain much needed support on this site. Thinking of you.

Hi kardonmay,
I am so sorry that you have lost two husbands to cancer, there is nothing I can say to you to make you feel any better in such an early stage of your loss.
I hope that you will continue to post, eventually you will get solace and comfort from the members here. All of us fully understands what you are going through, we are suffering just the same.

Hi kardonmay my heart breaks for you to loose 2 husband’s to cancer how really really sad. I to go home to an empty house I’m staying with friends long story so I’m not even in the house that I shared with my partner for 19 years. It’s early days for you it really is but keep posting on here it’s an amazing site with such lovely supportive people were all here for each other. Never in a million years did I ever imagine I’d be on this site. I’m only 52 so still young like yourself I too hate driving home from from work it’s horrible but I have a little breakdown in my car work head off Alex head on big hugs :heart::heart::heart::heart: