I’ve lost my mum suddenly she had a relatively straightforward surgery 4 weeks prior, she seemed to be recovering well. 4 weeks and one day post surgery she has a blood clot which travelled to her lung and there was nothing that could be done. I’m devastated.
I can’t get my head around how we can be talking normally and everything is fine, all the plans for the weekends, time with grandkids, trips etc. talking to her then a few hours later she is gone.
My son is school age and was so close with her. She and my dad were married 45 years and he is lost too. I’m exhausted from trying to support them both, and keep myself on my feet.
Sleeping doesn’t help, as most nights I dream on the night we lost her, expect in my dream she was able to be saved, when I wake it takes a few minutes before reality hits and I feel like I’m floored again.
I am expected back at work but I don’t think I’m ready to return. But i’m not sure I get paid when I’m off and so there isn’t much choice.
I don’t know what I expect from this, other than to say what I’m struggling to say out loud. Life can be so cruel.
Thinking of everyone who has lost, this is a pain I wish no one had to suffer
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Good morning Lost28.
I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your lovely mum. Life is very cruel. I totally agree. I also feel the way you do. I still cannot believe my mam has gone. She passed away 4 weeks ago. I cannot fathom either how someone we love can be here just looking as they usually do and planning things and chatting and then all of a sudden, they aren’t there anymore.
I feel anger, sadness. I scream out crying. I wake up on a morning and for a second or so feel my mam is still alive. Like you, your dad, son and other family members, to be together for such a long time creates a special bond between you all. I lived with mam 60 years. Never apart. Went everywhere together. For the last three years she had Alzheimer’s and I was caring for her. Despite this, she was on medication and doing okay. She ended up.in hospital. She was 82 years old. She had a blockage in her small bowel. They tried to clear it, but didn’t succeed. They refused to operate. We got mam home having palliative care. I am just so glad I got her home. She wanted to be home. She was well looked after and I was with her all the time.
I wish I had an answer for you. Work wise I would contact where you work and tell them how you feel. Say what they say. Some work places can be very understanding. If that doesn’t work see via a triage form and get some extra weeks off work. Don’t start back feeling like you do.
As a family, and I know it is tough, but continue to be there for each other and support each other.
Well done for posting on here. Also contact Marie Curie Bereavement support. They are very good.
As you say your son was very close to his grandma. I don’t know how old he is, but their relationship was very special and it will leave a chasm in all your lives. Someone once said to me a few weeks ago: the deeper the love we have for a loved one, the deeper our grief will be. God bless and I send you my love and condolences. Stephen.
I lost my mum unexpectedly, one minute I was making her tea and toast, next getting and ambulance, she wanted DNR so just watched her slip away, still hounds me to this day.
I feel your pain and confusion it’s hard to emotionally deal with and it’s a roller coaster of emotions, fine one day, next uncontrollable crying, grief is unexplainable as it affects everyone differently.
But what you can do and have done is reach out on here. It’s saved me from mental despair many a time. Help is available and the first step is asking for it. Well done for reaching out and sharing how you feel.
Plenty support on here, from like minded people who are feeling as you do, plus professional guidance if you need it.
Sending hugs and support xx
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Miffy 1
Thank you for your kind support and words. I really appreciate it. Being on here has helped a lot.
I am sorry to hear about the passing of your mum. The normality of how it started is the hardest I think. You are just doing your daily routine and life is torn apart.
Although mam came home from hospital for 9 days in palliative care, which we all wanted especially getting mam home, it started normally. Like you, we had got up and were doing our normal routine. Mam loved music and I made lots of playlists to listen to. She had been tapping her feet and trying to sing along. That memory still makes me sad. As the day progressed I had to ring an ambulance at tea time.
God bless and sending you all my warmest wishes and regards. Stephen.
Lost28, I totally understand what you are going through. It is a terrible shock. I was numb and it felt surreal for a long time. It still feels like that at times and it has been 6 months. My Mum had successful hip surgery and on the day of discharge, I got the call that I did not want to receive. Mum had a cardiac arrest. She had chest pains a few days ago which went away, so they didn’t investigate. It is the successful recovery and the suddenness that is so awful. The call was unexpected. I was always with Mum, but wasn’t this time as I was getting the home ready for her and was going there later that morning to bring her home. I used to wake and think that it Mum was here and then I would get a gawp in my chest as I realised. I do not have the close family like you have. Try to focus on yourself and them, pour the love you have for your Mum to them. Workwise - I took 6 weeks off. Try to speak with your GP if you can for some advice if you are not ready. Better to take the time that you need if you can. Be kind to yourself and try not to put yourself under any pressure. Sending you love and prayers.
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Thank you. What a beautiful reply, I’m glad you got those special moments with your mum 
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Hi there I feel your pain .I lost mum 7 weeks ago saw her on the Monday and she was in good spirits and Tuesday morning she had a massive bleed in her brain which led to a stroke and 4 days unconsious watching her pass slowly .My mum was 89 im the youngest of 4 and spent a lot of time with her.im utterly bereft .My father is 92 and has cancer so i havent spent much time grieving myself as im busy looking after him .I have 3 grown up kids one of whom is struggling with life right now so im torn between looking after others.
I work in a school and went back after 2 weeks thinking i was ok however i lasted a further 2 weeks before being signed off for another 4 weeks takibg me to whit and i still dont think thats enough as the environment i work in is very stressful .
Everybody says look after you so this is how I am .
I would ask in your HR department and speak with your GP to sign you off .You need to grieve properly and everyone around you needs to take care with you .
Talk as much as you can ive found it helps me even if they dont want to hear it .
I hope you can find a solution that suits you after all we are replaced in a heartbeat .
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I worked in a school, I was told after 2 weeks off I could have a gradual return, never happened, no discussion, hence I used to have breakdowns at work. Grief is a funny thing (funny strange word to use I know) but you can be ticking along just fine and then one day it hits you like a brick! Literally!!!
Grief affects people in so many ways, unless you experience the loss and heartbreak yourself you’ll never understand. That’s why I love this place to talk.
It really does help to have people understand rather than the bog standard people, who I’m sure mean well, with their best wishes, but just don’t get that the pain and heartbreak never ends because they never felt the love you did. Until you lose the love of a parent, partner, auntie, uncle, sibling, child, cousin etc… you’ll never understand the mental loss and heartbreak
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