Struggling

Coping with bereavement
#1

I lost my grandad last march due to lung cancer. I was with him the last 3 days of his life when he was in hospital. He didn’t want anyone else but me… his mind was slowly going and he used to speak about random things and we always used to laugh about them…
I suffer from mental health problems anyway but the past week or so I have been struggling to cope more then normal. I keep picturing my grandad in his hospital bed with the oxygen mask on, then his funeral and burial… it’s constantly on my mind and I am really really struggling at the moment…

Can someone please help me? Thank you xxxxx

#2

I don’t think there is anything abnormal in what you have described. You have been through, witnessed, and been involved in a Traumatic event. I wouldn’t get too concerned at things as most people who post on here will have directly experienced very similar feelings and behaviours to you. It will ease slightly but there’s no easy route round it. I was very worried about one on my daughters who had suffered panic attacks and anxiety some time ago. She had been to the doctors in advance of her mother’s death and agreed a larger dose age of her medication. If things get markedly worse I would suggest discussing it with your doctor as they should have plenty of experience in such matters. If appropriate you could then be referred for counselling or an appropriate talking therapy. Due to the time lag in getting referred I wouldn’t put it off if you feel it’s the way to go.

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#3

Thank you for replying…

I have been getting serious panic attack s as well this past week or so. I’ve suffered with them for years but never anything like this…

If I am still worried then I shall ring my doctor first thing on Monday morning.

Sorry to hear of your family passing as well. Sending positive thoughts to you and your daughter xx

#4

Hi Vinny88,

I am so sorry for you loss. I lost my lovely husband just under 7 weeks ago. He had aggressive cancer which was diagnosed less than 6 weeks earlier but actually died suddenly from a blood clot in his lung. I use to suffer with panic attacks but had not experienced one for a number of years. However the night George died I had an awful attack which literally paralysed me with fear. I do suffer with anxiety and depression but this has been very well controlled on medication. I have really struggled since George died because I was not with him because he died suddenly but I really worry that he was scared and he knew what was happening to him. I cannot get pass that. I was talking to a mental health nurse yesterday and she thinks I am really traumatised by what happened with George and suggested I contact Cruse for some expert help. I also think I am going to talk to my doctor as although I am reluctant to increase my medication, it may just help me in the short term. I would recommend that you contact your doctor too because panic attacks are absolutely horrible and so debilitating. I hope you feel better soon xx

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#5

Hi Debra…

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Yes I feel as if I need to contact my doctor… I shall give it until Monday and then I shall give them a ring.

The day my grandad passed away constantly replays in my mind. He told me that he ‘wanted to go’ so I asked him if he meant he wanted to die and he said yes but he was worried about all of us left behind.
I told him he didn’t have to worry about us and that if he wanted to go then he could… he closed his eyes and never spoke to anyone again.

I wasn’t there when he passed away but my dad and my uncle were there. I feel so guilty that I wasn’t there especially as he had wanted no one but me for 3 days. In some ways I feel like I let him down.

It’s been just over 10 months since he passed away and everyday seems worse then the day before.

Hope things settle for you and I’m always here if you need to chat.

Thank you so much for replying

Sending love and hugs to you xxx

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