Sudden death

I lost my husband of 47years over 9 months ago
While I am coming to terms with the fact that he has died I am struggling with the suddenness of it
He was 70 and relatively fit . He went to take the car for a service . He looked well and was absolutely fine that morning
He never cave home as he collapsed in the street and died a short while later from a heart attack
The police came for me and I was rushed to the hospital but he was dead by the time I got there
How do I deal with this as I keep going over and over it

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Hello @Annie17,
I am so sorry your husband died and so suddenly. This is hard. This is so difficult to understand. I am no expert, my bereavement, too, was very different, a long and slow decline, so time to prepare - as much as one ever can. I think some counselling might help - or talking with friends or family members who can understand or at listen as you pour it all out. You were together for a very long time and that connection, that running conversation you were having, that companionship, just ended with no warning. That is tough beyond. Talk about it, keep talking about it and you will find a way to comprehend it - and maybe keep talking to your husband. I do that, all the time, it helps. Loads of love, my friend.

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@Annie17 my partner died suddenly and unexpectedly in January, he went out for a bike ride and didn’t come home, he was 49. First I knew was when the police came to the house. He’s life was over in 1 minute, massive cardiac failure.

5 months in, I still have days of complete devastation but there are many days of a new normal. I still expect him to walk through the door and I miss everything that we used to do and things we won’t do anymore.

I have some difficult times coming up but I will take a day at a time. Life will never be the same but I will take it slow and see what the future is as I can’t avoid it.

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Annie17
Sorry for your loss big hugs,
Know exactly how you feel my husband had a cardiac arrest whist driving no warning,
I was in the car and managed to stop it safely
We had 2 ambulances arrive and Air ambulance,the police blue lighted me to hospital following the ambulance,
My husband passed away 2 hours later
Still have nightmares about that day
Just over 8 months ago,
Take care
Sue x

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oh @Susie3021 - I am so sorry, I am so sorry. Sending a huge hug and loads of love, your friend on this long road, Vancouver x

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Thankyou all xx

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Vancouver,
Sorry for your loss big hugs
Thank you for your kind words ,
It was my husband Birthday last week and had a meltdown in the cemetery,
Life is so difficult without our loved ones
Take care
Love Sue x

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@Annie17 my husband suddenly passed away at Christmas. I went to work on the Saturday and Sunday my son rang me to say that dad had collapsed. Time I got home he was gone. I did CPR until the paramedics arrived. He was just 53 years old. Never got the chance to say that I love you, I appreciate you and I am sorry for not noticing how ill you was. I feel so guilty that I couldn’t save him. I miss him so much. Life is so unfair and cruel. So many ifs and buts. Xx

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Hi @Annie17. I’m so sorry for all you have lost and all I can offer is that you aren’t alone. My husband had a cardiac arrest when we were out walking almost 11 months ago and my world fell apart. There was no run in, no prep and it’s left me with this feeling of absolute absurdity. How do you reconcile what went before and what is now? They can’t both be real?

And as I think I am going totally bananas, i step back and think ‘of course I am’. The world has just shown me I have absolutey no control over anything. It’s all random. And that everything can change in a heartbeat (or lack of) - well I can never unknow that. And to be anything other than completely bananas would be …well bananas!

I’m not sure I’m making sense …bit sleep light lately.

As @Vancouver says, keep talking. Keep posting. Keep going. There’s going to be a path for us. It might not be the one we want but I"m going to keep walking and see where it takes me.

:heart::heart:

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I know how you feel. My husband went to play golf and died on the course. I’m finding it so hard. It is affecting me physically as well as mentally. I just wish I could feel better.

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I am so sorry . My husband of 30 yrs aged 58 collapsed and died 6 weeks ago . He was my life . The pain is so terrible I can’t imagine it going away . I feel so sad for everyone who has lost a loving partner

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So very sorry to hear this. I can understand this. My dad went out to cut a branch down hanging over the road . He didn’t want anyone to be hurt. He had a heart attack and didn’t come home . We to went to the hospital where it was too late.
It’s such a shock he was my best friend .
I suppose we need to some how be grateful they didn’t suffer. They haven’t got to suffer.
But when it’s sudden then it’s us that suffer .
Try and remember the lovely memories . Try and think of one lovely thing every day . Talk to them often keep them alive by talking about them often . I don’t Spose that helps. But that’s what I am trying to do . My thoughts are with you. Be kind to yourself . X

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@Stillhiswife Just looking at your tag name - reminded me of the sudden realisation I had when asked by government departments and banks etc who I was and I said his wife, and on one of the calls I said well I suppose I’m his widow now. I know exactly what you mean about everything being absurd. My husband died suddenly in an accident and of course at the funeral and afterwards you tell people he died in an accident and they ask what kind of accident and you stand there and you can hear yourself speaking, you know you are saying the words but you feel as if you are in an altered universe, where it’s not real, so if this isn’t the real life, where is the real life. Is it where my husband has gone? Is that the purpose of this life, that we make all our mistakes and bad decisions here - so this is like a trial run and then our loved ones go off to where we’re actually intended to be? So yeh, I know exactly what you mean and I have asked myself if I will actually go mad. Someone told me in the first few months after he died, when I said I felt as if I’m in an altered universe, “that’s probably the shock”. I suppose the weird feeling is less than it was, which I suppose is good, because I think there is a fine line between coping and the onset of depression. I find this site is of help and I’m grateful for that.

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My husband aged 52 went to Belgium nearly 9 weeks ago and never came home still waiting to find out what happened. Still expect him to walk up the path. Don’t know how you accept it I’m struggling to

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So sorry . That is so terrible for you . There are no words that make this cruel life better after such a loss . I hope you get answers soon .

Hi

I am so so sorry for your loss and feel for you.

My husband died six weeks ago after we’d spent a lovely evening with our friends / neighbours. I came home first and went up to bed. A little while later he came back and called out for me to get a torch, as he insisted on walking our neighbour back home safely to their house in the dark. After that he came back into the house and from what I can piece together he must have started to come up the first step of the stairs and lost his balance, fell back and hit his head. Literally gone in the blink of an eye. He was taken to Addenbrookes, but there wasn’t anything they could do. We had to stop life support 36 hours later.

I replay that evening and night every single day. The “what ifs” torture me. I don’t know if or when they may recede, but for now I just try to find a way to get through each day.

Wish I had a magic solution for you, but just know you’re not alone

Xxxx

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I am so sorry for you too . It helps to hear others stories and see we are all in the same situations .

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It does help it’s unbelievable how many people are actually in a similar position

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Thankyou everybody for your comments
It is not easy and not a day goes by that I don’t shed a tear .
I don’t like to burden family and friends so this site is great for me to off load
Hugs to all

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That’s not Bananas.

I felt like I was going mad for a long time.

The range of emotions to grief is what is bananas.

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