My darling Mum died suddenly on Thursday. We are beyond devastated and heartbroken and just don’t know how to navigate this life without her in it. My Dad has been left alone and we are doing all we can to support him. My question is that today we all said ( my Dad, sisters and I) that we feel so guilty if we have a period of not crying , like we have forgotten her. Feeling the pain makes us feel that we are connected to her still but we know we can’t go on feeling this acute intense pain forever because she would be so angry at us. Does this resonate with anyone?


Hi @Nettie3070, I’m glad you’ve found our community, but so sorry for the loss of your mum that brings you here.

Your loss is so very recent - you are bound to be feeling a multitude of emotions right now as you navigate through your grief. I’m sure one of our members will be along soon to share their experiences, but I wanted to link to you our Supporting yourself through grief page. It might help you to understand more about what feelings you, your dad and sisters may experience and ways to cope.

Take good care and thank you for sharing what you’re feeling with us - you’re not alone.


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Yes, it resonates with me and I guess most of us.
Those first days are beyond description, every emotion possible, plus some we dont know even existed, fight for our attention. But be assured your brains will sort themselves out and steadily over the days and weeks the emotions will become less and less. Hang in there, it’s not compulsory to cry all the time. There is a wise saying (I heard it on Dr Phil) that the length and depth of your grief is not a measure of how much you loved your Mum. Remember your Mum wouldnt want tears and grief to be her legacy to you.
If you are open and honest with yourself, it will end in time, and you will smile as you think of her.
Honestly!! I cant believe that when my wife of 50 years died 3 months ago, I would be here smiling at the happy memories of my time with her.

Thank you for your reply… it gives me real comfort xx

I feel the same way. Lost my mum just a week before you and I don’t really know how to feel. She had a 6 month battle with cancer so although I knew the end was coming, it came a lot sooner than expected. I’ve cried but I’m not coping too badly at the moment. I know it’s not really hit me yet but I also started grieving at the start of the year when she was diagnosed. I went through months of just existing like a zombie, it was hell. Couldn’t eat, sleep or work and got medication from the GP which has helped a lot. I also know she didn’t want me to get upset about it. But when I do find myself laughing at something or getting on with things I start feeling really guilty. How can I just carry on when she’s not here anymore? It’s so difficult to navigate through it isn’t it. I think we just have to take each day as it comes knowing they would want us to carry on the best we can.