Hi Sam, I know how you feel we were buying a new car and booking a holiday for October.Just no one to share things with now . Try and stay strong and rely on family and friends for support. I don’t know if it ever gets better just have to try and learn to cope I guess .Take care.
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Hello. I was just reading your post and noted your comment about the lady surviving a heart attack. My Husband died from a Heart incident and the other 5 men that are neighbours are still enjoying life after surviving their heart attacks whilst smoking, drinking etc. My Husband did neither of those and yes I have to say my reaction is exactly the same as yours. I am angry too. Hope you are finding peace. I’m just getting more traumatized unfortunately.
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Hi Kelly thankyou for your post, I am trying to lean on family friends etc, I do find that it doesn’t really help, the sense of loss is so overwhelming sometimes I just want to hibernate, a sea of emotions I feel day in day out,I suppose it has been a particular bad day, I still don’t understand what triggers it off! I’m just trying to live day by day, thankyou for your sentiments, it makes this a little easier to try and understand and live with x sam
Hi there. I’m truly sorry for your your loss and completely relate to everything you say. I lost my husband, my best friend and my soul mate in April this year to cancer and I’m not coping at all. He was 54. I’m totally lost and cry everyday 8 months on. I hate this new life that has been forced on me. All our plans snatched away. How does anyone get over losing the love of their life? I’m fed up with people saying time will heal. I just want my old life back with my husband. I’m haunted my his final days still and feel like I will never learn to deal with this. So I know that’s how you must be feeling. If you need to talk I’m here for you. Sending love. Debbie x
Hi, Tina , at least it’s not just me that wants to scream at people. I thought I was coping quite well but these last weeks have been as bad as when Paul first died. I feel that I am living in the foam on top of a cup of coffee, which is OK but I know if I stop to think for just a moment all the black stuff is just waiting to suck me under and I’m so very frightened without him. I do now that we are all going through this horrible mess, and I do hope that you feel some quiet for want of a better word. This time of year doesn’t help; people say they understand that Christmas must be hard but that the new year will be better. What do they know !!! Stupid , it just goes endlessly on. Itry to remember that they mean well, truly. Thanks for listening-hope sincerely that you can find a way forward
Hi- I joined a while ago now, but I have drawn some comfort from knowing that people are suffering the same as me. My husband, aged 50 on 15th October- died of a heart attack suddenly, whilst we were out on a bike ride together. He complained of indigestion that morning, but because to him it was “the norm” he ignored the warning before it was too late. I have a good support system with family and friends, but I am really rubbish when on my own, just crying and so sad and lonely and miss him so much. We had so many plans and for me, my life is over and don’t want this life I have been given now. Hate coming to bed at night and sometimes pray I won’t wake up in the morning - just to face another day alone. Folk say, it’s baby steps, it will never leave you, but will get better, but I think “how?” It would be made better if he was still here with me? Tonight, we would of got excited about it being Friday and the weekend to look forward to, but it’s now just another day, just one miserable day going into another! Some people start with “I can’t imagine what you are going through?” and I think why would they - it’s the worst pain ever, one that doesn’t go away and never will.
Hi Lexi22
Reading your post about losing your husband so young and how you are feeling was like listening to myself talking. No one at all understands the raw harsh pain we are trying to deal with. Only when you’ve lost your loved one is when you really understand. I too go to bed at night and wish not to wake up. Even with two lovely daughters and wonderful friends I’m still totally lost and heartbroken and have never felt more alone. When you lose your husband you’ve lost your soul mate, best friend and your future. We shouldn’t have to be taking baby steps. Life is very cruel and I am thinking of you. Debbie x
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hi,Lexi &Debbie, just read your posts and know just what you mean. Although I have a wonderful son and daughter in law , I too am totally lost on my own. Making decisions, any sort, I flounder. I can’t think straight and end up crying.I was never a teary personbut I cry at anything these days; didn’t know I had so many tears in me
. I hate going upstairs because the house is so empty, like my life. People say I have the grandchildren to live for but I can’t explain that as much as I love them, I just want Paul. Silly , but I feel as if I am waiting for him so if you see him please send him home.
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HI Fleurandme,lexi and Debbie,I lost my husband in October he was 51 it was such a shock as very sudden I can relate to all that you are feeling it’s a dreadful time that we are all going through never thought in a million years that I would loose my husband so young and so soon.I wish we could all have a group hug,but send you all one instead.I too wish I could bring him home
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It’s all so hard to process what has happened to us. I get what you mean. I would love to be able to meet and hug people dealing with our grief because somehow it does help. We are all united in this horrendous grief and weirdly it’s comforting to know it’s not just me (I hope that doesn’t sound horrible) as I would never wish this pain on anyone! We’ve all lost our husbands far too young and you wonder where to go from here sadly. Sending a hug back xx
Lexi22, sorry for your loss, I joined this site back end of August 2016 when my wife June passed away after an 11 month battle against cancer. I haven’t been on this site much of late as the last 5 weeks for me have been even worse than the first 8 weeks of June’s passing. I could literally copy and paste your message, especially as June was only 52 and we like you had so many plans for the future, I too never in a million years thought at the age of 55 this would be my life now, but again as you say it isn’t a life anymore and I too am not worried about leaving this earth anymore as I nothing and no purpose for the future. Yes small steps and time is a healer, I swear I’ll smack the next person that says that to me.
I used to have a beautiful life all planned and what we would do but now I just go to work come home to a lonely house go to bed sometimes and wake up and think oh no here we go again another day just like you.
I too just want this pain to go away somehow.
We all need to try and keep strong and manage so I’m told but if only my friends I had a magic wand for us all.
Dave
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I wish we could all meet up and share our grief. You can have amazing family and friends but still feel more alone than ever losing your soul mate and partner. People really don’t understand. Hopefully we can help each other through this grief by keep sharing our feelings xxx
His davecat87
I’m newish to this site and talking to a few people. I’ve read your sad story and sadly my husband died April last year, just 54 years of age, from the same cancer as your wife. Cruel wicked and heartbreaking and I don’t think I will ever get over it. I never dreamt I would be a widow at 50. Angry bitter and lost doesn’t even come close. I hate the world at the moment and dont even know how to start 2017 without my Andy. Worst Xmas and new year ever . Even with my amazing daughters and family and friends I’ve never felt so lost and alone. So I understand how you feel. Debbie
I wish we could all meet up and share our grief. You can have amazing family and friends but still feel more alone than ever losing your soul mate and partner. People really don’t understand. Hopefully we can help each other through this grief by keep sharing our feelings xxx
Debbie66, it would be nice if we could all share our thoughts and memories of our loved ones with each other but guess as we are presumably all over the country in different places it would be very difficult to set up or maybe one of our Sue Ryder community managers maybe able to help and suggest something along these lines.
Dave
Yes that’s the thing, we are surely all in different parts of the country. I just feel a massive need to talk to people feeling my pain and know they understand this horrendous journey. We could see if sue could help but if not let’s just keep supporting each other in our grief on this site. We are not alone, i have realised that now sadly …Debbie
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Hello Fleurandmd and all.
I have the feeling as well, like I am ‘waiting’ for my Husband and it’s not permanent. It’s a strange feeling, as if I am in limbo. It’s horrific and soul-destroying. Take care everyone.
You take care too and let’s all keep talking xxx
Hello all, I’m Sam been with this forum for a few weeks now, I lost my fiancé back in October she was only 45!! At 48 years old I never dreamt death would come knocking on my door so soon, I feel everything you guys and girls feel, cheated by life, my soulmate my love ripped away from me just when I thought my life was coming together, so many plans so many dreams we both had… sadly not to be forfilled!! I do so much hate who I’ve become, I too would love the opportunity to meet others who have suffered this same horrendous fate, somehow it’s reassuring to me, I’ve cried more tears than I care remember, and as each day passes more tears seem to appear! Yes I’m having counselling, yes I’ve got family and friends around me, but by god, I still feel alone, so very alone, it’s deafning sometimes… anyway I won’t rabble on anymore, I really do hope a meeting can be arranged, i personally need it … may you all find peace in this new year … 2017 x Sam
Hello again I found a site called the jolly dollies not a good title for us at the moment it a group of widows who get together they have groups all around the country,they might have one near you,unfortunately there were only two people near me and they never added me.some areas have larger groups.I wish to I could meet you all aswell as I feel I know you all this site is better than others I’ve been on for words of comfort and support thank you all so much