Suicidal cousin

Dear All,

Sorry to burden you with this, but my cousin lost his mum (my aunt) over the weekend and since then has been constantly saying that he will shortly follow her. He spent all of his life living with her and looking after her, so I can understand how big a hole she has left and how much pain he is going through right now. After all, I have been going through the same pain since I lost my partner last year.

What I cannot understand is his determination to end it all.

I lost my parents and my grandmother (who brought me up) and that really hurt, and losing my partner of 20 years is still hurting, but at no point in my life I have wanted to end it. Life is precious and worth living. And our dear ones would not want us to die but rather carry on and make the most of it . I am categorically sure of that.

I have tried to explain to him that his mother would want him to carry on, but he is not prepared to listen.

I think part of the problem is that he has never lived alone and I am sure he is pretty scared that he might not cope or know how to fill his days without her.

I am trying to be sympathetic, but I have a life to live and need to make the best of it rather than constantly trying to change someone else’s mind. He has a sister and several uncles, so he is not alone, whereas I am.

Life is precious, regardless of what hardships and losses we may encounter along the way. I suggested he should see a therapist or counsellor, but he will not even do that.

Finally, surely he knew his mother could not live forever (she was 87 and lived a good life).

I hope I do not sound unkind. I do care (too much perhaps).

Thank you for listening.

Love to all, Sonia

2 Likes

Hello @SSTC22 ,

I’m so sorry for the situation you find yourself in trying to support your cousin. That must be really difficult for you while you are grieving your partner. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.

Take good care,
Alex

it is not uncommon to want to go with them. I did when I lost my mother. father was dead. that was six years ago. sometimes, I feel like that but for other reasons. but caring and loving for mom and dad and them leaving you on your own, it is not surprising we want to go with them. no one wants to commit suicide. they just don’t want to be here anymore.

Hi Sonia

I’m so sorry to hear about your aunt and that your cousin is struggling. Firstly if you do think your cousin has serious intentions to end his life, it’s important that you call 999 for emergency services straight away.

We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts during their grief journey. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful to share with him: Sue Ryder Grief Guide

You could also see if he wants to investigate any of our support services. Sometimes in early grief people do reject the idea of support because it feels overwhelming, but may use it later in their journey.

It’s kind of you to want to help him, please remember to be kind to yourself too.

Take care, Rhi