Struggling

Hello all, thanks for having me. This is the last place I ever thought I would be. Lost my 65 year old wife October 29th 2022 after 30 years. I have struggled ever since. No family, can’t be bothered with anything. Hardly ever speak to anyone and about as down as is possible. Hopefully find some answers from people in a similar position.

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It’s so easy to shut off from the world but I don’t think it helps, but it’s hard to face. Have you tried counselling

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I would rather not try counselling. Partly a pride thing I suppose. It’s the loneliness that’s the worst. I’m sadly in a position where I can do anything I want but I really can’t be bothered. Didn’t think It would still be this bad 9 months later. I have decided to just write the rest of this year off and maybe I’ll be able to pull myself together eventually, hopefully.

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I’m 9 weeks can’t imagine never feeling this way

You really need to force yourself. I feel I can’t be bothered but have forced myself to book a social lunch event at local community. All the professionals and friends and family tell me this is positive and the way to mivebforward

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Hi im 42, and i lost my husband 4 months ago. I pretty much feel the same, i can’t be bothered anymore, i put a brave face on everything, especially work, with my family, my kids, I push people away… cuz who wants to be around a sad miserable person who they don’t understand anymore. Im not the same, i dont think i ever will be. No one gets it, and they won’t until it happens to them. Im sorry this happened to you. I really relate to your post

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I’m struggling too. Tonight I have just lost it! Lost my husband 3rd June suddenly. One day I manage to get through it but then the next day I am a mess, can’t stop crying. I do try to get out. I joined a Yoga class but some times half way through the session I get upset and wonder what the hell im doing there…i just want to be at home with my husband!!!

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I couldn’t agree with you more Chelle. I too am guilty of pushing people away. There was a school reunion last weekend but I couldn’t bring myself to go. Even though I knew it would be a good night. Might sound silly but I felt guilty about even thinking of going. Like so many other things I feel guilty about that I shouldn’t. Can’t help it.

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I’m 44 get the brave face in front of everyone, especially our 11 year old but I crack when I’m alone

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ive missed lots of things, but i do try and do things with my 9 year old. she didn’t ask to lose her parent, so i do what needs to be done with her… then… nothing. this is probably the longest conversation ive had in a while

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I just want to stay at home too. If I do go to maybe the shops I shout up the stairs ‘‘won’t be long’’. Then when I get home I shout up the stairs again ‘‘only me’’. She’s still here in my mind.

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I’m with you there @Jiml. I talk to my husband all the time.

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@Jiml Pride comes before a fall. Counselling could help you move forward to enable you do everything you can’t be bothered to do.
Being here is a good start and over time you may make some solid friendships on here.

I hope you can access life soon, I know it’s not the same. My fear is living to old age like our grandparents, 102 and 105! I could potentially live another 47 bloody years!

That’s a long time to be miserable so I’m trying to get out there with life while I can.

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Couldn’t agree more Ali29. Being here IS a good start. I am amazed at how I can identify with everything that people are saying. I thought it was just me being miserable and down. We will move on eventually I suppose, but we’ll never forget.

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Hello all. I totally agree with this. It’s just over 10 months since I lost my dad suddenly and I’ve been struggling too just lately very up and down. More up days then down but it just comes round every so often too. Also one of my best friends has left work beg of this week and she has been simply amazing with me helping me get through too. When other people seem to have just left me since I lost my dad. Also with my friend leaving it has really knocked me down again. Feel like it will take some getting used to. I know she is only a msg or a phonecall away if I need a chat but feels like another big loss. Is it normal to be feeling like this or am I just been silly. X

Yes Gemma76, people have just left. After the funeral when people sent condolences, flowers and cards it’s as if that was the end of it. It may have been to them but to me it was only just starting. People just vanished when you could have really done with the support. I wouldn’t expect people to be constantly calling in for a cuppa but a phone call or text now and again would help.

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So far this hasn’t been my experience and I hope it continues. My sister in laws try to contact me at least once a week and my neighbours also call in regularly.

I know it so strange isn’t it. How it changes things and I agree yeh don’t need to be calling every day but an occasional msg or call is just fine too :relaxed:. Just to check in and when you say no to honest I’m not feeling 100%. Instead of just not replying to you. You need someone to say I’m here if you feel like talking etc. Which is lovely and thankfully I have that from close group of friends who I can’t thank enough. Hopefully it will get easier for us in time too.

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Jimi you must try some counselling it’s made a massive difference to me. I go to a one to one once a week and a group once a month. It’s 14 weeks since I lost my husband and I’ve managed to get through the inquest too. I don’t think I could have got through without the counselling as I felt suicidal during the first weeks. So give it a try you’ve nothing to lose

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I really feel like giving up lost my husband 9 weeks ago it’s getting no easier for me