sudden loss of partner 4 weeks ago

Hi my partner died suddenly 4 weeks ago. She was diagnosed 7 weeks ago with stage 3 (then changed to stage 4) ovarian cancer, she was due to start her first chemo on 21st September but died suddenly of a pulmonary embolism on 18th September. I can’t get my head around it. It’s like she’s been snatched away from me. She was in the house having breakfast then I called ambulance as she wasn’t able to get a deep breath. And she was dead by mid day! It’s just so surreal. We were together 13 years, she was my world. I’m feeling like I’m going mad without her. It’s really a set feeling being so alone. It’s so quiet in the house.im seeing a lot of friends and family but really not coping well at all. Got another 2 weeks off work but can’t face going back.

Hi im very sorry for your loss ,your nightmare is very new .The feelings you are having are because your whole world has been blown apart .Take it day by day ,and by going back to work might give a distraction,or then again it might not .Maybe a visit to your doctor (im on medication)or also maybe phone the Samaritians (i do this too).Them like this site dont judge,and they let you cry and offload .Keep coming back here its a wonderful site Colin(im 59 my darling Denise passed 04032016 on her 41 st birthday )

Sorry for your loss I lost my partner suddenly in May to a heart attack he was only 48 the first few weeks I was in shock it so was surreal I did counselling over the phone which helped a bit but speaking to everyone on this site is helping me I’m on medication too everyone deals with grief differently it’s only been 4 weeks for yourself get as much support as you can and do what’s right for you.
Take care
Christine x

Hi Sarakate, you’re still in the first stages of shock, don’t try to fathom everything out just yet. I lost my wife of 45 years just over a year ago. She was 16 when we first met, 17 when we started dating, we grew up together.
She wanted a mole removed but was told it was nothing. A couple of years later when it was finally removed, it was found to be a malignant melanoma. I lost her after 5 short weeks. I still feel resentful.
Don’t feel you have to go back to work in 2 weeks. You can be signed off sick, your GP will be quite used to this. I had telephone interviews with works occupational health and they signed me off so I was on full pay.
Although it won’t feel like it, the utter devastation gradually subsides (although I’m still sad). I still weep for her and I miss her every day.
People will tell you ‘it will get better’. Well it won’t, you just get better at coping.
Take care, look after yourself and don’t hit the bottle too hard.
Haitch.

Hi sarakate I lost my partner 4 weeks ago.2/10/18 I’m absolutely destroyed. We were together 4 wonderful years then cancer took her. She was just diagnosed and dies 4 weeks later. I really feel your pain. I have no words yet. I’m just so sorry for your loss xx

I’m so sorry for your loss … I lost my husband in July he was only 36… and we have two young children …I try and convince my self that I’m coping … but my body says different and have now got terrible physical anxiety symptoms…I must sound like a broken record but this site is a life line to me … The support is overwhelming…everybody cares so much and if course understand more than anyone … Thinking of you all
Love Michelle

Hi
You must be feeling just the same as me with the quickness of it all, just so hard to process isn’t it. Your poor partner was like mine and had no time at all to even process it themselves. I’m so sorry for your loss too, it’s just so hard, some days are better than others, I’ve been spending g time with our close friends who keep me going and we talk about my partner all the time which helps. Please message me any time you want to talk. X

Thank you! We had so many plans too many things left to do! I just feel totally robbed. She told me to live my life and be happy. I’m gonna do that for her but for now I’m standing still. I’m scared to make any rash decisions so I’m just taking each day as it comes. The evenings are the hardest. I’m sure your life is totally upside down too. It’s just so unfair. Lee was the kindest most gentlest person you could ever meet a beautiful human being. We have to remember that they are now our guardian angels and looking out for us.
Take care j xx

Hi sarakate
How’s it going for you. I was just having a reflective time today and thought of you. You and I are probably at the same stage of loss. My weekend was very hard as it was my birthday and we had planned to go away for it. Last year’s memories came up on Facebook and I cried most of yesterday. I’m sure it is still like this for you. Anyway just thought I would check in on you. J xx

Hi
I have been trying my best to stay strong after a hard few days, I can almost hear my partners voice keeping g me going and telling me she is still with me.
I keep having mini panics when I think k too far I to the future as we had so many plans too and it freaks me out the thought of being on my own, and not having her beside me to do all the things we had planned.
That is so kind of you to this of me, sounds like we are in exactly the same boat, I’m just bumbling through each day somehow and feeling like every day is the same. I often wonder what she would think is she could see me, she’s probably laugh at me and tell me that I am doing well and not to mope about, but it’s hard. I feel empty and totally lost. I hope you are ok. I’m here any time. Xx

Thank you. It’s really hard. We didn’t have many friends and it’s now I feel so alone. We have a dog and I swear she knows when I’m about to have a melt down she comes and snuggles with me. I too find it hard to think ahead and I tell myself to do nothing. I’ve put everything on hold until spring time. That I think will give me a focus and something to aim for. And your right you do hear your partner cos I hear Lee telling me to wise up and live. It’s very hard to do when all you can do is weep and feel sorry for yourself. I call them my Bridget Jones moments. I’ve lost count of how many tissues I have went through. People tell me to think of the good times and I do then I breakdown. I just find it so hard to believe at times. We will get through this I know it. Every day is a bonus. You keep strong and I will too. J xxx

Yeah it’s like a double edged sword, you want to have a good day and not cry all day but then I feel guilty for it at the end of the day but I know is it’s what my partner would want. We have a wee dog too and I’m so happy I’ve got him, he’s been such a good comfort.
To be honest it’s still not sinking in for me, that’s been 7 weeks tomorrow now and still feels like yesterday, we didn’t go a single day without talking to each other so 7 weeks is a whole new world of silence, I find my life is so quiet without her, it’s horrible not to be able to talk at nights.
We have no choice other than to be ok, we will have good days and bad days. We have to keep thinking of our partners keeping us on track and watching over us, they are not far away, we can’t see them but I’m sure they are with us every day. I talk to Kate every day. It helps. X

Yes keep talking it’s good. We would have been married 6 weeks today and she died 5 weeks tomorrow! It was her wish for us to get married and the hospice organised it all. It was such a happy day! No one expected that a week later she be gone. I still feel like I’m spinning about and yes I feel I have no one to do nothing with. A whole new normal which will take me quite some time to adjust to. I have our wedding photo in one corner and her ashes in the other that in itself is so bewildering for me. I am here whenever you need to off load and I know you are there too. J xxx

I lost my husband unexpectedly a month ago (he died in his sleep) and I am also struggling as everyone else is. It’s the thought that the future we planned together has not gone - we had planned what to do in retirement which would have been in a few years, but now I cant imagine what I will do on my own.
My younger daughter is still at home but due to go to university next year - I don’t want to live on my own but it looks like I have no choice.
I have single friends who don’t understand why I find it so difficult but we were together for 35 years.
I feel a strong need to do what he would have wanted going forwards but I don’t know what that would have been.
My husband got a dog 18 months ago and he has proved to be a great comfort - you always meet people to talk to on dog walks
Take care everyone and let’s hope we all feel better able to cope going forwards

Hi Diane.
So sorry for your loss. It’s been nearly 7 weeks for me and I still can’t make any decisions. I try not too. Grief can make you do all sorts of things so I find it’s better to do nothing in the mean time. The peices wall fall in to place eventually I am sure!. Yes I have a dog too and I am so glad. She gets me out of the house and in to the fresh air and it works wonders. Take care and my thoughts are with you xx

Jeanette
Thanks for your reply and kind words - it’s comforting in some ways to know there are other people in a similar position to me who are having the same difficulties (although I wouldn’t wish this on anyone).
Have you sort out any sort of counselling? I saw a counsellor last week which helped a bit although Boone can change what is now the awful reality of the situation
Diane

Hi Diane
No. I think for now I just have to greive and let the years come when they do. My doctor has offered to give me Meds but that’s a route I don’t want to go down. I have a good family and know they are there. I’m trying to become a bit more social and get out more. The very thought of Christmas actually makes me feel sick. It will come and it will go like it does every year. I have plans for springtime and that is my focus. Maybe in time I will seek counseling. This page is good with people going through exactly the same. I still haven’t thought about work I just can’t.
Regards J xx

Jeanette
I am also trying to avoid medication although I did taking sleeping pills in the first few weeks. My counsellors advice was not to start on any meds or alcohol etc that you will then regret later on.
I know what you mean about Xmas - went shopping for food earlier this week and can’t stand all the Xmas promotions and the thought that we are all supposed to be happy at Xmas. We had booked a week away in Anglesey for Xmas week and my daughter and I are still planning to go I think - it may help being out of the house for a while.
Take care, diane

Yes you will enjoy the break! We both shall find a new kind of normal.
J xx

Hi
I’m very sorry for your loss
My wife died on 2nd July with cancer only 3 weeks after diagnosis she was 51. I am also struggling to cope we were together 30 years and have 3 adult children and a little granddaughter born 5 weeks after she died that she never got to meet. I am seeing a councillor through hospice and it does help. Like you my daughter is still with me but is due to move into her own house in the new year so I’ll be alone for the first time in 52 years. I also have a little dog who Margaret got 6 years ago and I must admit against my wishes but thank god she did as he is my life saviour
He gets me up in the morning and gets me out for walks and he can sense the meltdowns coming and crawls in beside me and will not leave. He also helps with the loneliness and is always there for me when I come home to an empty house which is the hardest thing to do. I’m sorry for being so down but it’s been a hard couple of weeks. Please take care and get as much help as you need.
William

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