My husband died 2 months ago. His death was sudden and unexpected. He didn’t come home and police came to my door to let me know that he had collapsed and died. I still feel traumatised, and angry that I can’t change anything and didn’t get to say goodbye. I want to move forward but I can’t.
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@Fiasco hello, I’m so sorry to hear about your husband, you must be absolutely devastated by your loss. This site is a step in the right direction, everyone on here has been where you are, it’s been 9 months since my Wife died so I can understand how you feel. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by everything, I felt as if I was losing my mind. I’ve found it really beneficial to come on here and chat, everyone will understand and help as they can. It also helps to get things out, there’s no judgement here so just rant away
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Thanks. It’s hard to see a future right now. Sorry about your wife. It’s good to know that you have found this site useful.
@Fiasco so sorry to hear of your loss. You will still be in shock and the rawness of such a tragedy will be impacting you greatly. I lost my partner almost 7 weeks ago - he had a heart attack and died in his sleep aged 71. He had been suffering with COPD (lifetime of smoking) for a few years and this was getting gradually worse. He kept mentioning an ache in his chest but then put it down to anxiety. I kept asking him to please go to the Doctors - he eventually did, and should have been going into hospital a week after he died. But he left it too late. He hated going to the Doctors and I know he wouldn’t have wanted to be a burden to people but I feel so guilty, like I could have done something to save him. I also feel frustrated at him being taken so suddenly and not having the chance to say goodbye. It’s so hard to stop the anger, so I can relate to what you’re going through. I have found this site a comfort, but the emotions for me are still very much a rollercoaster.
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This was me just 6½ months ago. I relive the police visit and telling his family. As hard as it feels right now, as Impossible as it feels, it does get better. The days get less all consuming and the pain becomes duller, the tears become less frequent and don’t last as long.
I’m doing things now that I thought I could never do and having moments of fun.
Keep posting, keep sharing, even your darkest thoughts. We’ve all had them, We’ve all been there.
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Hi my husband was a sudden death but i was by his side holding his hand.I never said goodbye (out of choice) i said goodnight like i do every night.The thing playing on my mind is reliving that day over and over again.So i feel sorry for people who didnt get time to say goodbye.but really do you want to relive that day like me? It is the most horrendous thing ive ever done (but glad in a way i was there) ,I love and miss him with all my heart.Please everyone be glad and thankfull you had them in your life.
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I, too, was with my husband when he died 31 weeks today, although it wasn’t sudden. I would never have said ‘goodbye’ either. I told him how very much he was loved and that we would be together again. I will never forget it but so glad I was there for him, it breaks my heart when I really think about it but he was out of pain.
I love and miss him every minute of every day and cherish the wonderful life we shared.
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This is a very literal interpretation of saying goodbye. I wasn’t with my husband…had I been who knows exactly what I would have said? I would just have loved a final opportunity to acknowledge that we were parting.
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I lost my husband nearly 8 months ago suddenly and unexpectedly. I went to work on the Saturday and Sunday my son rang and said that dad had collapsed. Time I got home he was gone. I did CPR till the paramedics arrived. He was 53. I feel guilty that I wasn’t with my husband and got the chance to tell him that I appreciated him and loved him. It often goes around in my head. The rawness of the beginning has gone though I feel a deep sadness. Moving forward is along way ahead as you need to deal with the shock and numbness. Take one step at a time and keep talking about how you feel. Big hugs xx
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Hi all yes i know this feeling my wife of 44 years died suddenly in my arms in the bathroom gave her cpr and brought her back ambulance arrived took her to hospital where she died seeing everything that happened had to see her at rest in her coffin was my last vision of her and said my goodbyes with lots of kisses
Oh Fiasco, I can’t imagine what that must feel like. I’m not going to tell my story because I count myself lucky being with my partner who passed 12 weeks since, my heart goes out to you and hope with being on this site it can help a little x
Mine was 3 months sudden death abroad. It’s hard the fact there was no goodbyes. And the anger is still there with me and so many questions still. I can’t move on from it but I’m trying to keep going hoping in time that’s feelings get less big hugs
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Hi Sah,
That makes sense and yes you must keep going. A death abroad must bring other complications. I have re-read sympathy cards today and tried to deal with some paperwork.
But in some ways it still doesn’t feel real and that’s probably because I don’t want it to be.
I tried to go back to a few music groups I’m involved in but they involve singing and I don’t feel like singing. Maybe in time. I hope you find some distractions as you try and cope.
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@Fiasco im so sorry for your loss i like you lost my husband 10 weeks ago very suddenly he was coming home from work as felt a bit unwell and next thing i know the police were in my house telling me he had had a heart attack at the wheel and had gone. Im grateful for the fact he called me before he left work as the last words he said to me were i love u but it still hurts so much x
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Got 3 kids still at home youngest being 11 so they help keep me going. One day you might feel you can go but the next you can’t everyday is different emotionally I think
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Sah mines been 10month, you have good and bad days.The last 2 for me have been horrendous i was at work and something just came to my mind about the day he passed and i cant stop thinking about it.i feel so guilty.
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Try talking about it, it might help
When i say it out loud it sounds stupid but here goes.My husband said to me in hospital (where he was took for a suspected heart attack) that he was very tired .not realising i told him to go to sleep …i feel so guilty i didn’t mean for him never to wake up.
he was so scared.
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It was a very innocent comment you telling him he needed rest, you obviously didn’t expect what followed. You said he was very scared and it sounds like you you were trying to calm and relax him. But we do over think every step and over analyse. Hopefully in time you will think differently.
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Thankyou for your kind words.x
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