I’m sorry for your loss too. Such a sad and horrible time isn’t it. My dad died 2 months ago today and I still feel as numb and heartbroken as i did when he died. It seems like forever that I last saw him it really has destroyed me- I think the day he died a big part of me went with him. People dont seen to be bothered anymore it’s as if it’s old news to them. And all the time I’m walking round holding the tears in until I’m on my own. I sometimes wonder why I bother. Take care x
That’s exactly how I feel, my sister pushed to get his flat empty so she could get her cut of the money and fly back to canada and my wife keeps calling me selfish if I have a drink.
Hi Jules I’m so sorry to hear of you losing your Dad I lost mine 3 years ago on the 4th April and I know how you feel when you say a big part of you went with him. My heart is actually broken and will never be mended until I see him again. I still cry constantly and have mini break downs when I’m on my own as like you said people don’t seem to bother after a few weeks. My freinds (well I thought they were freinds) don’t even ask me to go for coffee or drinks with them anymore as I wouldn’t go out the house for the first 3 months and they didn’t understand why so didn’t bother asking again. My whole life has changed, I’m a completely different person now, my Dad was the love of my life, my hero I used to see him almost every other day. My husband, bless him has stuck by me but he even says I’ve completely changed. I’m telling you this so you don’t ever have to feel as if you are on your own and don’t feel guilty for crying it is such early days for you, cry when you want and just be in denial that’s what gets me through each day I won’t believe or accept that he isn’t here. Maybe that will help you a bit too. Please message me privately if you need to chat I will try help you through as much as I can.
Take care
Julia
Hiya Julia thank you for your kind words. I am sorry about your dad. I don’t think you can ever get over loosing your parents.I have had a bad few days. I have done a little memorial garden in my back garden for my dad. .hoping it may help? Also I know I would have seen him today as it is my grandsons birthday…that hurts so much. We are going to the hospital to see the consultant on Tuesday just so we can try and get our heads around why my dad actually died as he only went in for an operation. It can’t cone quick enough to be honest.
Hello again Jules - sorry to see you have had a bad time recently. The garden sounds a lovely, living gesture. I feel I should have a meeting with the Hospital as I have questions that won’t go away. I don’t thing I’m strong enough to do that - it may lead to more distress but even so, not being able to make a decision does leave me torn as I can’t yet come to terms with what happened. Hope all goes as well as can be expected on the day for you. Warmest regards Tina.
1 Like
Tina we really don’t know whether it is the right or wrong thing to be doing but we are sick of saying " what if " and “I wonder if” and not really knowing why he dies. He should be still here with us.if you can I would try and go maybe it can help? I really hope that you are ok x
Thanks Jules for your reply. I will think about this. I have not managed to get any counselling yet after the CRUSE counsellor said I had been too “negative” and she didn’t want to resume a few months down the line after the first two previous sessions. I am still waiting for NHS. I’m a bit wary of going private as I’d never be sure I was picking the right one. It’s not a good situation though. Take care.
Hi Jules your right I don’t think we will ever ever get over it. I have a little memorial in my garden as well and on his birthday etc I put cards up in there for him, I think it is a good idea you have done that. It must have been so hard with it being your grandsons birthday I know exactly what you mean you want to be happy for them but there is someone missing. I hope you managed to get through the day with not to many years and had an early night so you could cry. I hope you get the answers you want on Tuesday, sending you strength and hugs for that day. Hopefully you will be able to let us know how it went. Take care always here for you
Julia x
Hiya julia
Well we went to see the consultant on Tuesday. I do now understand why and how my dad died. He didn’t mix his words and was very to the point but I feel it was the best way…he even let us record the conversation so we cud listen at home. Which was a good idea of ours at the time but now I keep playing it over and over again.
He basically said that the Wednesday my dad walked into the hospital he was a critically ill man and didn’t have much chance of walking back out! He had to have an operation which was very difficult. His small bowel had fallen into his hernia which was a bad hernia and blocked his stoma. He was a “dead” man in theatre and was put into intensive care in the hope which was very very slim that he could make a recovery. He said his body did not have a reserve! He had multi organ failure as well as pneumonia. If he had survived which was very unlikely he could and been brain damaged and his limbs wud have been weakened. On the selfish side I would of had my dad in any way but I know my dad would of hated it. I would urge anyone in this position to go and talk it through. It has not made my grief any easier I miss and love him so much but I do understand that he really did not stand a chance with everything going so wrong. It is very likely that it happened on the Wednesday so at least he wasn’t in pain before. He never said he was but that’s something we will never know. If only we could all get a conversation like emmerdale last night then we would probably all feel so different…if only xx
You seem really quite positive about going to see the consultant. As you say you still miss him dreadfully but at least from the Hospital treatment point of view you have no unanswered questions and have gained some valuable peace of mind. Yes, I definitely agree we could all do with an Emmerdale style conversation. Warmest regards.
1 Like
Hi Jules thank you so much for taking the time to let me know what the hospital said. I’m really glad you got the answers you did at least now you know the consultant and his team did everything they could for your Dad. And I know we as daughters would have our Dad’s in any way but yes that is selfish and I know as you do that our Dad’s would have not liked being in pain or immobilised or prodded or poked by some stranger. I love my Dad so much that I would have rather gone than him. It’s heartbreaking isn’t it. It’s still very early days for you yet, the only bit of advice I can give you is to live in denial as I do because I think if we actually sit and think about the reality of what’s happened we just couldn’t carry on. I didn’t watch emmerdale I haven’t for the last few months, you were very brave to though cos I heard about it. Thinking of you and sending a big hug.
Always here for a chat
Julia x
Hi Jules thank you so much for taking the time to let me know what the hospital said. I’m really glad you got the answers you did at least now you know the consultant and his team did everything they could for your Dad. And I know we as daughters would have our Dad’s in any way but yes that is selfish and I know as you do that our Dad’s would have not liked being in pain or immobilised or prodded or poked by some stranger. I love my Dad so much that I would have rather gone than him. It’s heartbreaking isn’t it. It’s still very early days for you yet, the only bit of advice I can give you is to live in denial as I do because I think if we actually sit and think about the reality of what’s happened we just couldn’t carry on. I didn’t watch emmerdale I haven’t for the last few months, you were very brave to though cos I heard about it. Thinking of you and sending a big hug.
Always here for a chat
Julia x
It’s now been 10 weeks and it still is so hard without my dad it’s getting no easier. It’s heartbreaking watching my mum put on a brave face. She really is lost without my dad. And to top it all my partner walked out on me last Friday. …talk about kick someone when they are down. I feel so embarrassed about it because everyones view on it is the same…how can he do that? He says our relationship isn’t the same since my dad died…what did he expect I have lost my dad for God’s sake
So sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 13 weeks ago tomorrow. It is the most traumatic thing I have ever been through. I, like you relied on my dad for everything and feel completely lost. I comepletely relate to feeling like everyone thinks you should be over it. I don’t even like talking about my dad to my partner anymore because I can feel him rolling his eyes. He’s works nights and I work days so when he goes to work of an evening I sit and cry. I really hope you find some comfort in knowing that people are feeling the same as you? Never feel guilty for grief we will always miss them and the only people who think there is a time limit on grief have never lost a piece of their heart x
Emily I’m so sorry to hear this. It is traumatic you are right. It doesn’t seem to get any easier does it…I feel it’s getting harder because the more I know I can’t speak to or see my dad the more I want to. Yesterday the tears wouldn’t stop at work or at home. I’m completely devastated x
Such a lot you’ve had to deal with and I’m so sorry for you. How long had you been together? Never feel embarrassed. Like you say how are you supposed to act??!!!
I lost my dad suddenly in January this year and I have struggled to come to terms with his passing. I have started to have panic attacks and also problems with sleeping. Its difficult as he was such a jovial and funny person and we spoke every week without fail. I feel lost and out of sorts with the evenings being the worst as the nights seem to drag on. I have started phone counselling which is helping and also joined a weekly bereavement support group. Its early days but I am willing to give it a go again next week. I would say take each day at a time and talking to people in the same boat helps you to realise how you are feeling is normal.
Lucy I’m so sorry for your loss. Reading your post is literally like reading about my situation. I lost my dad in January too very suddenly. It’s completely devastating. I’m glad to read you’re finding these things are helping. I might try the things you have. Im very good at bottling things up and crying alone. It can only go on so long though as today I couldn’t hold back the tears pretty much all day in work. I hope you sleep ok tonight x
Hi I’m sorry to hear about your Dad I lost mine 3 years ago and am still struggling daily. I have anti depressants and sleeping tablets prescribed by the doctors. The phone counselling seems a good idea, at least you do not have to face people. We have to try and remember our Dad’s are still with us always in hearts. Talk to him and ask him questions like you used to that way it really helps to pretend he is still here. I’m always talking to my Dad, people must think I’m nuts but I don’t care. Stay in denial that helps aswell you do not have to accept he’s gone I think it would kill me if I didn’t think that way. Take care and take one step at a time we are all here to listen to one another.
1 Like
I dream about my dad a lot, and I like to think it’s him coming to visit 