Struggling with traumatic loss of my mum

My mum was hit by a 19 year old speeding on 11th December 2021. She was walking the dog when he lost control of his car mounted the pavement and hit her.

She died at the scene, which was 3/4 minutes from her house.

I have support in my dad, sister and brother. I have a husband and two boys of my own to keep going for.

I am struggling so badly. We have the funeral on Fri 7th Jan and I think a long build up is making me so anxious about it all.

It was so unexpected and I can’t stop thinking about how she died and how scared she would have been, it’s so so horrific.

Just wondered if anyone had experienced anything similar and has any advice on how to stop thinking about it.

Dear Nic

I haven’t experienced anything like this, my heart goes out to you and your family, as how absolutely awful. How tragic.

I wish I could give you some strength, as you so need it, but all I can offer up is, your mum was walking her beloved dog and it would have happened so quickly, that she wouldn’t have even known, as the car undoubtedly killed her on impact, but it would have made her unconcience, so fear wouldn’t have played any part, it is worse for you, the one left, than it was for her, but she did loose her life in this terrible way, so she would he upset for that reason, of course.

But she wasn’t left with horrific injuries that could have impaired her life, leaving her possibly housebound and depressed, she would not have wanted that.

But this doesn’t take away the fact you’ve lost your lovely mum and I am deeply sorry.

I hope the driver was arrested and he stopped.

How was your mums little dog? As How tragic for the dog to witness this, maybe if he survived, give him all your love and comfort him, as he will you.

Thinking of you

Hi there Bodie,

The dog was my brothers American bulldog. She was looking after it as he was supposed to be going offshore the next day.
The dog was also hit but has recovered now, she is just a bit anxious.

I just cant sleep and my two boys are so horribly affected also. They are 10 and 7 and she would babysit them once or twice a week depending on my husbands shifts. They are so upset especially at bedtimes.

It’s so so hard to process this all.

The boy was caught but we have to wait 11 weeks for an update from Police. We don’t even know if he’s been charged or anything. Nothing has berm presented at court yet anyway.

Oh how sad, you must be so exhausted with grief and trying to help your two boys through this terrible time.

I sincerely hope that you can all find peace at some point and manage to sleep.

My heartfelt condolences to you and your family

Hi Nic, I just wanted to say that you will get through the funeral. I have severe anxiety and panic attacks and I was hardly even able to stand up I was so distraught at my mam being gone. But I went and managed the church service (sat on the step in the doorway to the church) and the crem (next to an open door incase I needed to leave). My mam had told me years ago that it was ok if I couldn’t go to the service (before she was ill). I have been agoraphobic for years. She would have been amazed that I was so determined to be there for her. I did it for her.
It’s such a tragedy about your mam. I’m so very sorry. My mam dies a week after being told she had end stage cancer. It’s just not fair, any of it. I wish I could have swapped places with her. I’m so glad you have support.
Weekly therapy has helped me to understand the process of grief and you would be able to talk openly about everything you feel. It is such a devastating thing to have to cope with. Posting on here really has helped me, People understand and are so kind and supportive. They are trying just like us to get through each day. Another thing I found comfort in was to create a shrine for mam (see BUILDING A SHRINE FOR MY MAM) and craeting the tribute site, MUCHLOVED.COM. It’s free and you can add photos, songs, thoughts, light candles and give cards and pressies. I know it’s a virtual site and not real life but everyone can add things. You would control what is ok’d if you set it up. I posted all the content of the service (tributes, song lyrics, hymns, photo albums and the photo tribute of mams life from her being a child to meeting dad to having her family. We set up a cancer donation instead of flowers (she still had flowers for her coffin). Just google it. You can add more space making a payment through paypal so its very easy to set up.
By thinking of you xxx

1 Like