Struggling with losing my Dad 8 months ago

My Dad passed away August 2016 after a 14 month battle with cancer (brain and lung)
I was there when he passed, it was as peaceful as you could of wished considering, just sadly in a hospital and not as home as I wanted him to be (they wouldn’t allow us to move him as he was so poorly)
The 1 week before his death he was moved into short term respite to try and get back on his feet after a hip op (broke his hip falling on hospital carpark on way to his chemo appointment 5 weeks earlier) my mom had cared for him daily up until week before his death, she worked herself to the bone and went above and beyond the call of duty, but her Heath was being affected so really reluctantly she agreed with the physio that respite would help him and we were told they would get him back walking and he would be home in couple of weeks, we were with him daily, on day 4 we could tell he was deteriating and not getting better I told the staff he needed to be in hospital he was not right, they said I was over reacting and he was ok, 2 days later we get a call he had been ambulanced to hospital we arrive there and he’s in a very bad way he had pneumonia, they tried antibiotics but sadly they did not work, the Drs told us they were stopping all treatment, 2 days later my dad passed, as peacefully as we could of wished for, with me my mom and brother at his side. It has played on my mind ever since, why wasn’t I more demanding that he was sent to hospital on day 4 in respite? Why did we agree to the respite when he had been fine at home up until then? Would it have helped to get the antibiotics sooner?
8 months now since I heard his voice, since I held his hand, I lost my dad and I was 25, I’ve had all the why me thoughts, the unfair thoughts, I feel like he was stolen from me, I’m the youngest of 3 children and I find myself jealous that they got more time with him than I did, I used to roll my eyes when he would ask me to help him do things like book the pay per view boxing match on tv, but what I would give to be able to do things for him now. Why did I take the years he was here for granted, before the cancer he was still working and hard manual work too, he was fitter than most 25yr olds and he was 72, everyone joked he would live forever, it all happened so fast, I have the photos and the memory’s but sometimes there just not enough, I try and get on with daily life and not break down, but I find myself breaking down at night when I get 5 mins to recap on the day, my mom lost her husband who she had been married to for over 40 yrs, she crys but I try and be the strong one for her, I just have so many emotions, life is just so cruel

Hi Mermaid90,

Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost your dad at such a young age, and how you are struggling. All the emotions that you mention are very normal parts of grieving.

I hope that it helps a little to be able to share things here on this site. You may also find it helpful to read and reply to posts by other people who have lost a parent. For example, all the people in this conversation have lost a parent in their 20s: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/struggling-loss-dad

If there is anything I can help with, or you have any questions about the site, just let me know.

Priscilla
Community Manager

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