Sudden loss of my mum

My mum died very suddenly last night. She was my best friend and I spoke to her every day. I can see grief coming towards me like a tsunami in the distance and I don’t know how I will withstand it. Right now I feel numb and sick to my stomach. I’ve got to support my dad through this and stay functional for my child. I don’t see how.


Hello @Auser, I am so sorry for the loss of your mum - it sounds like it has been such a shock for you. Thank you for bravely reaching out. I hope you find the community to be a support to you.

Your loss is so recent and you will experience a lot of different emotions. However you are feeling right now is completely normal. You might find our support page which talks you through what kind of feelings to expect helpful.

Here are some other Sue Ryder resources that can help you cope with your grief.

Hopefully someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to share these links with you.

Take good care - you are not alone.


Hi Auser, I am so sorry to hear about the devastating news of your Mum passing. I lost my Mum a month ago tomorrow. My Mum was and always will be my best friend too. She passed suddenly in hospital, we weren’t expecting it.

It’s an awful feeling, for a few days I didn’t feel like my limbs were mine, everything was odd and alien. The best advice I can give you is to ride the tidal wave when it comes. Cry, shout, scream, whatever you need to do feel it, acknowledge the emotion or emotions and know they shift. They will swing wildly as you move out of shock but try not suppress them. I bought a bottle of calms and take them before bed. Placebo or not, for me it feels like something that’s not an unhealthy coping mechanism.

Reach out to friends, family, charities if talking helps you. Repeat yourself as much as you need to. It helps you to begin to understand what’s happened, and you might find strength in the memories when you remember times your Mum showed resilience or strength. You can be like her then.

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@Universal thank you so much for your reply. It’s so hard to navigate this already. One minute we were laughing about dad eating all the Pringles on the phone and then a couple hours later I’m holding her hand as they turn off life support. She was so strong so I will try to be like her as much as I can. X

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That’s really difficult for you. You’ll be in total shock for the next few days, nothing makes sense but on a logical level you know what’s happened but your emotions haven’t caught up. I ugly cried a lot in the first 2 weeks coz there was a window where my emotions had caught up with logic.

Something I’ve learned about grief is our brains try to protect us by opening the floodgates for a short while. That’s why I let myself break at that time, feel it and let it pass. I’m always sad and the deeper feeling come as waves.

Strong people, to me, are those who can cry and show emotion. You have the community here to lean on too x

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