Struggling

Hello everyone my names Ollie and I’m new to this forum

Last Sunday (27/11/22) I experienced what I can only describe as a living nightmare, my mum tragically passed away totally unexpectedly, she was 66. I’m slowly breaking down inside and I’m struggling to cope.

Growing up, it was just me and mum. Dad moved abroad and although we have always remained in contact, it was mum who did everything for me and brought me up the best way she could.

Mum retired from work in the health services a year ago and was enjoying life, travelling places, meeting up with old friends and spending more time with her granddaughter, my 12 year old daughter.

Last Sunday I was at home when I received a phone call from my aunty who had popped round to visit mum telling me I urgently needed to get to my mums, from that call to arriving at the house and events that followed, my head is a total mess. To hear the words from a paramedic “I’m so sorry but you’re mum has passed away” At first it didn’t sink in, I actually went hysterical thinking it was a joke and didn’t believe anything that was being said. After it sank in but questions in my head “Why?” “How can I have only spoken to her last night and she was absolutely fine and now she’s gone?” so many questions ran in my head whilst I uncontrollably sobbed in the kitchen. Having to identify my own mums body laid in a bath tub has scarred me mentally, the image haunts me. I’m trying to be strong for my daughter, my nan (who’s lost her daughter) and the rest of my family but my god I’m struggling inside, I contemplated taking my life on the Monday morning but it was my partner who talked me out of it.

I just feel such a loss without my mum, I miss her so much :broken_heart: :cry:

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Hello OllieM
I feel your pain and am living in my own nightmare to you are not alone our mind and hearts are not working on the same things our heart has lost a its most treasured love for your mother and our head is in the fast lane trying to put life in somesort of order but its not working they way you want or think it should they are in fight mode. You feel like you have no control. STOP BREATH. Talk about your mother memories that you have times you laughed teach your daughter all the valuble lesson your mother showed you honnor her memory. You are not alone we all feel broken ,helpless but together we can carry the suffering and honour the pain. No one can see our greif. Greif is as unique as a fingerprint. Pain is love we have losted dont be afaird to ask for help. We are here reach out talk sending much love xxx

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Hi @OllieM ,

I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are struggling to cope with what happened.

It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts during their grief journey. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:

https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide

There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

  • If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
  • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
  • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

You deserve care and support so please, @OllieM, get in touch with one of these services.

Take care,

Alex

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Hi Ollie

I’m really sorry to hear about the sudden loss of your mum. I lost my 74 year old mum suddenly and without warning 3 and a half years ago. My daughter was also 12 and suddenly without her 2nd mum who had brought her up with me.

I just wanted to provide some hope to you that things will get better. I won’t pretend the pain goes as it doesn’t and there is a constant void where they used to be, particularly on special occasions and when my daughter achieves something and my mum isn’t here to see it.

I also had no idea how I would go on and didn’t want to be here at times. However I pulled myself together and realised that I had to keep going for my partner and daughter, keep creating memories and realised that my mum would have wanted us to live our lives.

I promise that the pain will lessen and you will find a way of living without your mum. Also those nasty memories of the day of your mum’s death will also fade.

It’s very early days so just keep going hour by hour at this stage and things will improve.

Cheryl

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