Two years after the very sudden death of my dad on 11th Dec 2015 I feel this is the worst Christmas. It could be that I am now looking after my mum who recently has become very confused and more frail. My dad was very active still driving and involved in everything at the age of 81 years and was taken so suddenly, I walked into his house with paramedics trying to resuscitate him. Even though I am a nurse for 39 years it was still very traumatic seeing my dad lying there cold and lifeless.
You have certainly come to the right place. Everyone on this site is so supportive. I think it is the shock that traumatises us. My husband died in his sleep in October so it’s only been a matter of weeks for me. He was 68. I thought he was asleep - he looked so happy with a smile on his face. It was only later that day that my son told me he had died. It was a tremendous shock because I was also dealing with the shock of being diagnosed with lymphoma. Unfortunately the shocks didn’t end there - our best friend of over 40 years also died unexpectedly the same morning and our family business had to close down the same day so I went from being extremely busy to having nothing to do. I really feel that my whole world has imploded.
I think the stress of worrying about your Mum may have something to do with how you felt at Christmas. Once one person ‘leaves’ then it is only natural to be concerned about who is next. All we can do is try to live one day at a time and not be anxious about the future. We both know from experience it is not something we have any control over.
I just wanted you to know that someone is listening and understands how you feel.
Thank you Yvonne for your reply when you are going through so much heart break yourself. Take care of yourself and wishing you best wishes for 2018.