Sudden death of my partner

My partner had a heart attack and died 8 weeks ago. I think I am still in shock. He was 46 and this was so unexpected. I miss him so much and feel a physical pain. I’m back in work and I’m trying to get on with normal life. I feel so lonely because he was my best friend. I’m going through some difficult times and I’ve lost my support now he’s gone. I’ve lost a big part of my life. I feel out of place with our friends because his absence is so notable. We went everywhere together. People say life goes on and this pain gets better. Does it really? I feel like I’ve lost my future and I know we were meant to be together. I’m angry because it’s unfair.

So sorry for your loss, I recognise so much of what you have said. I am 5 months down the line from losing my husband of 32 years from a heat attack.
You are grieving for the loss of what you thought your future would be as well as your partner.
I am still on that roller coaster of grief, but I can tell you that as time goes on,that there are periods of calmness and glimpses of a possible future where you know you will be ok.
Take care of yourself and know that you are not on your own x

Hello. My heart goes out to you. I am so so sorry to hear of your loss. My husband died of a very sudden heart attack too in June 2017. Very fit and healthy man, never so much as a common cold and then bang. You will definitely be in shock - I still can’t believe it some 16 months on. As Kim says, you are grieving for both your partner and your lost future. Of course you’re angry.
Well done for getting back to work. I have found work to be a great help - the one place which is normal.
I know what you mean about other couples. It kills me a little bit more when I see couples and I almost begrudge them their togetherness. I go out with my girlie friends and it hurts so bad when they talk about their husbands and I want to scream at them to tell them to shut up. Irrational of course but then there’s nothing rational about grief.
I do have many moments of calm now but every now and again I am overwhelmed with sadness and still get tearful and I really expect this to continue for the rest of my life. My husband is always with me, always at the front of my mind, it’s like I carry him around on my shoulder. As I’ve said before on these conversations, it doesn’t get any better, you just get better at it. Sending love xx

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Hi so sorry for what you are going through and I understand I also lost my partner suddenly in May to a heart attack he was only 48 and it happened right in front of me I was also in shock couldn’t eat or sleep I’m on medication and had counselling over the phone which helped a bit this site is helping me a lot all I can say is get as much support as you can I also get angry when I see couples I feel cheated take one day at a time and keep posting how you are feeling it helps me.
Christine x

Thanks for your response. I’m thinking of asking the gp for something to help me sleep, even if it’s every other night. I’ve had counselling sessions but all I’ve done is cry. I didn’t see my partner having the heart attack and I think I’m glad I really feel for you. That memory must be so painful for you. I saw him at the hospital, he had already gone. I had to identify him. I couldn’t bare to leave him. I visited him the following day at the hospital chapel. I didn’t see him then until in the funeral home. It was the following week. I gave them clothes for him and i did his hair. It’s a loss people around me don’t understand. How can they? It’s helpful to talk to people who know exactly how it feels. Hope you have a good day today.

Mine was fit and healthy too. Just didn’t see it coming. I’m able to work from home a fair bit so that’s been a huge bonus. I find it difficult to go out sometimes, I get upset and feel like I should wear a badge saying I’m grieving!!! It’s such a cruel world. My partners mum is religious and I think her faith helps her through. I feel envious of this because I don’t understand it. I’m just confused and in shock I suspect.

Thanks for the message. It’s a comfort to know someone knows just how I feel. However it’s also sad to hear that others are suffering too. I’m so angry this happened and I feel guilty about that. I just seem to take it hour by hour . Have a good day.

I lost my wife a month ago now and every day is a battle. I just want it over so I can get in to bed were I feel safe until the next day I’ve got kids grandkids but I feel so alone. Although I’m sure she’s here with me still loving me. God I miss her so much. What did I do to deserve this she only went in to hospital for pains ten weeks later gone xxx

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