Struggling

It’s been 1 year and 3 months since I lost my partner of nearly 12 years. I feel so lonely and the current circumstances have made it feel unbearable to cope with his loss. I’m working and I don’t have him here to speak to about everything that is going on. I’m exhausted, I have our little girl and I love her more than anything, but all this emotional turmoil is difficult to pretend that everything is ok. I don’t know what will help me deal with his loss, he’s the only person I want or need and it’s such a lonely place to be.

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Hi. Heather. Your pain comes through so strongly in your post. It is indeed a cry from the heart. It’s the feeling of isolation that would occur anyway in grief, but is made worse by present circumstances.
You have your daughter. I don’t know how old she is but very young children do adapt far more easily than us adults. I’m sure your partner would want you to look after your little girl and yourself. Being there for her is so important. You say you love her more than anything. Hang on to that. Love can overcome everything. Your love for your lost partner will never die and you won’t forget, but it does get easier. You say you are struggling. Are you struggling with emotions? Can you accept how things are without fighting and struggling? Facing the situation and accepting it is better than struggling. It’s not easy by any means. Emotions so often overcome any attempt to see things as they are.
Take care and look after yourself and your daughter. Best wishes. John.

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Hello Heather13 …you describe so many normal reactions and emotions when grief has become a part of your life. You say about feeling exhausted…emotional turmoil sucks up a lot of our energy …the same as us pretending that everything is ok to others …sometimes just acknowledging to ourselves that this minute , this hour this day is not ok …is almost like giving us permission to grieve …be kind to yourself and on those good days (and there will be ) use that energy on your little one whom you love more than anything …sending a viral hug your way x

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Dear Heather13,
Someone once said to me that grief is hard work and exhausting, and those words are so true. Our bodies somehow seem to react to our emotions. Sometimes the best thing to do is to listen to our bodies and whenever possible, rest or sleep or do something that helps us get our energy back.( If the tiredness continues for a long time, it may be wise to make sure there is no other reason like anemia or a vitamin deficiency.) It must be difficult to go to work during this time when you also have your little girl. Do you have to go to work or could you take some time off? Is there a family member or good friend you could share your feelings with? I hope you will get support fro many others on this site who have been where you are.
Jo64

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hi Heather13
please just try stay strong for your daughter,hopefully this lockdown will be over in the next few weeks,and you will be able at least get out to see family or friends.
I also hope you got all the financial help you would of been entitled to from GOV.UK
as regards the emotions you are going through,sadly its part and parcel of the grief you are experiencing,we all know how it feels as most of us are in the same situation and we are here to read what ever you need to say,it helps some people to talk about their feelings etc and we members will do how best to help and give you comfort and show you their are people who care.your not alone.
regards
ian

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