Sudden loss of my husband

I lost my husband, tragically, suddenly, horrifically, one month ago. We were married 24 years with 3 children. Every minute of every day is so painful I cannot breathe. I am scared and lonely and cannot fathom growing old without him.

Dear Morr, my husband died recently in a diving incident abroad in Greece. A sudden and Unexpected death on the 29th sept at which my life stopped. He was my soulmate, husband, best friend and diving buddy and I loved him with every fibre of my being. I feel just like you, unable to breath, terrified of my future without him and so empty it hurts. The one thing that has allowed me to get this far is intervention from my friends, especially our mutual friends. I hope you have friends you can lean on. Don’t be afraid to ask them for help and support. I don’t know how to do this…I’ve already had to deal with repatriation, coroners, Greek officialdom, so much paperwork when my brain feels like it’s being starved of oxygen. But I’ve done it, I’ve coped. Every day I’ve done at least one thing. Things I should never have had to do. Take it a day at a time, ten minutes at a time, and please reach out for your friends.

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Diverliz, Thank you so much. I read your post and tears streamed down my face. You get it. Only those who live the pain can truly understand. My husband and I do have common friends who try to reach out to me from time to time. So far I have been fairly unreachable. It is so painful to be around people who still have complete families I shield myself. I know that it doesn’t help my grief to remain by myself but I can’t seem to let people in right now.

You must let people in sometimes, try not to withdraw from them. I Schedule ‘company’ appointments to help me get through the long days. I also allow myself some time to be alone and cry… but contact with people is a human necessity and I want you to reach out and invite one friend round today. You’ll be glad you did…and talk about how you feel…people don’t know what to say to me at first…everybody asks me how I am, I reply honestly…I’m really shit. Totally bloody crap. This breaks the ice, we hug a lot and then talk…talking about my husband Tim, and how I am feeling is important. It’s important to know you are not alone. So please reach out to somebody today, invite them round…tell them how lonely you are feeling and thank them for being there . Let me know how it goes xxxxx

Hi Morr, I too tragically lost my husband while we were on holiday in Turkey in July our wedding anniversary was two days later. It has been a challenge getting him home to Australia but as DiverLiz mentions take one minute, or one hour or one day at a time - every day is different - different emotions that you’ve never experienced before will get thrown at you. I know that my husband would want me to be strong and I keep thinking that when I’m having a bad day. The support I have received has been amazing. My good friend who came over to help me in Turkey brought me a beautiful leather journal. Every night before I go to sleep I write to my husband about my day - sometimes it makes me smile, sometimes it makes me cry, or makes me angry but its so therapeutic and I share everything with him. Give it a try - happy to chat anytime - be strong we will get through this - I think that’s what your husband would want too - he’ll be watching over you - have a positive day xx

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Our anniversary was 6 days after my husband was killed. I know how you feel.

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Hi Morr
My wonderful husband died in 22nd September, suddenly. Like you I have felt scared and just can’t really believe that this has happened. It wasn’t in our plans, we had a future to look forward to, he hadn’t even retired. Friends have been amazing and our daughter has also been very supportive. I have gone back to work this week, it’s a blessing and difficult as I work by myself but I do get to talk to my clients on my visits. Be very kind to yourself, look after you just as you would if it had happened to a friend. Try to eat, even if it’s just something small. Talk to your husband it does help. I am starting each day with one thought, I look for something to be grateful for, Be that the love of my husband or just the fact that I have a bed to sleep in. Bless you. x

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Hi my wife died suddenly at home. The pain is unberable but she has taught me a lot.Im not to go off the rails but care for my children and grandchildren. I am 58 and just want to scream with grief. I can’t ,life goes on and I know when I fall down she picks me up. Truly way we have love only other can imagine.

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How are you feeling today Morr? Have you contacted any friends yet? It was my husband’s funeral yesterday…so many people came. The love and support in that room was very uplifting. I hope you are feeling a little less alone knowing we are all here x

I’m so sorry for your loss as well. I haven’t really reached out to friends lately. I have 3 very shattered children and I cannot give too much energy outside of them. My husband’s birthday is tomorrow. I’m in agony this is where we find ourselves.

Oh love, I know tomorrow is going to be desperately hard. How old are your children? I know nothing I can say is going to make things any easier, but know that I’m willing you through the day x I wish we had the power to fix things. Are you going to try to mark the day? Sending a hug x

My kids are 22,19 and 11. Only the 11 year old will be with me tomorrow. I don’t know how to approach the day tomorrow. I don’t want to be in my house. It’s so sad here but it’s sad everywhere. I am in just a terribly low place right now. Unsure how to find a foothold anywhere.

My kids are 22,19 and 11. Only the 11 year old will be with me tomorrow. I don’t know how to approach the day tomorrow. I don’t want to be in my house. It’s so sad here but it’s sad everywhere. I am in just a terribly low place right now. Unsure how to find a foothold anywhere.

If the weather clears up I recommend a walk…pack a flask and set off up a hill or through a wood, walk and talk and breath some fresh air into your lungs. When you finish your walk have a comfort food dinner together…you and your youngest. Be kind to yourself and look after yourself in this traumatic time . I know you feel lost and alone and probably very vulnerable but You will find a foothold, hang on xxxx

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I truly do appreciate what you have said to me. I will try.

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