Hi my name is vanessa and i lost my husband 18 months ago . I went to the doctors on Friday. She told me i haven’t delt with my grief properly, ive bottled it up and dont know how to let go . She says ive got to ferl the pain to get through this , its the hardest thing ive had to do . Has anyone got any advice please x
Hi Vanessa. Really sorry you are still finding things difficult. My wife died 22 months ago, but what I decided early on was that there was no point in denial that it happened. I took all the agony, fear, tears, anger straight on the chin. It was hard, and emotional, and I cried buckets. I sat in “her” chair and talked to her every evening, I refused to create a shrine to her, apart from an odd photograph.
It was extremely difficult, but I gritted my teeth, and bored my good friends about it. But I got through it, my life has recovered, not what it was (it was never going to be), I get a few down days, when I talk to her and I reckon she cheers me up.
I made plans for my future, on the basis I was going to do it alone.
So I think your GP is right, you havent dealt with it, yet. Maybe some counselling will help you through it.
Hang on, try to be positive, there is still a good life to be had.
Good luck!
Thank you , i have had counselling, but thats stopped now x
Do you have good friends and family to talk to? I found there are two approaches often taken by people, all of whom want to help you, some dont know how and try not to mention it because it might upset you. Others (and I was blessed with having quite a few) realise how important it is to talk about it. They sit with you, have a cuppa, and just allow you to talk, understanding what grief is doing to us, and sit quietly if you get emotional, always ending with a hug. I refer to them as my “Rainy Day People”. Seek them out.