Sudden realization

My partner died from cancer 2nf October past. It was all very sudden and quite a shock and it took her very quickly after diagnosis (3.5veeks). I have been in a spin ever since and it’s just now that it is really hitting me and hitting hard. Nothing will ever be the same. She is gone forever I will never ever see her again. How can someone with so much love a beautiful human being just be alive one day and totally gone the next. My head just can’t process this. I wish I had some kind of sign to know she is in a better place instead of me telling myself that. The tears are never far away I try and keep them in and then they come crashing. I just don’t know what to do.

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Dear Jeanette.

I am so sorry, but it is so very early on in your grieving. Do not try and keep your tears in, cry and scream when you want to. It is four years since my husband died, we were together 50 years and I still cry, not as much, but it only takes a song, a glance at his photo and this lump in my throat and burning behind my eyes start. I know for a fact that I will miss him forever.

This forum is fantastic, everyone is grieving about the loss of a loved one so you are in no way alone. I find that knowing there are other people feeling the same sadness and hurt as I am helps greatly, so don’t be afraid to reach out to us all, we are always here, ready to talk.


Sheila xx

Hi Jeanette,so sorry,just let the tears out,best to let it out than keeping emotions bottled up inside,yes its so hard to process ,im nearly 10 months since hubby passed and the unrealness of it all still bewilders me,its early days for you ,and the shock is overwhelming ,can only say my grief has changed slowly as the months have passed,my own personal belief is that our loved ones are there for us forever,i have had unmistakeable signs from my hubby,and they have helped me along this hard road,i also believe i will see my loved ones again when its my time,i understand everyone has their own beliefs and i respect that,take care of yourself,i think its the time when we have to be quite selfish and take more care of ourselves,i see it as selfless as we gain strength to carry on,others on here will give you some good advice,im sure,x

Hello Robina, I too believe that one day we will meet our loved ones again and that is what is keeping me going.

I too have had many signs since my husband died four years ago and so has our young granddaughter, she was frightened at first, until I explained it all to her and now she understands. Many is the time when our baby grandson 10 months old, keeps looking up at the corner of the room ceiling and giggling away, our granddaughter also did that when she was his age.

I am certain that Peter or other members of our family who have died are watching over us all.

Sheila xxxx

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Thank you Sheila. Some days I am ok then other days I just can’t shake the deep feeling of greif and hopelessness. Nothing could have ever prepared me for this and I just feel so overwhelmed. I’m quite a strong person and always everyone’s rock. Now that things are in reverse I find it hard to accept my own advice. I know it’s early days and I keep telling myself that. With Xmas etc coming up it’s bringing it all home again for me. I know I will be ok in time I just can’t shake the feeling at times.
Thank you Jeanette xx

Hi robina yes I believe that our loved ones look out for us. I haven’t had any signs of them yet. I think I am still blinded by the greif and it will come. They say everything happens for a reason. I haven’t quite worked it out yet.
Thanks again j xx

Dear Jeanette,

You are expecting too much of yourself far too early. This is something the we never get over. We have to live with it forever because you can’t lose someone you love and expect everything to be okay in a matter of months. Grieving takes time, a lot of time, and even when you think you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, something happens and you are right back at the beginning again.

One of these days, I don’t know when, perhaps I will see the light at the end of the tunnel, but after four years, I am still waiting. It is now all about living one day at a time and taking what happens on that day in our stride because there is nothing else we can do.


Sheila xx

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