Sudden loss of my brother

Losing a sibling
#1

The sudden loss of my brother has left us all very devastated. Its been 7 weeks but still feels surreal. I have not been able to grieve freely as I have to stay strong for dad who was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago. There are days when i think I can’t cope with the responsibilities I have. I hope that by sharing and listening to others in similar situations will help.

#2

Hello @Soyel ,

I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your brother that brings you here. It must be so difficult for you right now, supporting your dad and his diagnosis while grieving for your brother.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

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#3

Hi. Im so sorry for your loss.

My sister died suddenly 6 months ago age 48 and its the worst thing ive ever been through.

I dont have much to offer apart from to say i think the feeling of it being unreal lasts, i think its kind of a protective thing because its hard to handle the complete truth all at once. I certainly still have times it doesnt seem real.

One thing that has been helpful for me is signing up for the sue ryder grief coach text messages. I signed up on the day of my sisters funeral, 2 weeks after her death. They invaluable and i sometimes feel like theyre mind readers! If nothing else its a reassurance the things that are happening and ways that you feel are normal. Well, as normal as something like this could ever be.

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#4

Hi vivmt,

Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I believe you’re right in saying that not believing is a form of protection. I also remind myself that our loved ones who pass on are in a better place it is us who are saddened because we won’t be able to see them. I’m still new to this community but I’m sure i will gain comfort from the communications

#5

Hello, i recently lost my brother 8 weeks ago now , and it was also sudden. I cant imagine the added pressure of your dads recent diagnosis. Is there any help you could get from a gp? They can also help to refer you to counselling if that is something you think you could benifit from. Or maybe some medication would help easy your anxiety . Unfortunately grief is a very long road and can be so lonely, but just remember that you arent alone . I am happy to keep i contact just for someone to talk to and help you through , as we have similar situations. I have delt with grief alot and it does feel so sufforcating but slowly you can regain a bit more control. There is alot of help out there , even if you could get a cancer counseller to help with your dad , to talk too ect it might help a bit too. Im so sorry for your loss but maybe your dad would want you to grieve with him . Maybe dont assume ( if you have) that you have to be strong and you have no one to lean on. He is still your dad and im sure he loves alot , and still would like to be there for you like you are for him.

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#6

Hello, thank you for your kind message. I am so so sorry for the sudden loss of your brother too. It would have been around the same time. Do you find that there are periods of the day when you are fine and able to cope and other times you find yourself overwhelmed with emotions and the feeling of not being able to cope. I do need to make an appointment to see my GP but at the moment I’m trying to juggle alot. My 18 year old who will be starting uni next week made the decision that he would move in to live with his grandad. I had to leave my job to be able to take care of dad during the day. My mum who had a major stroke is being cared for in a nursing home. I agree with you, sometimes it does feel sufforcating but I guess it will be more managable as time goes by. Dad is in denial and doesn’t want us to mention my brothers name and has removed all photos and anything which reminds him of him. Reading your message has somewhat reassured me that I’m not alone. I feel for you so much, because I really do know what you are going through. I find that my faith keeps my head above water. They are in a better place, filled with love and peace xxx

#7

You really do have alot of your plate , and we all grieve differently so i understand how your finding it so difficult with all the other things going on around you. Im terrible at night , there the worst and i always dread them , but it can just hit me like a wave at any time.

#8

Are you not able to ask your gp for medication? Maybe something temporary just for night times. I’m taking antidepressants and diazepam when needed. Talking helps, but only when the listening person feels what you’re feeling because they have had a similar loss. Not being able to sleep at night is dreadful because it affects everything you try and do the next day. Do you find the minute you wake up the first thing that comes to mind is your loss?

#9

I have been on many different medications for over a decade now. And my docotors are at a loss with me as there isn’t anything i haven’t tried. So im seeking counselling ( have been fpr 3 yrs now) , but waiting lists are so long. I’ve never been a good sleeper and get panic attacks almost nightly about going to sleep, not much works for me at the moment . I definitely struggle with waking up too though, because as soon as i wake up it hits me full force again. Waking up everyday feels like losing them again because you wake up and you realise that they’re gone and you feel all the emotion again .

#10

I suffered with panic attacks quite badly. CBT helped me take control of my life. Like you I hated the night. Have you tried CBT? Since the passing of my brother I have started watching NDE on youtube which I find reassuring. Panic away by barry mcdonugh is also a helpful site.

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