Sudden Loss Of Partner

Lost my soul mate six weeks ago aged 45 , can not function lost without him can not accept he is gone., only the tablets keeping me going . its so unfair.

hi im very sorry for your loss im 57 wife was 41 she died in march on her birthday .Take little baby steps take it day by day if you have family lean on them or the samaritians i find they help me just a bit of advice and a massive friendly hug to you

Hello Kelly-peace and welcome to our Online Community at this traumatic time in your life.
I expect you are going through so many emotions since your soul mate died - and it all probably feels very unreal to you. Don’t feel bad about taking tablets - at this point in your bereavement you need all the support you can get. Do you have any family members or close friends who you can talk to?
As you say, it’s so unfair that your partner died at such a young age. Please try not to think too far ahead - it’s important that you look after yourself, as I’m sure others on this site will tell you.
I am thinking of you, and hope you find the strength to get through each day. With kind regards, Jackie

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Kelly Peace

I’m so sorry for your loss just 6 weeks ago, I too am in early stages as my wife passed away 8 weeks ago only aged 52.
This site has given me comfort from all the lovely people on it who know exactly what we are going through.
Yes you will feel it is unfair and why me/us.
The pain is very hard to deal, I’m being told by counselling and people on this site who are further into grief than we are that we will learn to live without our loved ones but the pain won’t go away.
I can only say that letting out your grief by getting emotional does help, I talk to my wife everyday as though she is still with me. I do have two very supportive daughters and son in laws and some very special friends of June and myself. Have you family and friends support.
Have you considered counselling.
I know exactly what you mean about functioning, I feel I have no purpose for life and just plod through each day and exist, but we are strong and we will get through it at some point, others have so why not us.
I’m always here for a chat if you wish
Dave

Thank you for your kind words, yes I have support from family and friends , I am just lost without him ,dreading Christmas , New year and his Birthday .

Thank you, you understand completely what I am going through ,friends and family have been brilliant . I talk to my darling man everyday also . tried to get Counselling but the waiting lists are very long .

Thank you ,sorry for your loss 41 is no age so unfair.

Kelly Peace

It is so good you have good family and friends, I too do have which is a help.
I talk to June everyday and every evening, yes it gets a little upsetting but somehow does give me a sense of comfort that she is still with me, don’t know how it makes you feel talking to your man.
That’s a shame counselling is a long list for you, luckily I got some on my company healthcare insurance and Cruse called me after only 6 weeks. They don’t tell you how and even when things will get better but it does help to offload to them I find.
Keep strong Kelly Peace always here for a chat if you wish
Dave

Hi Kelly-peace, I lost my husband in May and I wish I could say it gets better but you do cope easier. I’m still brittle, I feel that I could shatter as easily as glass and I am still waiting. Don’t ask me what for but I am. On the positive side , I don’t cry as much these days and I am learning new skills, like how to use a drill and slowly how to be just me. Just this week , I have started to eat the food I cook instead of giving it to the dog; she is getting too fat. It will come, believe me , it will. We are all here sending good thoughts, we all know your desperation & we are with you, please hold on.

Fleurandme

I do hope you are correct, although I seem to be crying more in the house at night on my own I’m finding the mornings for me a little more easier now as just over 9 weeks since I lost June, hope this may help a little Kelly-Peace for you.
My counsellor also says she is noticing signs of improvement, it certainly doesn’t feel like it at times. I’m finding I can control my emotions better when talking to counsellor, family and friends but I do let myself go when home on my own as I’m told not to bottle my grief up just let it go as it’s the only way grieve.
Fleurandme glad you are learning new skills being a handy women, I too have learnt to turn the washing machine on and who knows soon I’ll be able to learn to iron !!
I’m scared of the next couple of months being he timid year and we’ll all struggle on that front but we will get through it I know we will.
I’m scared of the future now that I won’t have with June and fulfill all the things we had together. But my counsellor and family and friends have said I will move on as June would have wanted me too and I go out meet new people and travel to all the places me and June wanted to go and places to visit. I will never forget her as you won’t you loved ones but we will learn to live our new lives somehow and we will have our happy memories.
Keep strong and I’m always here for a chat.
Dave

kelly i phone the samaritans a lot (im not sucidal ) i asked them this there not just there for suicidal people there 24 7 i phone to offload as i live on my own .the phrase how short is a piece of string definitely applies to death of a loved 1.yes im dreading christmas too youll have good days bad days lean on people who want to help you .Massive friendship hug .Colin

Hi Dave, I too keep going out and people are very supportive but the thing I find difficult to explain is that I am not so much lonely as alone and no matter how many people I see , I still feel as if I am not a full person. I look for Paul to share the moment. But I know I am getting better at this single thing which I never thought I would , so there is light at the end of the tunnel. I hate the dark nights , I shut up the house as soon as I can and cocoon myself . As I said before the dog has put on weight & I couldn’t understand why until I realised I was doing the cooking and she was doing the eating. I actually didn’t realise I wasn’t eating and so this week we are in a new routine re food and it is hard. But I want everyone to know I do cope better now after 4 months which I wouldn’t have believed possible so my advice is to go with the flow, hang on in, it’s getting better for me , so it must do the same for everyone else even with the pain. The best way I can put it is I felt like I was in a sack of hurt but now I am carrying the sack instead of being in it. My thoughts are with you all, thanks for the chat. Su and Fleur

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Fleur

Oh what a super analogy “not so much lonely as alone” you got it spot on there. And have to agree I’m not a full person I just plod through each and exist but have no purpose in life or for the future. I don’t like the person I am, when June was alive I always made people smile and was happy in life myself with June, but not now I’m a long way from that person I liked.
Oh Su will be so upset she is being put on a diet, but it’s important to look after yourself.
It was nice to hear and gives me a little hope and comfort that you are feeling better to cope after 4 months, I hope I’m at that situation then as its only 9 weeks for me and the pain is terrible and has been for the last few weeks.
Dave

Hi, yes I have been told we just have to try to learn to cope, just taking baby steps at the moment friends ,family and the tablets all helping x

Thanks Colin, Just have to take it one day at a time ,may try the Samaritans if i am having a bad day .

Hi Dave, sounds strange I know but I tell my fella everything that is going on with family and friends even what is happening in his favourite programmes,makes me feel close to him. Having mainly bad days at the moment,still can not accept it ,people say think about the good times but I am so angry about the good times we should have had ahead of us .I am trying to be strong and friends and family are still really supportive .Hope as time goes on I will feel less like a zombie and get a bit of me back.

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Hi Fleur

Yes you have hit it on the head, not so much lonely as alone. Me completely, hate crowds as feel completely alone in the midst of them and cannot cope. My loss is my mother and not a partner but feels so similar as lived with her and shared our lives and hopes for the future. We were planning a holiday to somewhere we both loved before she became ill. People have said I should have gone ahead with it but no way without her. The memories of previous times there would be too much at the moment and yes the anger at what we are missing out on.

Mel

Hi Mel,you did right not going on holiday. We had one planned with my son & family and so I still went, per advice, but it was a huge mistake. I felt more alone than ever, just kept thinking of what Paul had planned& the family treated me like glass.You have to do things in your own time and it is difficult to make decisions I find. As for anger , I met someone who had survived an heart attack in the same hospital just before my husband, she was very sympathetic but whilst she was telling me I could have ''punched her lights out ‘’ I just wanted to say why you and not Paul instead of I’m glad you are ok. It is so difficult to be what I would term half a person when forever you have been one of a pair. Sometimes it feels like there is a big arrow over my head pointing to the bereaved person & most people think that after the funeral things go back to normal. Well it does for them but it will never be normal for us again.
My sister in law actually said that I would be ok because I had the dog ! So keep on going love, your Mum is proud of you and don’t forget there are lots of us alone people out there, all trying to cope.

Hi Fleur

Yes i would have been up for punching lights out too after a comment like that.

Having a rotten couple of days at the moment. Mum’s birthday is coming up which am dreading so much. Supposed to be going for lunch at one of her favourite restaurants to remember her - why do some people think eating out is the answer to everything? Your dog might agree though!

Met someone yesterday who I haven’t seen since and was asked how I was. Told them about Mum and started crying - not best in a business environment though have to say am losing all shame and now cry whenever and wherever I want to.

This forum does help though does make me sad reading other people’s experiences. Know i am in for the long haul on this one.

Mel

Hi Kelly, my names Sam (male) so sorry to hear about your loss, I truly feel what you feel, as I too lost my soul mate around a month ago, my partner sarah was only 45 too, I too feel disfunctional, lost, I’m still in denial, we made so many plans, to get get married, buy a house, live the dream, so cruel, she was my world, your not alone Kelly, I’m told it gets easier with time, at the moment that’s just words, I’m sure you too feel nothing helps… please feel free to email me if your up to it xx