My dad died very unexpectedly in March and I am still finding it very hard to come to terms with. It’s the 1st thing and last thing I think about each day. My mum called me to go round as my dad was unwell and when I got there I could hear the emergency services working on him and then stopping, I go over and over the call I had to make to my sister to tell her, I worry that I should have noticed signs he wasn’t well and should have made him go the Dr. I worry about my mum being on her own in their house and I’m so sad my children won’t remember how much he loved them. I miss him so much.
It is still only a short time since your dad passed away, and it must have been very distressing for you to be present when the emergency services were trying to save his life. I understand your feelings of guiltm and the accompanying worries and anxiety, but all these feelings are quite normal. Of course you will miss him, but the pain will lessen with time. I lost my dad in August 2017, and didn’t grieve for him properly as at that time my husband was terminally ill with cancer, and in fact passed away in February of this year. Working through the pain and grief and pain of bereavement is very hard - I looked after my husband at home until he had to go into a hospice just a week before he died - and I have felt guilty about doing this, among many other things. But life has a way of looking after us, and now after eight months, I can look back more objectively and accept that I did the very best for him that I could. You will never forget your dad, and he will always be with you, and you will remember him with good memories rather than bad. All of us on this forum have experienced devasting loss, and the way through it is a very personal and individual one. But we are all here for you, so post whenever you feel you need to. Sending a big hug, Jayne x