Struggling

May 16th this year was the day my sister and I lost our mum, she had been bed ridden for seven years and had alzheimers [ which was put on her death certificate as cause of death]. We buried her on May 26th. 10th July my dad thought his angina was causing him problems, he didn’t come home from hospital he passed away on July 26th, stomach cancer, we buried him 3rd August. My sister and I are convinced he waited for my mum to be at peace,he didn’t complain of pain although the doctor said he would of had it for a while, they would of celebrated their 63rd wedding anniversay on July 19th . My sister and I are both struggling in different ways,Ann [my sister is 5 years older than me] always had the better relationship with our parents and my mum and dad leaned on her alot I am trying to be strong for her, yesterday we had a solicitors appointment and I am not in the will, it is not about money or material possesions I am not mentioned at all my sister is and my two children and Anns son. I feel so lost and alone and hurt. I cant cope
sorry for the lengthy post xx

Hi Quinnie,

I’m part of the community team here and I just wanted to say welcome to our community and thank you for your first post. I’m terribly sorry for your loss.

It sounds like you’ve had such an incredibly tough year, losing your mum and dad - you must be feeling very overwhelmed right now.

Everyone deals with grief in different ways, as you say, so it’s normal for both you and your sister to be struggling in different ways. I’m sorry you have the added pain of being left out of the will, complicating your grief. What was your sister’s response this?

Do you have supportive friends you can talk to? Are you getting any other forms of support?

You’re not alone here, you are among people who understand.

Take care,

Kate

Thank Kate, it is tough. I have a great husband and children, my friends are also really supportive although the type of person I am I don’t allow myself to burden people with my emotions. I am considering bereavement counseling although I’m not sure yet. My sister is one of the nicest people you could meet but does tend to bury her head in the sand, she keeps saying everything will be split down the middle she cannot understand that it’s not about money I feel at the moment like I don’t belong. It will take me a long time to get over it if I ever do and then maybe I can start to grieve properly the anger has taken over at the minute. Sorry for rambling I’m just so confused xx

I’m so glad that you have great family and friends that are supportive. Sometimes we can (even though we shouldn’t!) feel like a burden to those that are close to us. Our community is a place where we can all relate, so please don’t worry about that here or apologise for saying how you feel.

Cruse offers free bereavement support from trained volunteers. If you are considering bereavement counselling I recommend calling their helpline: 0808 808 1677 What do you think?

It sounds like, for you too, it is not so much about the money but how it’s made you feel? Is that right?

Take care,

Kate

Hello Quinnie11, Maybe it is helpful in such a sad situation to think that your mum made her will at a particular point in her life and her signature will have taken only a minute or so. That you are not mentioned is hurtful but you obviously stayed in touch with your mum. Try very hard to think of any happy memories of your mum. I know this is easier said than done. That you are not mentioned in the will does not make you a different person from the one you are. I wish you well at this difficult time.

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