I’m nearly 3 months down the line from losing my dad. My job of 19 years is a bit uncertain, I’m now looking for a job closer to home but in the mean time I’ve been studying part time with the Open Uni. I just feel I’ve still lost my focus with my studies and I’m drowning every which way possible
I submitted an assignment which I know I’ve more or less failed and I feel like throwing in the towel now. I’ve been stressing about it all day and I’m so annoyed with myself.
On the other hand I can’t throw it all away as my dad would be mega disappointed and I would be riddled with guilt.
I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about this as honestly i feel like I’m going mad. I reached out to my sister and told her about my assignment and she text back. “You should always double check before sending”. This comment has sent me in a further downward spiral as I feel it emphasizes how stupid and reckless I’ve been and it really hurts to think I’m mucking up my studies. My tutor isn’t the best either. She is as useful as a chocolate teapot. So I really don’t feel like confiding in her either. Yes, it’s like I’m drowning and the people who I thought supported me are standing filming it happening or just covering their eyes in ignorance.
I don’t expect anyone to reply but knew if I posted on here I wouldnt be getting venom spat at me and I would feel understood.
Gayle I lost mum 3 months ago and I’m still not back at work properly as I cannot focus. Yet my brother and my dad went back a week later after mum died. I would not be able to focus on assignments. And you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. Your sister is being a bit hard on you. Maybe she’s trying to be helpful. But it’s not I know. Is there a head of department you could speak to and who could cut you some slack. You don’t need to throw the towel in you just maybe need more time on the assignments. You need to be much kinder to yourself you have lost one of the most important people in your life only 3 months ago. Your dad would not be disappointed he would completely understand.
My husband has a 21 year old daughter at uni. She has asked me to check over her assessments like her dad used to. I am honoured to help. Is there a close friend or family member that could do the same for you…people say if there’s anything I can do…I have a list! My Nan always said if you don’t ask you don’t get…ask someone to proofread for you. Wishing you well in everything you are doing x
Hi Have you told your tutor that you are grieving? Did you also know you can sometimes bank your tma’s and restart the following year. Plus, I believe they can give concessions for difficult circumstances when it comes to you final result. Even if you feel your tutor is hopeless, She is your best asset perhaps when it comes to studying at the OU. If you don’t feel you are getting enough help from her you can also ask to be assigned another tutor. i’m sorry for you loss.
I lost my Mum suddenly 6 weeks ago so I know how raw it all is. I’ve studied at the OU and I personally would not have been able to continue. I know how demanding TMA’s can be, however if the subject matter is fascinating that helps!
Hi. Gayle. I love that!! ‘A chocolate teapot’. What a wonderful metaphor.
Being able to study or do any mental work after such a loss is always going to be difficult. You can only do your best as you go. But try not to give up. I am sure Dad would have wanted you to get on and succeed. But three months is so soon. You are NOT going mad. We all feel crazy at first. Emotions are so difficult to control and we should not try. Let them come but realize they are all part of this process called grieving.
You ARE understood here. Very much so, and you won’t find a more understanding and comforting bunch of people. No platitudes and cliches. People outside do tend to sound harsh, when in fact they just don’t know how to cope with grief.
Have you seen your GP? Even if you don’t want medication they can often advise on counselling services. You need help so please don’t try to ‘go it alone’. The ‘downward spiral’ you talk about is another symptom of grief. You don’t have to be alone. We are here to talk to. I wonder why you didn’t expect a reply? That’s what this site is all about. Helping each other through what can be the worse experience of our life. Come back and talk if you want. We are all good listeners.
Take care. Kind Regards.
Hi Gayle, So sorry you lost your dad, lost my mum 2 months ago, and seems as though it was yesterday. 3 months since you lost your dad is so short a time that it is impossible to recover enough to study and write assignments properly, you have done so well to continue as you have. I studied with the OU and we used to have a personal tutor as well as course tutor, could you get in touch with your OU regional office and explain your situation and ask for your personal tutor and help. Or get in touch with the O U at Walton Hall. But first you could get in touch with your course tutor and tell her how things are, she may be better on personal issues than on Course subjects. But don’t give the OU up, l found it so inspiring and rewarding, but also it helps to have something to hold on to, some kind of continuity and something that you can emerse yourself in that provides a distraction. For now forget about results, the OU will take your situation into account. All best wishes to you and you have done brilliantly to even complete an OU assignment in the circumstances. X