Struggling

Hi

I am really struggling with motivation and just sadness.
I lost my dad at the end of October 22 and I feel like I am getting worse.

I work from home and I’ve started to work from bed and not leaving my room for days at a time.

When I do go out I feel like I am over compensating and being able to put on a false narrative. Telling everyone yeah, I am okay just going day by day. When in reality I am having a terrible time, I was always a really positive person and I can’t get my head around losing my precious Dad.

I really don’t want to take tablets (nothing against them) but I cannot deal with side affects or anything that will make me more tired at the moment.

Any advice is appreciated
Thanks

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Hi Lily
I’m afraid I can’t offer any advice, as I’m even earlier in this awful journey than you are, but just to say I can really relate to what you’re saying. I don’t want to get out of bed at all, and going out just deepens the pain as it reminds me of all the good times out with my dad, which will never happen again. I can’t really see a way through this right now, but I know everyone before me has had to deal with this kind of loss, and even if life is never really happy again, they seem to find a way to manage the pain. Maybe that’s all we can hope for. In the meantime just look after yourself and see your GP if things get any worse for you. Take care, Jack x

Thank you for replying.
That’s the issue isn’t it, I am so logical as a person.
But I don’t understand how people have managed to carry on with hope and joy. It unsettling that part of life is to live with this. I am obviously a lucky person to have a Dad that I loved and he loved me. But I just want him back, I wish this wasn’t real.

I hope you find the peace and the happiness and I appreciate your help. Take care of yourself, Lily x

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I know exactly what you mean. I’ve known so many people who have been through this kind of loss and they seemed to bounce back. Maybe they were just masking their pain. I know I’ll never feel that real family contentment and joy that I used to feel again, knowing that there will always be an empty seat where my dad should be. It’s just not possible.

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You sound just like me. I keep trying to function but inside im hurring . And wish none of this was real . And he was still here

I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. I wish the pain would go away, not even the pain. It’s crazy your not even sad for yourself your said for them and you miss them and angry that they’ve been taken from you. I hope you find joy again take care of yourself x

Hi LilyR1

Know how you feel . I stay in bed for days on end. No probs You carry on doing whats best for you. When you feel you can venture from the bed or stay in it less then thats the time to change the pattern.
We all say like you we are okish to people bec that’s the daft question like how are you that the majority of people ask. Thing is if you told them how you really feel its the start of talking about it and some people just don’t understand so you end up personally feeling a 1000 times worse.
Keep working from home for a while if i were you then try going into the workplace for one day a week.
Same here. I have kept off tablets well so far anyway. I have found this site is amazing and helps me better than tablets.
We are all here for you ok so keep posting. Doesnt matter what you post just keep posting and get support from people on here
I will keep checking in on you
Deborah x

I am so sorry for your loss, the pain in indescribable

I lost my mum last March. We lived together and I cared for her as well as working full time from home. It was just the two of us always, we were best friends

I find getting out of bed absolutely awful. I have never been a morning person at the best of times! I went back to work after 7 weeks and have a very supportive boss and company thankfully

When I was first back at work it made the loneliness and reality worse for a while. There was no voice from another room asking how my day was going etc. Eventually it did become a bit easier

Practically, I am able to work with the tv and have my go to light hearted dross tv films and series, I use them almost like a carrot. Well if ai go and work I can have xyz on in the background. Make sure you have plenty of water to hand too

Getting dressed is also a pain but I make myself so it but decided a total change and got a load of pull on midi skirts and bright coloured tights. I almost look forward to putting them on, they make me feel a little more work like and they are cosy.

It is horrible and it’s fine to say that. It’s sh*t!

Wishing you a gentle and peaceful weekend

Beki xx

Hi Lily,

I feel a similar way. I lost my dad in November, 8 weeks after a cancer diagnosis. I used to enjoy my life and now life feels meaningless and empty.

My dad was a huge part of my daily life and I miss everything about him. He understood me better than anyone in this world and I feel lost without him.

I am not finding the grief any easier nearly three months down the line. I am keeping busy but the sadness is relentless and I cry myself to sleep most nights after lying awake thinking about him.

People have stopped asking how I am coping and if I tell them how I feel it’s often met with silence. Losing my dad was always my worst fear and I feel cheated that my dad was taken when he was always so fit and active and had many more years of life ahead.

I think I’m having a bad day today but nothing feels the same anymore and I’m struggling to find any hope or joy in life. I feel like a completley different person to the one I was before I knew my dad was ill. I’m worried this is it now for me and I’ll always feel this sadness.

I don’t have any advice but you are not alone.

Xx

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