Hi i just joined here today as i have no support what so ever. I had to watch my dear nan die a horrible painful death to covid. She really suffered for a long time. Ive now lost over 22 people but my nan was my best friend and she brought me up and loved me. So she was like a mother to me. This was 2 and a half years ago, her partner died not long before that and then my best friend died a few days after nan. Im not coping attal and i have no one. My mother and sisters dont talk to me,they treat me like im dead. I thought i might as well be dead.
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Hello @Looloo78,
I’m so sorry about your nan. Coping with such a traumatic death and then losing your best friend too is so much for one person to cope with. It sounds like there is so much going on in your life - it’s completely okay to feel overwhelmed by all these things. You are dealing with a lot and it’s understandable that sometimes it gets too much.
We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide
I want to reassure you that you’re never alone - there’s always someone out there to support you. You matter and deserve care and support.
If you feel like you’re in crisis and need some extra support outside of the community, I would encourage you to reach out to one of these organisations below who can help you stay safe.
- Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
- Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
- You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline here.
- If these thoughts of suicide become too much and you’re worried you’re going to harm yourself, please call 999 or go to your nearest A&E.
We also offer free counselling at Sue Ryder, if you feel some one-to-one support might help. You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
Please know that the community is always here for you - you are not alone.
Take care,
Seaneen
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I feel for you, I do, I am struggling with grief and life seems hopeless, however, my loved one would definitely not want me to end my life, even though I feel like it.
Your Nan would be devastated, she wants you to gently move on, live your best life.
Take her on your journey with you, when you can, she is still with you inside of you.
Reach out for support
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I know it’s the hardest thing to watch a loved one go through so much and eventually to lose them. I have just seen my aunt taken by cancer, she was more than a mother to me. She struggled the last few days. It’s devastating and numbing I know. But pls hold on, if you have a faith you can turn to, or meditate, or even just walk among the trees, you will feel connected. Pls hold on, you are not alone. Life is precious. Sending you warmest thoughts.
Hi @Looloo78 I am so sorry you must be suffering 
from such trauma losing one loved one painful but your loss is really a terrible experience.
I understand how you feel lost forgotten left to cope friends and family just desert you, Yes this happened to me when i lost my wife of over 50 years i thought my life had ended all i wanted to do was to take my own life as the pain was overwhelming.
I had tremendous support from kind people on this forum who supported me and with advise i did get help from my lovely Doctor.
8 months on i still grieve but i know in my heart 
that she wouldn’t want my life to end like this.
Please try to be positive take small steps at a time get some help is very important i know its hard but i and all the lovely people on this forum are here to support you.
Sent huge hugs mike b
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i lost my husband last year after 63 years of marriage and i still cry often as there is so much in life that reminds me of what i have lost. I look at photos i have around in the house and it makes my heart ache and i feel i dont want to go on without him. i also had to have my lovely 21 year old cat put to sleep a month ago and this made me even more bereft. however i have just got a 6 year old rescue cat and she has given me a reason to go on living.
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