It been just a year since I lost my Rob very suddenly.
During that year I have such a mixed bag of emotions. There are days when things seem ok then there are days that are far from ok.
There are days when I think yes I can do this then there are days when I think I don’t want to carry on . If it wasn’t for my two kids and two grandchildren I don’t think I would carry on.
When I’m feeling down I try to keep myself busy but that could mean I don’t sit down all day so I don’t eat or drink and that In itself isn’t good .
How do others cope with these emotions that are a daily occurrence.
Thanks for reading Karen
It been just a year since I lost my Rob very suddenly.
I know exactly how you feel, you can go days feeling relatively ok, and you think I have cracked this, I am going to be ok. Then maybe minutes later you come down with a wallop, and you feel you have gone back months. It’s like a rollercoaster ride, and a ride that nobody wants to go on. I can relate to the not sitting down all day to keep yourself occupied. I am either working, as I work from home, or doing jobs in my house. I have tried to stop doing this, as I am just tired. I can’t really give you advise on how to get through it as I haven’t worked it out myself yet. I do feel better when I have cried though, and then I usually ring someone for a chat just to get some normality. It’s a really hard journey, but I look at where I was 9 months ago to where I am now, and I have done ok. The loneliness is the worse.
On a separate note my hubby was from Mansfield, some of his family are down there. He wasn’t into Northern Soul but I like it went to Wigan a couple of times
You look after yourself, happy to chat anytime x
Hi viv thank you for your reply there are so many of us on this awful journey and what choice do we have but to continue on it.
The lost of a loved one has such an impact on everything like you wouldn’t believe .
Hi Karen - That’s all we can do and hope tomorrow is a better day, a day at a time that’s all we can do. Everything this year is a first, birthdays, anniversaries etc, everything is surreal. I am just sad that our partners are missing out on experiencing these things. Take care x
17 months for me losing my husband I could have wrote what you put. Still an awful journey I hope all on here get some peace from this grief journey soon.
It never ending emotions
Hello Karen,. My lovely lady also named Karen died in June 2020, we were together 47 years.
Very much the same as you havin good days and bad days. I have to be busy, if I stop I get depressed.
After 15 months I won’t say it gets better it’s just different , I now surround myself with her pictures, listen to our music and talk to her constantly, I wander aimlessly and talk to strangers as much as possible, I love to talk about my lovely lady and give her the importance she deserves, I have made new friends this way.
This is how I cope.
I now just remember all the joy we shared, love her more every day and look forward to being with her eventually.
My best wishes and love to you dear. Kev
Hi ivyholla yes it does seem to take on a different feeling and emotion as time goes on still not easy though.
I have just come back from a week end dancing in Whitby ( tickets I had for me and Rob before the pandemic) a friend came with me also my cousin and her husband came.
A couple of days after we got back my friend contacted me ( she lives in Sutton on sea) and asked how I was doing and I said what iv been saying for the past year “ I’m fine thank you” but as you know deep down you are far from fine. She said you now need to get something else planned to look forward to , far easier said than done when all your friends are still part of a couple .
I don’t know I will just carry on plodding like the rest of us in this same situation .
Take care I’m sure we are all doing the best we can it’s not like we have any other option really is it , kind regards Karen x
Hi Karen, when I’m asked how are you, I tell the truth, I am sad , lonely and really don’t want to be here, what a stupid question, my friends and family have also asked me to join them on holidays, as you say we are like a spare part.
I’ve booked two weeks in Lanzarote in Jan where me and Karen used to go, one bedroom apartment for one, I’m sure my love will be with me,
My family always included me in holidays but like you all say we’re like a spare part. Kev I admire you for going away where you both loved. I have an apartment in Bulgaria Mick and I brought 15 years ago and spent good times over there I’m not brave enough to go over there yet it was our second home. Come next year it will be 3 years since been over I’m hoping I’m strong enough to face it. Like you I’m sure Mick will be there with me. I hope you find some comfort when you go
We also had an holiday home on the coast, I bought it for Karen to spend her remaining time we knew she hadn’t long, it’s what we were going to do when we retired, although she only had a year here before she passed it holds nice memories for me, I now live here and don’t very often go home, we love them so much and have to find a way to survive, I feel comfort in dedicating every moment I live to my love and knowing I’ll be with her again some day
I think I will have to look at my life like you do and cherish all my memories and years I had with Mick he would want that just so hard 37 years together x
I know Mick would want that for you, I had my Karen for 47 years since we were 16 years old, she’s everything to me, let’s believe they are always with us, until we meet again
Sorry for your loss, I lost my Mick 18 months ago and feel exactly the same. Some days are ok and then others my loss catches me up on and overwhelms me & I cry so much. I have a wonderful family 2 sons and grandchildren. Best to keep busy and arrange to do something every day even for an hour will help you.
Take care. Eve
Good evening Kazzer, l know what you mean and l think we all have good days and bad days. My dad died 2019, my husband 2020 now my mum died on Saturday 18-09-2021, these have been the worst three years of my life. I keep going for my children, our youngest was 12 when we lost her dad, and best friend. Our middle daughter was 22 and she was with her dad and tried to help him, now she is suffering with p.t.s.d. To help me l started doing 5d diamond arts which helps a lot. To help our youngest daughter we got a rescue dog which help her. I hope you can fined something to help you when it is quiet and you are alone that’s when it is hardest times x
I don’t want company but I don’t want to be alone. When I’m out of the house I don’t want to go home, yet when I am home I don’t t want to go out.
Since I lost my husband I don’t have a plan. When we were together from age 19 to 62 we always had a plan, whatever the year, month, week, day, there was always a plan.
I don’t have one anymore, without him here beside me. Wrenched cruelly from a ,loving family, & home by covid.
That’s why I know things won’t get better or move forward or whatever.
Without a plan its just an existence, nothing else.
There is no plan
Mandyt 1234 hi I do the painting with diamonds too they are a great help and passes the time, I have tried reading which I love but the words don’t sink in it’s like my eyes just float over the pages and I don’t retain any of it so Iv given that up as a bad job .
I also do the adult stress release colouring .
Thank you for your response and you take care too x
Hi Karen, I lost my wife from cancer back in March, I wish I could say it’s been easy but it hasn’t. Like you I seem okay one day then desperately sad another day, I’ve been writing my experiences down on my laptop, the whole cancer and final death moments, also how I’ve tried to cope from then on, I find this very beneficial. I have been on days out and a week’s holiday with my son, it was nice to get out of the house, but I can’t say I really enjoyed it, it was just getting away for a while. I’m glad you have your kids and grandchildren that must be a great help, all I can say which is a bit of a cliché is take one day at a time, that’s all anyone in these circumstances can do. Don’t be afraid to talk about Rob to family and friends, they have to understand you need to get these emotions out of your system. Take care and look after yourself.
Wireman thank you so much for your reply I have just been to Whitby for a long week end with a friend and my cousins ( the tickets were bought pre covid for me and rob) I managed to get to the Sunday before I broke down . My friend said she was expecting me to break but before the Sunday so I did quite well.
I have been really struggling this past year, the hardest thing is pretending I front of the kids that your doing fine when inside you are crumbling .
My grandkids are age 6&3 so they keep me on my toes and the beautiful thing is they talk about grandad a lot but then there are picture around the house of him .
I wouldn’t have got through this year without my kids there’s doubt about that.
It’s an awful journey we have all be placed on .
You take care too
Kath23 it’s easier said than done to get out . Unless you have been in this very situation people don’t realise how awful and hard it is.
Loosing anyone is horrendous but to loose a partner is the worst because THAT is the person YOU chose to spend the rest of your life with .
And there’s no time scale on how long you grieve for it’s an individual thing that has many levels and lengths and none of them are wrong .
Take care and like you said there is a lot of comfort to be had from this site it has helped me through some very dark days
Hello wireman, my love Karen passed in June 2020 a week after her 63rd birthday, we’ve been together 47 years since we were 16 year olds, I cared for her for five years fighting cancer, As you know the pain is unbearable, 15 months on I can say I still feel sad, lonely and really don’t want to be here, I just survive by surrounding myself with her pictures, listen to our music, talk to her everyday and look forward to being with her again one day.