Hi all. This is a bit of a long post but I’m really struggling and would do with advice and prayers from others with faith. Last Summer I met a guy on POF. I was so lonely and just looking for a friend to hang out with. Straight away he told me he was in a psychiatric unit and had schizophrenia and BPD, he obviously also had a drink problem. At first my instinct was to run but we got on very well and could really relate. I’ve always struggled to make friends let alone have a relationship. Within a few months he was released and wanted to live near me which I felt very apprehensive about. On one hand it would be nice to have company close but I also worried he’d not cope and drink himself to de*th within a few months. It felt like a huge responsibility. Flash forward to last Wednesday. We met and he told me he’d been drinking a lot more and that he had been diagnosed with high BP. I was getting overwhelmed and frustrated because he had lots of help (social worker, carers, a brother and sister etc) but he was getting worse. He didn’t look well that night, hot sweaty and breathless but I put it down to eating, drinking lots of beer and vaping. He got home and messaged me and we kept in touch, we were supposed to meet on Saturday but at lunchtime he said his carers hadn’t turned up and his ankle hurt. I messaged the next evening to see how whenever was but he didn’t reply. That wasn’t unusual but I had a gut feeling something wasn’t right. By Thursday I contacted his family as he hadn’t been active since Saturday. I thought there was no way the carers hadn’t been in for FIVE days. It turns out he was found unresponsive Thursday morning. I’m completely devastated and feel so, so guilty I didnt raise the alarm sooner. I just kept thinking of reasons (like he lost his phone or his Mum had passed and maybe he was with his family and in a bad way) I had a bad feeling but didn’t want to actually think something had happened to him. I’m desperate for forgiveness because I feel like I failed him even though deep down he was obviously very ill and struggling. Not knowing how he passed is crushing me. A heart attack or other natural causes won’t lessen the grief but at least I’ll know he didn’t do it on purpose.
Hello @DorsetRuth,
I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. It can be so hard when we don’t have answers.
The sudden death of someone close to you can often leave you with intense feelings to cope with as you grieve. And you might also be coping with the trauma and shock of it, which can make it all the more difficult.
Many of our members have experienced a sudden death and will understand some of what you’re going through. You can read some recent conversations about this by clicking this link. You might find some comfort and support in knowing you are not alone.
You may also find our info page on coping with sudden deaths helpful to read.
Please be gentle with yourself and keep reaching out,
Seaneen
I’m sorry to hear of your situation Beth. What ever happened you shouldn’t blame yourself. He is in a better place now where he won’t have to suffer. I don’t know the reason for his problems, though I adopted a very trouble boy who had been abused in so many ways he now lives in care. I don’t believe people with such problems have the same responsibility if you are worried about suicide. I’m sure he’ll be in a beautiful place now.
Wishing you peace
Tom