I want to my words to help, but I am a mess of contradictions. I’m 20+ years on from my parent’s deaths, creeping up to 10 years on from my Brother’s. I have a lovely family, nice home, steady job (albeit tiring, like most I guess). I am happy in my present, but troubled by my past.
I’m not sure who to talk to. Counsellijg didn’t help me and I haven’t found the right person to talk to properly about all this. I’m crying as I type this and I haven’t cried in so long. I thought I had found a way, but it creeps up on me.
I am tired of all this! Fed up of the fight. Just want things to be easier, although I know that’s not how it works.

Hi, so sad to read your post and don’t worry about crying, it natural and to be honest it’s good for us to let go of all those pent up emotions. I know you said counselling didn’t help and I just wonder how long ago that was. If it’s been some time then I would recommend that you try it again. The other things that I thought about was bereavement groups. Things are returning to more normality and in our village we have two such groups, I know they are not for everyone and at present they certainly are not at the top of my list but they show you other people who have all got the same problem. Sometimes groups are connected to the church and many Vicars have been taken counselling training, it’s just another avenue but it’s your choice. We are always here for you and sometimes just writing about how you feel helps. Hope this is of some help but yes talking is good. Take care Sxx

Hello Pillar

I’m sorry to hear your feeling like this
Grief never leaves you
4 years since my loving husband died and the last couple of days just like you I cried
It’s your body coping - so let it
I think probably in your subconscious things are building up anniversary
Come on this site and talk that’s what we are all here for to comfort each other
You have a lovely family but you still have heartache
I know it never leaves you
You manage to hide it then out of the blue wallop it comes back
So when it does talk on here
You might find just expressing your true feelings on here might release your pain for a wee while
I hope
Sending my love

Just having a wobble. Got my head down at work. Sleep isn’t coming easy lately and that doesn’t help. It feels self indulgent, especially when I read so many sombre tales on here of people whose loss is so recent and so raw. I had hoped to talk of my own experiences in the hope it would help others, but I fear it may serve to remind that the struggle is alway there.
However, to contradict further, life is pretty good on the whole. Thanks for your support. X

You are always welcome and from reading others post I feel that most understand that we don’t get over our loss. We learn to give it a room but try to keep the door shut. When it opens it hits hard and we crumble for a while then our inner strength pushes the door shut again. Life goes on and we have to except that we are part of that life even when it’s hurts. Hard, uncompromising truth, sorry. As they say we are all in it together and we are. Bless you and look after yourself. S xx