Sudden loss

Grief is a shadow that consumed me a month ago. I went to work one morning after making me wife comfortable only to return to find that she had passed away in the hallway of our home. It was a totally unexpected passing, and a horrendous experience. I have constant flash backs to that moment.
As my wife was laying in the bedroom doorway i have not slept in the bedroom for a month, sleeping instead on the sofa.
Like so many of you folk, my life has been shattered. So sudden, so brutal an event, so much to take in. My heart is broken. Now the funeral is over this reality has been unbearable, breaking down when seeing anything my dear wife would touch or comment on.
One day at a time seems the default survivor route. It’s so difficult to do just that.

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It is so hard and the suddenness makes it so hard for the brain to understand. My husband went out for a jog and collapsed and died just up the road from our house. My and my son went to find him when he didn’t return home but we were too late. That was nearly 7 months ago. I have got through taking it a breath at a time sometimes, then a day at a a time. My brain just can’t understand how life can change so brutally, so quickly. I still drive down the road expecting his car to be there or expect him to come in through the door. I don’t know that I will ever fully grasp what happened. Take care

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I am so sorry for your loss.
It’s impossible to understand or grasp the reality that this is forever.

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You have written everything I am feeling right now,I held my dear wife as she passed away last month after her battle with bladder cancer.I feel cheated out of my old age with my darling.Michael.

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Yes, i feel the same. My wife had just finished a series of operations on her kidneys and was looking forward to returning to her Charity work.
Free from Hospital on the Monday, passed away on Wednesday, was looking at starting work the following week.
All shattered, all gone, she was 65

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Dear Paul61

You are right grief is a shadow and that is also what I feel I have become - a shadow walking amongst the living. My husband died in a road traffic accident. Did not make it to the hospital in time. As others have said all we can do is take a day at a time.

Twelve months on and I still have not moved my husband’s things. Except for the items that our little grandson has a habit of playing with and leaves lying around our little bungalow everything is where they were the day my husband died.

You have found a good place to come to although like all of us would prefer not to be on this journey. You will find support and a place to share your thoughts.

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Hello Paul,

I think the worst feelings come after the funeral because there’s nothing left we can ‘do’ for them. The reality suddenly sinks in that we are left behind and the surreal loneliness cut deep like the sharpest knife.

There’s something about our memory linked to space awareness and some suggest that moving some furniture around may reduce the flashbacks. I’m so sorry for your loss, please take care. X

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I do so agree with that,it all becomes so real and final.

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Thank you all for your replies.
The pain is real and so deep for all of us, a situation none of us asked for or were prepared for.
Sadly i am not alone in this horrendous journey as i first thought. My heart goes out to each and every one of you.

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Paul,I had my husbands funeral this week,now I feel totally lost,heartbroken no future without Steve, can’t imagine any sort of future without him,dread going to bed dread getting up in the morning,I feel your grief

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Hello Christine, i think the above post from Riley sums it up.
I am so sorry for your loss, i feel the pain in your message.
It is a dreadful place to be i know.
People i know have told me to take it a day at a time.
I find trying to do that is a step too far some days.

Even though i have no drive or appetite each morning, i do make sure i have breakfast followed by a shower even if i cannot be bothered.
It’s difficult to be motivated some days but it has helped me face the start of another day.
Do take care of yourself x

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Thanks Paul,it’s so hard to carry on was married 51yrs,we were so young,never been on my own but I realise after finding this site I’m not the only heartbroken person there are so many of us.Look after yourself x

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Its 03.27, I’ve been awake for an hour. An ordinary visit to the hospital, came out 11hrs later arranging a funeral. Husband’s death last July so unexpected, sudden, brutal and cruel. I’m not sure how I got to October. So much complicated paperwork. Each day I dread the post. Even the daily grind is getting to me. I will be having counselling. Does the ‘black’ ever end? I identify with all on this community. Everything has become a major effort. I miss him so much.

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Oh I am so sorry ,I lost my dear wife 3 weeks ago today,with her when she passed away,having nightmares now about how she suffered from this awful bladder cancer.Funeral was last Friday,very traumatic day.I am trying to get counselling as well and yes it ia all an effort to carry on.She was my world ,my life ,I miss her every minute of every day.

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I had my dear wifes funeral last Friday,so sad ,so final,never to see her again,never to miss her or cuddle her ,this grief is like a torture.Michael.

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Gonegirl101,I recognise everything you say,4weeks already since my husband passed away after a tragic 4weeks in hospital its been a nightmare,so unexpected, it’s so hard to sleep,I feel I can’t breathe at times I miss him so much its torture.You a right about the paperwork it has been complicated,I need him never been on my own before,look after yourself x

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Just closed my wife phone account, have not been able to touch it without the mass of tears. Another part of her gone, erased, never to hear her voice, bit by bit painfully unpacking her day to day life. It’s so crushing, and this is only the start.

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Paul61,it is so hard,torturous, to let go of anything belonging to loved ones,I had to spend hours changing everything over to my name.Im going to keep all his things just how he left them,I know closing accounts in there name is like being stabbed in the heart it makes it so final.x

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Me too,how on earth are you supposed to do things like that without breaking down in floods of tears.I had to close bank accounts etc etc ,all part of her and now gone for ever.

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A small success. I am not denigrating anything anyone says here. Believe me, I am stuck in my own grief too. The diy jobs which were left undone resulted in water continually running in the toilet basin. This has resulted in the water meter producing an eye watering bill. I have the component but not confident enough to Youtube. Several ‘non return phone’ calls. One plumber has just called to say he’ll do the job tomorrow night. He has no idea how his positive phone call has impacted me. None of us realise our impact on others. Yes, a minor success. My next project is to get the disability hand controls removed from his car so I can sell it. Lets just keep plodding till it becomes a trot. I haven’t cried today, too stressed but the night’s not over yet.

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