My husband of 22 years died of a cardiac arrest whilst we were away on holiday in Jamaica last June, I am still waiting for all the paperwork ie Death Certificate etc seven months on, I don’t seem to be moving on at all, he was my life, soulmate, best friend, I’m lost how do you cope with the hurt, pain , emptiness, loneliness
Oh Anny it is such a shock isn’t it 
my husband didn’t feel too well so got taken into hospital and was getting an MRI scan to see what was wrong when he took a massive sudden and unexpected heart attack and they couldn’t bring him back so like you I am totally bereft, devastated and still in shock. I had lost mum three weeks before Colin so a double whammy so to speak 
You sadly have the added stress and pressure of the paperwork still being ongoing. I can’t imagine how distressing it was for you coming home on your own we never think anything so awful will happen to us do we. Every day on waking you remember what you lost and how the future you had planned together has now disappeared. I don’t know how we cope with it but we do. I just want to be with Colin but I have a wee dog and it’s her that makes me get out of bed in the morning or I probably wouldn’t bother. I am lucky I have a great family and friends who have been amazing. I hope you have a good support network? Chatting on here to others in the same boat has been a lifeline for me.
Sending you positive thoughts
V xx
Thank you for your reply, it’s like ground hog day living the same emotions over and over in your head, I still don’t know how I traveled home on my own. I think you are in such shock you just go through the motions and I really don’t believe it hit me until a couple of months ago what exactly happen, it’s like a dream, I am like you I have a small dog and he keeps me sane x
We always went on long haul holidays also and I used to fleetingly think what if something happened when we were away so I can’t imagine how you did it as you say you must have been in such shock you would be on autopilot. You wake up missing him and go to bed missing him more. It’s the thought of a future without him I can’t cope with. He was only retired 2 years and we thought we had years together yet. It’s only been 9 weeks for me and you are further down the line but still grieving terribly. I don’t think we will ever get over it do you?
My Chris was 54 no age, he was an amazing man. So funny, full of life, we loved our holidays and like you say , you do go to bed thinking about them and wake up thinking about them, I’m like you the future really frightens me, and being alone for the rest of your life, as I can’t imagine my life without him
Oh that’s awful 54 is so young you must be devastated. Colin was like Chris really funny and acted like someone half his age. Never ill either so that’s why it was so unexpected, he was healthy and active ate salad and fruit while I ate chocolate and pizza! So unfair, I am just so bloody angry at the world just now. Have days when I cry non stop as I am sure you do also. I don’t know what the future holds for us now we are on our own, so scary
I miss him so much, my heart aches some days, and yes I cry a lot , some days more than others, don’t think I will ever get over losing him, he was my everything my life, i am taking his ashes back to Jamacia in March as he wanted his ashes scattered there, it’s going to be really hard for me to do this, but I must ad I need some closure on what happened
I know, Colin was my world and life without him is 
are you going back alone with the ashes? Maybe the fact Chris wanted scattered in Jamaica was to motivate you to go back there. We went to Barbados a lot but I can’t see myself going back without Colin 
Anny - I also lost my partner of 16 years, he died of a brain aneurysm nearly 3 months ago. I know its scary to think of facing the future on your own. I cope with this by not planning anything more than a week ahead.I hope that like me you have supportive friends and family. The other thing that helps is keeping myself busy as I find that its when I am on my own with nothing to do that the negative thoughts creep in and I get upset. I really do feel lost at times though as I loved my partner so much and it really feels like I half lost half of myself. However my two cats and our kids give me a reason to go own. They say time is a healer, I only hope this is true. Keep smiling Anny and one day the sun will shine again for both of us xxxxxxxxx
Morning, I’m going back to Jamaica with my daughter, I am going to try and celebrate his life whilst we are there, as it was his favourite place in the world, like you just miss him so much, life is just so empty x
Thank you for your kind words, and I’m really sorry for your loss, I would like to say I know how you feel, but I think it’s easy to say this !! But I don’t really think we actually know how someone else is grieving it’s such a personal emotion, it’s seven months down the long lonely road for me, yes I have children from a previous marriage, and they are a comfort but I just won’t Chris back, which I know is impossible but I can dream , but reality hits you hard doesn’t it x
Glad your daughter is going back to Jamaica with you. You can revisit all the places Chris loved and have the memories of the good times. I live at the coast and was going to scatter Colin on the beach but just can’t do it yet, I have him here with me. As he moved to Scotland to be with me I sent some of his ashes to his sister in Surrey so a part of him is back where he was born
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That’s beautiful
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It’s early days for us both, just before chris passed away he said if anything happens to me leave me here, so that’s what I have to do, I’ve been speaking to people who have survived Cardiac Arrest which isn’t many and they said they had a feeling of doom, so I need to take him back, I am taking him back for his birthday so I will not not lots of dates to remember
You are respecting Chris’s wishes and that’s all any of us can do. Jamaica was going to be our next holiday destination but think it will be a while before I can leave my wee Daisy dog, she’s just got used to her Dad not being here so if I disappeared it would not be fair on her That is interesting about the cardiac survivors I will need to check that out 
I don’t know if you are interested but I am getting a heart made of Chris’s ashes, I went down to Dartford last week with my daughter to this workshop it’s really amazing what they do, he’s called Chris Parry memorial jewellery check it out if you are interested, he had an online shop, I just think I will have Chris near my heart forever, I’ve had it made in gold with the words love of my life engraved around the sides, they add the ashes in resin in the middle with gold leaf and I added some of Chris’s hair, I’ll try and send you a photo
Thanks for that Anny, pendant looks lovely and so apt that you can keep him next to your heart always. I have a miniature urn with some of Colin’s ashes and my sister had a Christmas tree decoration made for me with his ashes pretty similar to your pendant and my friend got me a necklace with his photo and a little heart that contains some of his ashes as well. I will certainly have a look into the online shop though
Hello Anny I so thoroughly recommend Chris Parry when my beloved Ron passed 3years ago he made Ron"s St Christopher into a necklace for me with some of Ron"s ashes inside, Ron loved his St Christopher so with some of his ashes in it I feel so close to him. Also our two daughters had heart necklaces made with some of their Dad"s ashes inside and they love them. Also he made me a ring with a heart and some ashes inside. Chris Parry is such a lovely man and he can do anything you want. Chris has a website for you to look at at. He has helped us all . xxx Carol. x
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