I just lost my mother in law to be very suddenly. She was a healthy lady with alot of life but one sunday couple of weeks ago she suddenly just passed away. I’m struggling to deal with this sudden loss. Sometimes I feel nothing at all and I’m so caught up in my own life! Me and my partner were supposed to get married in july 2020. I have been waiting all my life to get married to the love of my life and he finally agreed but now he dont want to get married anymore as his mum is not here. Which is very very understandable but I dont know how to cope with all these feelings. I feel like i am grieveing twice. So sometimes I feel like my mother in law to be is just away on holiday and I am grieveing the loss of not getting married anymore. Then reality hits me and I remember shes passed away… so confused and broken
Hi kay
Sorry to hear about the recent loss of your mother in law to be. I lost my mum suddenly in june. One day she is full of life, living with me and looking after the house, my daughter etc. The next she is gone from a massive brain hemorrhage.
The shock has been tremendous and I have turned into an almost recluse. Although my partner and I have no immediate plans to marry I no longer want to anyway without my mum with me.
I dont love my partner any less, it just wouldn’t be the same without my mum.
I think you will just have to be patient and I can see from your post that you are being really understanding about it.
Sometimes I feel that my mum has just gone shopping and is due back home soon. I can’t believe 5 months have passed since I last spoke to her, saw her, laughed with her etc.
I cant really give any advice other than to reassure you that there are plenty of us in this situation.
Cheryl x
Hi Kay,
I’m another one in a similar situation. I can relate to a lot of what you say. The confusing roller coaster ride is horrible and it can come with despair. Whatever you are both feeling now is normal. .None of it makes any sense does it? How can someone be here today, gone tomorrow especially when there doesn’t seem to be any reason why they shouldn’t be around for another 10 years?
I have a wife and daughter and we were actually on holiday together when my mum died on the last day in shocking circumstances. That was the worst day of my life and the journey home from holiday was truly awful. She died on my 10th wedding anniversary. She was supposed to go on till at least our 20th with many more family holidays. Really don’t know how I can ‘celebrate’ that day every again. That was 13 weeks ago, another milestone coming up at a quarter of a year. Unbelievable. I’m still suffering in some way every single day.
It’s hard to know how to cope with and look after someone else’s feelings when you are going through so many emotions yourself as you are now. No doubt you need each other very much. Any decisions made after only 2 weeks can be very extreme and I can understand why he no longer wants to get married as his world has fallen apart. You both need some time to find your way again and I’m sure your love for each other will ensure you will eventually get married. Don’t write anything off just yet. There are a lot of other people here who will empathise with you and share their stories.
The main things is, you both be kind to yourselves and each other.
Shaun x
thank you for sharing your experience with me. life is so hard and unexpected but we all have to try and think positive thoughts.